Month: April 2020

How Ramadan is similar to a lockdown

Hello and greetings from your bearded captain, leader of all beards, flag bearer of all beards on digital media and broadcast media. I am that beard who tries to make people laugh, and smile.

My bearded beloved’s, here I want to talk about an important issue, (it must be noted, my blog posts are all important, that’s why I write them hehe).

I want to bring this to your attention my beloved’s and that is this, my beards there are similarities between being in Ramadan and being in lockdown.

O how, we pity you, the non-Muslim, or Mr Will Mellor who said he had a “power cut”, I have got a **** power cut” during this lockdown, to directly quote the man himself. Will, have you never been to the Asian Sub-Continent?

In the Sub-Continent, my friend at the best of times (mainly summertime) it’s a minor miracle that they even have power. Anyway, that aside, (hear me out on this, I am on to something) – there are similarities between this lockdown and Ramadan.

In the lockdown, people have been stockpiling food, and you know that is what’s also done in Ramadan. True story here, I bought 20kg of boneless chicken from the butchers. Boneless banquet for one they say? Naaa it’s like boneless banquet for the whole street more like!

The grocery shops in Ramadan are rammed with customers like Aldi and Tesco are too. In Ramadan, if we’re off work we don’t like going out (partly being too tired), but in lockdown, you can only go out if there’s a dire need to.

As mentioned, when we do go out, we do tend to bulk buy food. I must make a mention, an Asian household/Muslim household don’t stockpile with a years supply of loo roll, just the couple of months.

I must ask a question to fellow Asians, why is there so many “Manchester Superstores”, dude there are even some in Huddersfield, what’s up with that?

We are clever even before this lockdown, we don’t use loo roll like the Non-muslims do when we do our thing, we use a cracking device called a Muslim shower, it’s water and it sprays when you press the trigger, it’s awesome ** love-struck emoji **

One good thing about the lockdown, mum would say is that you can go out for essential shops, heaven forbid … it was getting to the stage that we were going to have to eat the ‘food for the guests’.

It must be noted in an Asian household, there’s food and then there’s food for the guests. Food for you I won’t say it’s like bread and water, but it’s not like food for the guests. That’s the kind of food that even Gordon Ramsey would say has been “cooked well and tastes delicious”.

Hell’s kitchen and  Ramsey’s kitchen nightmare fans know what I mean by that.

O refreshments get the same treatment, Rubicon mango juice for the guests, and Tesco value juice for you the inhabitants of the home.

Same thing with the fizzy drink, if you’re allowed to even have it, and that too is when the guests are there. Coca-cola (the real stuff) and Rubicon mango too would be on offer, those days are worth savouring.

This isn’t lockdown related, maybe a tad Ramadan related, but I have to mention this. Many maybe distressed of having to stay indoors or lack of activity etc.

My non Asian friends nothing is more painful than seeing a tub of celebrations, then opening it and then realising it’s last weeks curry in there.

*cries uncontrollably* and your favourite Mars chocolates? Nowhere to be seen! The same treatment is given to Walls ice cream boxes too.

It doesn’t stop there either, Royal Dansk biscuits, fancy one? No you can’t have one, you won’t really get one in an Asian household, unless you have your grandparents, they would be the only ones who have these biscuits.

Sewing box, box for screws but biscuits? No, not in Asian household .

So there you have it, a different look to this Ramadan. Non-Muslim household’s I feel sorry for you almost not being in Ramadan, but mind you those spring rolls are deeeeeadly!
It’s over and out from the bearded captain.

Clearing up some misconceptions of Ramadan

Hello and greetings, I go by the name of the bearded captain, leader and flag bearer of all beards on digital and broadcast media. I am that beard who tries to make people laugh, and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.

My bearded beloved’s so, now you are aware of what Ramadan is, which is great … I want to clarify and clear up some misconceptions. Fasting … isn’t for everyone, yes you read that right.

The only people who should fast, are those who are able. So, to clarify, the people who are exempt from fasting are pregnant women, the elderly and young children. Of course, the people who have underlying health conditions are exempt too.

Many examples of friends and family are doing this (not fasting due to their health, and that’s fine, health is the main priority). Muslims can brush their teeth, so for the sake of family members, make sure you do that guys.

One misconception, I also heard about Ramadan was you’re not allowed to engage in sexual activity. There’s no case of “no nut November” here. What, you should do, just like you would in terms of food and drink is not have it during daylight hours.

To clarify my beards, which I should have done before, it’s encouraged that he/she who can’t fast, that they should give to charity. Ramadan is seen as a month of mercy, where you aim to get spiritually closer to god.

In no way should you overexert yourself, but to an extent no pain no gain, for he/she who’s able. Ramadan is aimed to break you and not destroy you, far from it. It’s over and out from the bearded captain.

Ramdan Mubarak, and what is Ramadan

Hello, and greetings my bearded soldiers, it’s me your bearded captain. I am here with an address of a different kind. As you know my beloved’s I like to try and make you laugh and smile with one-line jokes and general banter.

We are of course in unprecedented times, so the need to stay safe and well is of utmost importance. For the bearded Muslims amongst you, I would like to wish you a heartfelt Ramadan Mubarak (Happy Ramadan).

What is Ramadan I here you ask? No, it’s not where they “starve themselves” as some famously said within my earshot. Ramadan is a holy month for Muslims, where for 29/30 days (depending on the lunar calendar).

In this month, we Muslims abstain from food, drink and sexual activity in daylight hours. this a month, where we Muslims try to nourish the mind, body and soul. A cliche some might say this is, but if done correctly this will be achieved.

Ramadan, this year has a very different feel to it. This is quite simply due to the coronavirus, but the order of the day is to stay home and save lives. Some of the

Ramadan rituals is to share a meal with your community when you open your fast.
In my case, I am blessed to have a big family, so we get by and have been sharing our meals to open the fast with each other. In life, you deal with the cards you’re dealt with, but it doesn’t mean it was a bad deck.

The other Ramadan ritual would be a congregational night prayer (Taraweeh). Now, again this would be a chance to meet with the community spirit and also help build a spiritual connection, but just like with the opening of the fast, the need to stay home and save lives, is more important above all else.

Just like before Ramadan, where you observed lockdown, inshaaAllah do the same here. In the long run, you will realise it’s the best thing you did my Muslim beard.
It’s over and out from the bearded captain. Ramadan Mubarak!

The Summer beard

Hello, and greetings my bearded soldiers, I pray you are well. As you know, we are of course in unprecedented times, in the times of lockdown and isolation. The Monks and the Buddhists talk of isolation and the therapeutic effects of the period of solitude.

For your Captain, however, it’s not been plain sailing. Part of me thinks, this isolation thing, how am I differing from the Monks, what are they doing that I am not? Yes, in these times I have spent time with my Nephew (Bearded Captain in the making) and my niece who has a key to my heart (the cheeky monkey).

There have been times of boredom, and just feeling fed up and worn down. I share this bit of info with you my beloved’s, just to remind you, you’re not alone. My brothers, I invite you to reach out to me on my email (, should you feel the need to talk.

I am here for my brothers, even if I don’t blog as much here, that’s been in part due to me working on my vlog The Sports Buff, which is shaping nicely and my pride and joy, The Bearded Captain vlog.

Brothers, my bearded soldiers what I want to talk to you about today though is about the summer beard. Much has been made about Jim Carey advising men to do Quarantine Beard, (grow a beard in lockdown time) but with it being summer, traditionally men tend to shave their pride and joy off their faces.

I have to question this rhetoric. Guys, when it’s summer, do we grab the hair clippers and say this hair is too much let’s shave it off? Usually, men don’t, so why is beard different?

My soldiers, it’s a tough time to grow a beard or have a beard, I can’t dress this up. But my brothers, the true men amongst you, will take this challenge head-on. The Captain suggests, that you have a cold shower regularly as well washing your face with cold water.

Life is full of challenges brothers in the world of beard, don’t make this be one of them. Especially in the UK, summer doesn’t last forever, have some patience. Bless you, all brothers, it’s over and out of from The Bearded Captain.