The power of a power nap

Hello, good evening my Beards I hope you’re well and looking after yourselves. It’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, we need to talk. We need to talk power naps. Power naps, or cat naps I am now aware of just why they call them power naps, simply because in such a short space of sleeping time you feel refreshed and reenergised.

I used the power nap in Ramadan, which helped me in the back end of the day as I was feeling the hunger pans and the energy drain as psychologically I knew the end was nigh for that particular day of fasting.

The fact that I would snore the house down after eventually my body was adequately warm, isn’t something we will mention, nope. There was a slight down side and that would be at night time, my body wouldn’t be ready for sleep until somewhat later into the night is not ideal.

But I can’t emphasise this enough, a power nap is what I am branding what people call a siesta or for the Muslims Kayloola (probably spelling that wrong). So there you have it, if you fancy a power nap brothers, remember there’s pros and cons, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

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Eye of the driver

Hello, and greetings my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag Bearer of all Beards, on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh, and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Beloved’s I want to talk about an issue important in the life of Beard, the issue of driving. Driving people mad? No sir, driving your car.

Some may say, I am good at driving people round the bend, or using the golf club (driver), but no Brother Beards, I want to talk about drivers of a motor vehicle. Driving, as much as some won’t like to admit it, the environment protestors – your Greta Thunberg’s of this world, it’s necessary in today’s day and age.

In current times, the sky high fuel and energy prices, then there is a valid argument that, maybe you can live without four wheels, or maybe two. Day in day out tasks, involve driving from place to place.

What amazes about driving, is that no matter how careful you be, if someone is careless on the road, you can be directly affected (car accident, may the All mighty protect us from that). Long journeys, again that’s another test in itself.

The best position in a car, arguably is anyone and not the drivers side. The need to be looking at the front and the back of you, at the same time. If that isn’t enough, then you need to look after your left and right; and over your shoulder too.

These are the challenges of drivers in England/UK, but for places like Pakistan for example- that’s a different ball game! That’s it from me, thank you My Bearded Beloved’s, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

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Hello, good morning beloved Beards. I hope you’re well. We hear at ayyazmalik.com love telling stories and sharing them too. Alhamdulillah we have been operating for over six years and we’re looking to solidify our website and help it grow too, but we need your support please. Whatever large or little amount you think you can spare, it’s still even bigger to us. With your kind donation/support we want to give a contribution to the local community sports hall, to help young kids do what they do best, have fun! Thank you for your support

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The Captain goes to Cockneywood

Hello, good evening my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag Bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! I want to talk about an important issue in the life of Beards and for me in particular, that was the time I went to London, but for the sake of this blog post, we’re going to call Cockneywood.

Ahh Cockneywood, the home of Del Boy Trotter and The Big Ben. I am not sure which one is more iconic, I will let you decide. The capital city, home of Arsenal, Chelsea, West Ham and Tottenham amongst many other football clubs in London.

Or what about The Home Of Cricket, Lords. People will have different thoughts of London, but one thing is for sure, it’s a city that’s a magical city. Madame Tussauds or the iconic Southall, Cockneywood has you covered.

Yes, the parking restrictions are a nightmare and also the bus lanes too, but whatever you do, don”t get on the wrong side of the congestion charge. Cost Cutter, or the TFL website, is where you can get that sorted, you’re welcome.

I am Mancunian and a proud one at that, is there anything I missed Londoners? Let us know in the comments, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

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Hello, good morning beloved Beards. I hope you’re well. We hear at ayyazmalik.com love telling stories and sharing them too. Alhamdulillah we have been operating for over six years and we’re looking to solidify our website and help it grow too, but we need your support please. Whatever large or little amount you think you can spare, it’s still even bigger to us. With your kind donation/support we want to give a contribution to the local community sports hall, to help young kids do what they do best, have fun! Thank you for your support

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Should they be called starters though?

Greetings My Beards, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Bearded Kings, I want to talk about an important issue in the life of The Bearded Captain. Brothers, I want to talk starter food.

This topic might not resonate with all, but for the ones it does, I want to talk about starter food. So what is starter food? Well, that would mean foods like kebabs, chicken tikka pieces or fish pieces.

Here are some examples of some delicious succulent meat. Question is though, why is such meat deemed as starters? For those of you who can relate, (when you go to a buffet) I would ditch having rice as majority of the time rice is like chips, they all taste the same or very similar and fill myself up on starter food.

I have done this on many occasions. Mummy Malik, these days as I am dieting, would encourage me to have plenty of meat and ditch carbs as much as possible. So bye bye rice, or the portion would be small and bye bye naan, or the piece I would have would be small! *cries*.

The human stomach is a beautiful thing. In the days of my extreme eating, I would have two layers of being full. One from being full from starters then the other from mains. But, and it’s a biggie, there’s a section for dessert, that’s a special section in your stomach.

Even if you have ate like a horse and ate that horse too, there will still be room for dessert. Do you agree, do you disagree? Let us know in the comments.

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Hello, good morning beloved Beards. I hope you’re well. We hear at ayyazmalik.com love telling stories and sharing them too. Alhamdulillah we have been operating for over six years and we’re looking to solidify our website and help it grow too, but we need your support please. Whatever large or little amount you think you can spare, it’s still even bigger to us. With your kind donation/support we want to give a contribution to the local community sports hall, to help young kids do what they do best, have fun! Thank you for your support

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Daddy Beard

Hello, good morning my Bearded Stud Muffins, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, in good health and looking after your Beards! Bearded Beloved’s I want to talk about an issue, that’s important to your Bearded Leader, the issue of being Daddy Beard. Please don’t mistaken that for me talking about ‘who’s your Daddy?’

If you have your mind tuned to one way of thinking, I am not talking about that context, nor am I talking about custody battles. My Soldiers, I am talking about when you get the happy news that you’re going to be a father to a Baby Beard or a Baby Beardette.

Which ever gender your baby is (male or female), one thing is for certain, Brothers be careful of your Beards. Yes your Man face trophy attracts a lot of admiration from the boys and girls a like, but when a baby gets hold of your Beard, boy o boy!

Of course, they don’t realise it, but the all mighty tug they give your Beard, ouch!!! So severe is that pain, Brothers you think, you know what, threading isn’t the worst pain for a Beard to feel, it’s the tugging of your Beard by a baby!

If it isn’t the Beard tugging, feel rest assured your Beard will need even more care, due to the amount of times your Beard will get messed up. Yes, Beard tugging from a baby is painful, but have you experienced getting your Beard caught on a coat zip?

All other pain that you feel pales into insignificance. I leave you with that thought, it’s over and out from your Bearded Captain.

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It is a man’s world (sorry)

Hello, good morning my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Bearded Kings, I pray you’re well looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Beloved’s we need to speak about an important issue, feminists look away now! My Bearded Stallions, I want to talk about the topic of this world, being a man’s one.

The title of this address, might lead you to believe my opinion on the matter, and to a point that is correct. Brothers, the manliness has crept into the dictionary. Mancave, history, mansion,humanities, last man standing … I can go on!

Subtle inclusions of man favoured words isn’t the reason why I say this, but me pointing it out, as me well just trying to be me (satirical). It astounds me the fact that women only get taken seriously if they’re sexualised, in certain walks of life, this is still prevalent today.

The heads of society will tell you, LGBQT rights are given and discrimination is being hard to be clamped down, but brothers is it? I just point to the recent Mason Greenwood case. Yes, innocent till proven guilty, but already this seems like it’s going to be given the inevitable end before the justice process takes it’s due course.

Out of court settlement (which to me is an admission of guilt) and then he can carry on with life . The film producer Harvey Weinstein eventually was brought to justice, but it was quite the ordeal for women having to jump this hurdle shall we say.

Of course men can face harassment too, but Brothers, we’re Beards brothers we have power given to us by our face. I don’t like this notion of women coming into positions just because they’re women, they like with men should merit any role, but they shouldn’t be discriminated either..m

In the punditry section of football for example, I feel there are men who have been given precedence. I have managed to survive the whole address without singing the ‘this is a man’s world song’, until then as I sway side to side as I type this, with my mobile phone a mock microphone.

One of the reasons I write this, yes I say it as a joke, but it’s partly true it’s amazing subliminally a lot of words have men bias in them, it’s the same with right too. So if you’re a left-handed woman, I will get some Man size tissues for you.. man-sized?

There’s my point. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

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The Bearded Captain

Hello and Greetings my Beards, I hope you liked this blog post and I hope it made you laugh, if not chuckle :). We hear at ayyazmalik.com are looking for any donations (how ever much you can spare). With your donations we would look to give (a percentage) to domestic abuse survivors and a percentage to maintain our website ayyazmalik.com. Many thanks Ayyaz Malik The Bearded Captain

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Storm Eunice says hello

Hello, good afternoon my Bearded Brothers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag Bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

My Soldiers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! I want to talk about an issue that it’s important us Beards, Storm Eunice. Bearded Kings, I know you cause a stir when you come into a room, a storm in it’s own right, but I want to talk about the storm that’s affecting the UK.

Yes, it’s calmed down somewhat and Storm Gladys has taken the bat on, weather in the UK is challenging to say the least. Brothers, count your blessings, you have a Beard so your face won’t get cold, the way the Clean Shaven’s face will get cold.

To counter this, they will wear a snood, they think they found a loophole, but my take on money super market.com is this … don’t shave! You will save money on Bearded Shaving Gel and on razors themselves.

It’s ironic that the head of this site is Clean Shaven who wastes money on shaving, but preaches and gives tips on how to save money! My Shining Bearded Knights, the wind and blustery weather is leaving our Man Fur to get messed and untidy.

Brothers keep with it, this will pass. A note to those who wear wigs, this is the weather to let go! Don’t put your wig on as there’s no double sided sticky tape that can ensure your toupee doesn’t fly away.

Garden chairs, tables, trees have been destroyed to this weather, but your wig will stay? Be honest with yourself, 99% of the time it’s obvious you have a wig on, so don’t delude yourself! Be bald and proud like I am, if you’re cold? Wear a nice hat, a woolly hat like mine, as dad calls it The Crocodile Dundee Hat.

Brothers, thank God weather has brighten up the past two days, Storm Gladys didn’t want to stay for too long. Here’s to hoping Storm Gertrude doesn’t bless us with her presence. In the midst of this my Beloved’s there are people who’s houses have been affected.

We pray for them and wish them the best. Brothers, we are wanting to support causes like this one, amongst many more and we are raising funds for project Bearded Captain too. If you are able to support me, with any donation that you can afford which will in turn (a portion of the donation) will help to support causes like those who have been affected by the storms for example. Thank you for your support.

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What shouldn’t hurt but does

Hello, good afternoon my Bearded Beloved’s, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital broadcasting media, I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Shining Bearded Knights, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Soldiers, we need to talk, we need to talk about pain! Brothers to be more precise, we need to talk about when you feel pain with things, you don’t think you should.

So, to give you an example, when you hit your small toe on … well anything. It’s little and you think, it should not able to have to feel pain, but it some how by a force of unexplained nature, attracted to things like sofas, the bottom of doors and what have you.

You have an idea where I am going with this, so in that spirit, waxing the cheeks when you line your Beard up . That shouldn’t hurt, but why does it feel like I someone is literally trying to scrape your face off? Can’t forget the time when I cheated on my normal Beard Barber and went to another one, as he was ‘convenient’.

I suffered harsh consequences as a result. In what is already a painful experience (having cheeks waxed, something which made Father Malik’s eyes water), this guy made it worse by not properly applying the wax strip!

O, threading is worse, but amazingly The Bearded General (Father Malik) can take that but not waxing! I imagine, leg waxing must be the same. the clean shaven and women (yeah I just said clean shaven) can relate too.

So Brothers, what about ‘the funny elbow’? I mean are you literally kidding me!? My elbow has the most dullest pain and some bright spark Dr, thought ok, let’s call it ‘the funny bone’. My elbow doesn’t tell puns or knock knock jokes, thank you very much!

As mentioned in the last blog, the shaving cut is another pain, that hurts but shouldn’t hurt that much. To add to the affect, blood streams out when you get a shaving cut. Some after shave, numbs the pain, but it doesn’t half make a song and dance when it does it.

The last example, that I can think of is when you get your finger burnt on a hot pan. Why o why does that hurt so much? Lol, one of life’s many mysteries. It’s like why shave when you can grow your Beard and look like a lion.

Jason Mamoa (Bearded Heart Throb) is only that way due to his Beard, Roman Reigns (WWE Wrestler) same thing. If both were to ditch their man fur, they would both look like Hench women, (I said what I said).

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It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

The Shaving Cut

Hello, good evening my Bearded Brothers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

My Bearded Beloved’s I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Soldiers, we need to talk, it’s about this issue of the shaving cut. Quite a topic to discuss on a Beard blog, one Beard might think.

Bearded Warriors, not really, if you see the context. Brothers, we Beards do shave, it’s just not our Beards and even where we can shave, there’s a need to be careful when we do shave! My Bearded Stallions, your Captain has a shaving cut on the back of his head and the need to be careful when shaving my head is very necessary.

Brothers, the cut is healing and it feels like it’s the map of Italy on the back of my head (Sicily included). I try to shave my head with the cut and it’s happened more than one occasion, that not fully healed cut opens up again and we’re back to square one!

I usually shave my head twice a week, but currently for my bald head standards I have an afro, as the full week without shaving looms. When I do brave it tomorrow, I need to have precise cutting skills like a butcher and the wizardry of a barber of dealing with my mini mop on my head, even though I am balding *speaks in cries*.

Soldiers, one thing I have to give them credit for (kind of) is when the clean shaven get a shaving cut, they dust themselves off, put aftershave on it and try again! A normal human being, would once they have applied vaseline or aftershave to deal with the shave wound, realise that nature is taking its path.

The path of allowing Beard to grow and that shaving is for legs, head and in the ‘London region’ (Down South). Brothers, wish me luck tomorrow, I have the unenviable task of shaving my head tomorrow. A massive shaving cut I have, but also for the sake of my anxiety shall we call it, can’t take this afro frill I have!

Before I go, I want to thank our vlogging partner for the Sports Buff and soon to be The Bearded Captain videos. Fragrance one, have given ayyazmalik.com readers a thank you discount code. Be sure to redeem yours as this vouchers ends in just two days!

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It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain