Hello and greetings from your Bearded Captain. Your Captain is here with another address. After delivering my address this morning, which was my first in a really long time here is another dosage of wisdom from The Captain.
As stated in the previous blog your Captain has been spreading his message far and wide. Whether that be Linkedin, (“Pompousbook” as some may call it and I call it) Instagram or Beardstagram as I like to call it, Facebook or Twitter.
Together with my beards, although we might not take over the world, we will surely raise a war against the razor. Shaving is only to be done on your heads or … well, your clever people work it out.
The reason this mission started in the first place was for what? To show how rock and roll beards really are. No, we don’t look ugly with a beard … in fact, it’s surely the polar opposite.
With careful maintenance, beard oil and application of Mont Blanc perfume or any other bearded perfume, you will be irresistible to boys and girls a like, if that’s what you crave young bearded one.
Let me reword that, you will get the attention and the admiration of the boys and girls, and if you aren’t getting that love and attention from the boys and girls, my solider look in the mirror and know you’re not growing your beard right.
But if you are not only know you’re growing your beard right, but note you need stay modest in the face of all this attention. When beards are in the spotlight, their beards take centre stage and shine through.
Maybe, your beard is too hippy like if you’re not getting recognition …. or worse still maybe your jokes are terrible and attitude isn’t right which is terrible for any beard. If this indeed is the case, then you will need to reaffirm the bearded pledge which is what?
A beard is 1% growth, 99% attitude, with 110% and the ability to make people laugh. That’s the bearded pledge. My social media inbox, is bulging with hello’s and salaams, why? Coz of my beard Alhamdulillah and me practicing The Bearded Pledge!
Note bearded one, when you wake up, your beard wakes up with you. When I had hair I used to have hair (many years ago), I used to have “bad hair days”, with a beard there’s no such thing.
If you think you’re having a bad beard day, note you’re just a hippy and you didn’t ever have a good beard day in the first place. Beards we keep our beards well maintained, nobody in work quite makes an entrance like I do.
In fact, I believe my way to my desk is longer because of all the meeting and greeting and Beard Saluting that I need to do, it’s a tough life but someone has to be me and someone has to lead you beards to the right bearded way.
Through years and months of hard work, me your Bearded Captain has had to endure months of sacrifice and struggle in this quest for Bearded Greatness. The times I have selflessly had Dixy Chicken Mega Mix Burger Meal and Dessert Republic cakes and cappuccinos just to ensure for you guys this is suitable for beards and it’s of The Bearded Standard.
Some may think about the beard, “O it’s just facial hair”, yes it is but note this defines a man and a boy, a Lion and a kitten. A beard is just more than facial hair, it’s a way of saying … my face Alhamdulillah is awesome and I am proud of my face and I want to reward it with a beard.
Why cut your face? Isn’t that self-harm to your face? … When people “self-harm” themselves, what do we say? We say they’re ill and need help .. but when you’re cutting your face why isn’t that an issue then?
If I was ever to even contemplate (don’t worry this is a figure of speech) shaving off my beard I know my face would cry. To make sure I am allowed in work tomorrow, this last part of the blog is for my colleague Miss Shelby Sheridan who reads these blogs and tries to adhere to The Bearded Movement even though she doesn’t have a beard.
She always salutes me when I come into work or walk past her desk, The Captain thanks you.
Even as The Captain, that woman with the greatest respect is a nut job and can scare the life out of me with her stories. So Shelby thanks for reading my blogs, The Captain appreciates your support. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain, and I salute you all.