Month: March 2017

The Bearded Captain; Don’t Dye Your Beard In Any Colour Except Ginger!

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Hello and greetings from The Bearded Captain. My soldiers, be proud of the colour of your beard and let nature take its path 🙂

 

Hello and greetings from your Bearded Captain. I pray that all my soldiers are well, in good health and in the process of growing beards! Before I get my teeth into today’s subject, I just want to say thank you for you guys being such wonderful soldiers and as your Bearded Captain, I am really honoured to be leading you guys.

Ok, mushy stuff out of the way, so the issue at hand then. The issue which I would like to raise today is this, the issue of the dying of the beard. Now, I know what you’re thinking but please hear me out, this issue does have some relevance, you’re going to have to take my word on that.

Now, the dying of hair is a topic that people might take lightly if they do no biggie, but as I have said before our beards are unique and this isn’t merely just “another issue”. As I have said time and time again, our beard’s are unique because when maintained correctly, they look magnificent!

Of course my bearded brothers, you already know that. So with that in mind, the need to preserve one’s beard is extremely necessary.  Yes, we have talked about combing and perfuming the beard, but I just feel this issue of the beard dye hasn’t been touched upon and it needs to be.

When someone dyes their hair, they use different colours, but when it comes to the beard let’s make this clear don’t dye it. Why I hear you ask? The reason is simple a beard grows naturally, so allow nature to take it’s path, the same applies to your natural beard hair colour too.

Blonde beard, green beard or blue beard just isn’t a good luck, but ginger is I have natural ginger strands in my beard hehe. Do I really need to explain why not dye your beard in any other colours except ginger? Let’s just say this if I do need to explain,  it makes me wonder are you seriously listening to your Bearded Captain and his advice?  …. You might have to take a long hard look at yourself O Bearded One.

The sharp-minded one’s amongst you will be thinking what about when I get older and my beard turns grey what do I do? Well after studying this particular topic long and hard as I devoured a Dixy burger ( bearded man’s best friend if you like), it came to my attention that it’s absolutely not allowed to dye a grey beard back to your natural hair colour. I hope that makes sense.

When the time comes for your beard to fully mature and turn grey, embrace the fact that it’s happened to you and that you have been chosen by the one who gave you your man fur in the first place.

If you hide your natural beard hair colour to the people, a question I would ask is are you hiding other stuff, are you truthful beard. I mean if it came to it, would you share your last piece of chicken with me? (yes I would share it with a bearded brother in case you’re wondering).

I will close on this point brothers, a beard is a thing of beauty. For some of you, you will live long enough for your beard to grow grey, that’s not a bad thing far from it …. embrace it, brothers! A grey beard shows wisdom and the right person will respect you for it, if they don’t you’re around the wrong people.

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

 

Even The Bearded Captain Needs To Know His Role

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Hello and greetings from The Bearded Captain. My soldiers, fear not I am still here for you

 

Why hello and greetings there boys and girls, did you miss me? Come on we know the answer to the question of course you did! Who wouldn’t miss The Bearded Captain!? Well, worry not my bearded children, your captain and Bearded Leader hasn’t gone anywhere sorry worry not my beloved bearded children.

In my absence from blog writing, I have been carefully compiling The Bearded Commandments into a book, yes that’s right children the 10 Bearded Rules of perfection in a book, a sacred book for all beards.

As I always do I have been keeping an eye on you from afar, so don’t think you can get away with any “smart stuff”, I will be onto it in a flash. Without further ado, I want to discuss the reason why I am writing today’s blog post.

Today’s issue is in regards to one of The Bearded Commandments, the commandment of “Those Shall Keep His Beard Well Groomed”. Now, you lovely should know by now this is something that I constantly talk about, talk about a lot.

So what I am going to say next might be a tad surprising, to say the least. You lovely people are aware no doubt of The Retired Bearded General, (Father Malik) now The Retired  General himself has had to summon me a few times in regards to the way that my beard was kept.

Bearded children, for this very point I am sorry I feel I have failed you, I am sorry. Me being the flag bearer of Bearded Standards, me myself have let the standards of how a beard should be kept down.

My beard and I haven’t been in good health, although factual is a mere excuse. A beard is for life brothers not just for winter. He who thinks that their beard is for winter, you are not worthy of my tutelage ever!

A messy beard although not ideal, needs a lot of encouragement. I have gone on record and will say this again, a beard that is messy and wavy is a beard that lacks direction in life. Now please note brothers, this isn’t a condemnation, it’s an observation. Brothers, there’s hope you can get out of this slump.

Now, I am fortunate I have an esteemed beard like Father Malik telling me to sort out my beard, you lovely people have the fortune of me. Bearded brothers, the message I want to leave you with is this, we’re a bearded family that is there to help each other.

We don’t want to give the clean shaven Jessie’s any more encouragement than what they’re already getting. Brothers, be firm in the face of any bearded trials or adversity. A messy beard is one of the toughest trials that one can go through.

It’s over and out from your Bearded Captain.