The Bearded Captain’s Tribute To Shelby, AKA Shelbs
The Captain At BMT

The Captain is still here, worry not my soldiers. I am alive and kicking, ready to portray The Bearded Message more than ever. This one goes out to Shelby

 

The name Shelby Sheridan, might not mean much to the vast majority of you lovely readers, but to myself and many more in the Dyno world, here is an example of the biggest nut job going. Quite a strong statement I here you say, but please let me explain this is Shelby who thinks that in Ramadan, Muslims go up on the roof to spot the moon (don’t ask she’s “special”).

Now, why am I doing this blog post when I could write about  more fun things, like my facial hair, my aftershaves, how I am banging and clanging and my love of Dixy chicken. If I tell you this is the same Shelby who has the ability to make the evil look to make you turd your pants and the one who broke her brothers fingers … come on can you blame me?

 Schizophrenic and more swings of her mood more than my local park , Shelbz is quite infectious in terms of her character . An avid reader of my blog and an avid follower of the bearded movement, there’s a method to her madness after all.  

 A mention is necessary of Shelby is necessary (hope it won’t inflate her ego), because this is the same Shelby who just simply said Ayyaz, don’t worry about any backlash from Manchester attacks because we as Dyno colleagues will support you. This is the same Shelby who makes it a point to give me The Bearded salute whenever I pass her in work.

 

Small things you might think, but this is Shelby Sheridan who said she will track me down if I don’t give up junk food for a month …. she isn’t as big as me but o God, don’t get on the wrong side of her * has a big gulp*. Yes, she is cookoo … Justin Beiber’s Despicto, heard of that? Well, now there’s a remix of that called would you like a Dorito? Don’t ask …

So to sum this up, Shelby is hilarious with the stuff she comes out with knowingly and unknowingly , but the underline thing is, she is one of the most loyal people you will ever meet. This one’s for you Shelby, you nutter!

PS, this particular post would have been up much sooner, but as I do value my own health …. and safety, I decided to check and check again with her. But I am sure it’s still not to standard, but it’s still getting put up on my blog.

Lessons in life, death is certain taxes are certain getting beaten up by Shelby Sheridan is also a certain if you get on the wrong side of her.

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The Bearded Captain Is Here With Another Message: The Bearded Captain’s “Unsung Hero”
The Captain At BMT

The Captain is still here, worry not my soldiers. I am alive and kicking, ready to portray The Bearded Message more than ever.

Hello and greetings from your Bearded Captain. Your Captain is here with another address. After delivering my address this morning, which was my first in a really long time here is another dosage of wisdom from The Captain.

As stated in the previous blog your Captain has been spreading his message far and wide. Whether that be Linkedin, (“Pompousbook” as some may call it and I call it) Instagram or Beardstagram as I like to call it, Facebook or Twitter.

Together with my beards, although we might not take over the world, we will surely raise a war against the razor. Shaving is only to be done on your heads or … well, your clever people work it out.

The reason this mission started in the first place was for what? To show how rock and roll beards really are. No, we don’t look ugly with a beard … in fact, it’s surely the polar opposite.

With careful maintenance, beard oil and application of Mont Blanc perfume or any other bearded perfume, you will be irresistible to boys and girls a like, if that’s what you crave young bearded one.

Let me reword that, you will get the attention and the admiration of the boys and girls, and if you aren’t getting that love and attention from the boys and girls, my solider look in the mirror and know you’re not growing your beard right.

But if you are not only know you’re growing your beard right, but note you need stay modest in the face of all this attention. When beards are in the spotlight, their beards take centre stage and shine through.

Maybe, your beard is too hippy like if you’re not getting recognition  …. or worse still maybe your jokes are terrible  and attitude isn’t right which is terrible for any beard. If this indeed is the case, then you will need to reaffirm the bearded pledge which is what?

A beard is 1% growth, 99% attitude, with 110% and the ability to make people laugh. That’s the bearded pledge. My social media inbox, is bulging with hello’s and salaams, why? Coz of my beard Alhamdulillah and me practicing The Bearded Pledge!

Note bearded one, when you wake up, your beard wakes up with you. When I had hair I used to have hair (many years ago), I used to have “bad hair days”, with a beard there’s no such thing.

If you think you’re having a bad beard day, note you’re just a hippy and you didn’t ever have a good beard day in the first place. Beards we keep our beards well maintained, nobody in work quite makes an entrance like I do.

In fact, I believe my way to my desk is longer because of all the meeting and greeting and Beard Saluting that I need to do, it’s a tough life but someone has to be me and someone has to lead you beards to the right bearded way.

Through years and months of hard work, me your Bearded Captain has had to endure months of sacrifice and struggle in this quest for Bearded Greatness. The times I have selflessly had Dixy Chicken Mega Mix Burger Meal and Dessert Republic cakes and cappuccinos just to ensure for you guys this is suitable for beards and it’s of The Bearded Standard.

Some may think about the beard, “O it’s just facial hair”, yes it is but note this defines a man and a boy, a Lion and a kitten. A beard is just more than facial hair, it’s a way of saying … my face Alhamdulillah is awesome and I am proud of my face and I want to reward it with a beard.

Why cut your face? Isn’t that self-harm to your face? … When people “self-harm” themselves, what do we say? We say they’re ill and need help .. but when you’re cutting your face why isn’t that an issue then?

If I was ever to even contemplate (don’t worry this is a figure of speech) shaving off my beard I know my face would cry.  To make sure I am allowed in work tomorrow, this last part of the blog is for my colleague Miss Shelby Sheridan who reads these blogs and tries to adhere to The Bearded Movement even though she doesn’t have a beard.

She always salutes me when I come into work or walk past her desk, The Captain thanks you.

Even as The Captain, that woman with the greatest respect is a nut job and can scare the life out of me with her stories. So Shelby thanks for reading my blogs, The Captain appreciates your support. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain, and I salute you all.

 

Hello My Soliders Your Captain Is Still Here Don’t Worry
The Captain At BMT

The Captain is still here, worry not my soldiers

 

Hello and greetings from your Bearded Captain. I know what you’re going to say and I can say that I am sorry in advance, but my soldiers Alhamdulillah I am in good health and my beard is stealing the show like it always is.

So where have I been I hear you ask? My soldiers I have been around don’t worry … I have been introducing myself to the world of Facebook (crazy place I know) and Instagram.

My beloved soldiers, on both Insta and Fb I have received a lot of love from my followers, who have since become loyal followers of The Bearded Movement. For that I do this blog to thank you all.

So with jokes, witty banter and unbelievable Beard Quotes, the world of Facebook understand what The Captain is all about. My message is only truly getting out there now … my soldiers I have to report of one casualty … in the time that I have not been here on this blog.

Mr Marcus Nicholson, my one time trusted right hand bearded man … has only gone and done a Russell Crowe …. he has shaved his beard  *** cries uncontrollably**** . The lure of money has got the better of him.

I loved you my beloved solider, but no one is bigger than their face fur. No one! As tough as an act he is to follow, The Bearded Show must go on. So much has happened since the last time I wrote a blog to address you all.

My colleagues in work, greet me with The Bearded Salute, address me as Captain and write emails calling me Captain … one colleague has gone further gifted me with so much beard products! I could open up a beard grooming shop with the amount of product I have lol.

Yes, he maybe a fellow beard and The Bearded Commander, but you don’t get such a title as a god given right … no sir it’s on merit. You Mr David Hollier have shown over the past few months, you’re an exceptional beard … thanks guys!

I also do live Facebook broadcasts and let my FB followers into the world of The Bearded Life, the life that is truly rock and roll. Clean shaven, people please tell me, does anyone stop you in the street and say “O nice face mate” …. I thought so,so let’s just leave that discussion there shall we.

Anyway guys, thanks for your support means a lot. I forgot to mention, my beard Alhamdulillah won my team lunch, not once but twice … yeah I know I should win a nobel peace prize for my awesome work to beards.

It’s over and out and from your Bearded Captain, and I salute you all.

 

The Bearded Captain with a Monday Message
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Alhamdulillah, this is an example of bearded magnificence.Bearded brothers, with a beard, comes responsibility don’t abuse the magnificence of your beard.

 

Hello and greetings from your Bearded Captain, I pray that all my soldiers are well and are maintaining their beards. For those of you men who aren’t on the true way (by growing a beard) then know that I am a patient Captain and my door is always open for you when you see the light.

I wanted to raise the following issue brothers, it’s the issue of people giving the beard a bad name. Me as your Bearded Captain, I want to try and help the people who don’t know how awesome a beard is!

The “normal folk” (clean shaven Jessie’s) think that the beard makes you look old, or even worse some think it makes them look ugly, brothers to remind you …. we grow a beard to be awesome! Well I know I do anyway and we woow the boys and girls because of our bearded magnificence (alhamdulillah).

Unfortunately, I have to report some rebellious beards in the field. Sorry to have to post on the tone of a bit of a downer, but these beard’s need to be addressed. The beards in question, are beards who have been causing destruction in the lands of others and even their own.

Brothers, (I am referring to the rebellious beards) you have a beard because the one who helps your beard grow has been favourable to you. I know many men, who aren’t able to grow a beard (yes, they have been through my vetting process), but just because the one who helped your beard grow has shown you kindness (like he always does I must add) then what right does that give you to act in such a way that you do?

Bearded brothers all of you, remember the best way to show the beauty of the beard is in your actions. A beard can be grown within a month without shaving, but without class morality and respect, then your beard is just facial hair.

Remember bearded brothers, a beard is 99% attitude with 110% swag with the ability to make people laugh, 1% of the bearded life is down to growth as anyone could grow one per say. If we want the clean shaven folk to be amongst us bearded men, bearded warriors then we need to be kind and gentle in our actions as well as our speech.

A beard is for life, not just for winter is something I have always preached …. brothers we all need to adapt and learn to have the manners of a beard. We are beards, we are proud to be different …. let’s show the rest of the world how proud we are of our man fur!

Yes, my beard’s I will present to you The Bearded Commandments but there is a guide a lot more in depth than the commandments. This bearded guide teaches a beard how to be good to young and old, it teaches how to be good to the poor.

I have seen some beard’s on social media glamorise the killing of souls. If you want to do that (sorry but you’re a fool if you think it’s justified such action) then do that clean shaven, because imbeciles like you don’t deserve to wear the beard.

A beard is an ultimate gift. If grown correctly and with sincerity, a beard gives you humbleness, humour and kindness amongst other things. Why else was the Captain vote for as the funniest person in the office?

I leave you with that my soldiers, it’s over and out from your Bearded Captain.

The Bearded Captain; “Don’t Do A Brosnan Guys”
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Hello and greetings from The Bearded Captain. My soldiers, don’t do a Brosnan for he is a beard who only grew his beard just to keep himself relevant.

 

Hello, greetings and good evening from me your Bearded Captain. I am sorry I haven’t been around of late my beloved soldiers, please forgive me for this. As much as I love you wonderful souls, The Captain has been in Bearded Hibernation.

What that means, boys and girls – ladies, gentleman and clean shaven men is that The Captain was having some time to ponder Bearded Life and the magnificence that comes with the Territory of being The Bearded Captain.

Without further ado, I would like to address today’s issue of not doing a Brosnan. What’s a Brosnan I hear you ask? Well, my soldiers, it is this ….. I would like to think you’re all aware of the ninth Bearded Commandment … (Thou Shall Not Allow The Celebrity Status Of His Beard Get to His Head).

With the Brosnan law, it’s  kind of the opposite of this commandment but needs to be mentioned all the same. The Brosnan law is simply this, I am sure my soldiers you remember Pierce Brosnan who starred in several Bond films.

As I am sure you’re aware the James Bond Character is clean shaven, (don’t get me started please on that topic). In his youth, Brosnan sported a clean shave and was in several Bond films and seemed irresistible to the boys and girls alike.

The thing is though, the world is slowly but surely catching on to the facade of clean shaven people. I mean look at Brosnan’s  later films he has been sporting a beard, the director must read my blog or even be an undercover fan of The Captain.

But the issue is as soon as Pierce Brosnan’s career looks to be going down hill, he decides to grow a beard. Why couldn’t he have been bearded when he was James Bond?

What young guys only look good with a clean shave, what bout The Captain? MashaaAllah I look awesome because I have a beard. My soldiers a beard is for life and not just for winter or when you think your career is going down the pan you draw upon the fame that a beard gives you.

This blog is very much addressing Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan, but he who thinks he can grow a beard when he is old to still feel relevant, be warned you will not be amongst my elite.

Every beard is judged by its intention, but don’t take advantage of the beard and abuse its awesomeness. Bearded brothers, you need the beard, not the other way round. The Beard is nature’s way, a beard is a man’s way of saying he is happy in his inner self.

You, my bearded soldier, can be happy with your inner self too. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain

The Bearded Captain; Don’t Dye Your Beard In Any Colour Except Ginger!
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Hello and greetings from The Bearded Captain. My soldiers, be proud of the colour of your beard and let nature take its path 🙂

 

Hello and greetings from your Bearded Captain. I pray that all my soldiers are well, in good health and in the process of growing beards! Before I get my teeth into today’s subject, I just want to say thank you for you guys being such wonderful soldiers and as your Bearded Captain, I am really honoured to be leading you guys.

Ok, mushy stuff out of the way, so the issue at hand then. The issue which I would like to raise today is this, the issue of the dying of the beard. Now, I know what you’re thinking but please hear me out, this issue does have some relevance, you’re going to have to take my word on that.

Now, the dying of hair is a topic that people might take lightly if they do no biggie, but as I have said before our beards are unique and this isn’t merely just “another issue”. As I have said time and time again, our beard’s are unique because when maintained correctly, they look magnificent!

Of course my bearded brothers, you already know that. So with that in mind, the need to preserve one’s beard is extremely necessary.  Yes, we have talked about combing and perfuming the beard, but I just feel this issue of the beard dye hasn’t been touched upon and it needs to be.

When someone dyes their hair, they use different colours, but when it comes to the beard let’s make this clear don’t dye it. Why I hear you ask? The reason is simple a beard grows naturally, so allow nature to take it’s path, the same applies to your natural beard hair colour too.

Blonde beard, green beard or blue beard just isn’t a good luck, but ginger is I have natural ginger strands in my beard hehe. Do I really need to explain why not dye your beard in any other colours except ginger? Let’s just say this if I do need to explain,  it makes me wonder are you seriously listening to your Bearded Captain and his advice?  …. You might have to take a long hard look at yourself O Bearded One.

The sharp-minded one’s amongst you will be thinking what about when I get older and my beard turns grey what do I do? Well after studying this particular topic long and hard as I devoured a Dixy burger ( bearded man’s best friend if you like), it came to my attention that it’s absolutely not allowed to dye a grey beard back to your natural hair colour. I hope that makes sense.

When the time comes for your beard to fully mature and turn grey, embrace the fact that it’s happened to you and that you have been chosen by the one who gave you your man fur in the first place.

If you hide your natural beard hair colour to the people, a question I would ask is are you hiding other stuff, are you truthful beard. I mean if it came to it, would you share your last piece of chicken with me? (yes I would share it with a bearded brother in case you’re wondering).

I will close on this point brothers, a beard is a thing of beauty. For some of you, you will live long enough for your beard to grow grey, that’s not a bad thing far from it …. embrace it, brothers! A grey beard shows wisdom and the right person will respect you for it, if they don’t you’re around the wrong people.

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

 

Even The Bearded Captain Needs To Know His Role
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Hello and greetings from The Bearded Captain. My soldiers, fear not I am still here for you

 

Why hello and greetings there boys and girls, did you miss me? Come on we know the answer to the question of course you did! Who wouldn’t miss The Bearded Captain!? Well, worry not my bearded children, your captain and Bearded Leader hasn’t gone anywhere sorry worry not my beloved bearded children.

In my absence from blog writing, I have been carefully compiling The Bearded Commandments into a book, yes that’s right children the 10 Bearded Rules of perfection in a book, a sacred book for all beards.

As I always do I have been keeping an eye on you from afar, so don’t think you can get away with any “smart stuff”, I will be onto it in a flash. Without further ado, I want to discuss the reason why I am writing today’s blog post.

Today’s issue is in regards to one of The Bearded Commandments, the commandment of “Those Shall Keep His Beard Well Groomed”. Now, you lovely should know by now this is something that I constantly talk about, talk about a lot.

So what I am going to say next might be a tad surprising, to say the least. You lovely people are aware no doubt of The Retired Bearded General, (Father Malik) now The Retired  General himself has had to summon me a few times in regards to the way that my beard was kept.

Bearded children, for this very point I am sorry I feel I have failed you, I am sorry. Me being the flag bearer of Bearded Standards, me myself have let the standards of how a beard should be kept down.

My beard and I haven’t been in good health, although factual is a mere excuse. A beard is for life brothers not just for winter. He who thinks that their beard is for winter, you are not worthy of my tutelage ever!

A messy beard although not ideal, needs a lot of encouragement. I have gone on record and will say this again, a beard that is messy and wavy is a beard that lacks direction in life. Now please note brothers, this isn’t a condemnation, it’s an observation. Brothers, there’s hope you can get out of this slump.

Now, I am fortunate I have an esteemed beard like Father Malik telling me to sort out my beard, you lovely people have the fortune of me. Bearded brothers, the message I want to leave you with is this, we’re a bearded family that is there to help each other.

We don’t want to give the clean shaven Jessie’s any more encouragement than what they’re already getting. Brothers, be firm in the face of any bearded trials or adversity. A messy beard is one of the toughest trials that one can go through.

It’s over and out from your Bearded Captain.

 

The Bearded Captain,A Real Life Example Of The Consequences Of Shaving
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Hello and greetings from The Bearded Captain. My soldiers below is a real-life example of what happens when a commandment is broken.

 

Hello and greetings from The Bearded Captain. I pray that all my soldiers are well and in the process of growing beards. I want to address one of The Bearded Commandments with a real life example.

The Bearded Commandment in question is the commandment that is “Thou Shall Not Shave His Beard”. A stating the obvious commandment you may think, but my soldiers you will be surprised the necessity of raising the issue.

Step forward my colleague at work Mr. Andrew Cutts. Cutts, the ladies man or Sensai Cutts as he is known to us folk at work is quite the inspirational figure in our office. Despite being clean shaven, my soldiers he has been a crucial person in the life of The Bearded Captain.

He is quite a remarkable case, I say this because despite being a clean shaven Jessie, he still does have the humor and charms to woo the boys and girls. If I was to be favorable to the self-appointed “top dog”, then I would say this he does have a week long stubble.

But unforgivably he has shaved his stubble off and gone back to looking like a child. As upsetting as that has been to see as your Bearded Captain and his Bearded Captain, this next thing was the most upsetting.

The issue in specific question is this, Andrew much to my delight came into work with a lovely well maintained and well-groomed beard. When he walked into the room, he walked into work with the swag one comes to expect when you have a beard.

Compliments were many and the looks of awe were many. “Cutts, that well suits you lad” and other comments from your truly such as “Cutts you beautiful man”! Compliments like those would naturally massage the ego of any man and Mr. Cutts is naturally no different.

That actually brings me on to my next point. With all those compliments and the massaging of ego, it naturally would beg the question why would one shave such magnificence on their face off their face?

Well, that’s what Cutts did the very next day. I mean how many more compliments do you want? His actions left me completely dumbfounded, (that’s, to put it mildly). I wasn’t the only one to be left in a state of disbelief by the top dog’s actions.

My colleagues were equally as shocked as I was. The previous day, all Mr Cutts received was glowing praise and admiration from all, but the day after he committed the despicable act (shaving his beard) it appeared obvious that nature was out to teach Andrew a lesson.

Andy himself was looking for the admiration from those very same people that he was getting from the people the day before, but I am sorry Andrew Cutts, I know you are a unique case of being someone who has powers of humour despite being clean shaven, but it went to show that even you need a beard to be relevant.

You were surprised when you received the admiration of the people one day, but not the next, but don’t be surprised by such a reaction. The Beard makes you, and you don’t make it ….. Do not forget that my soldiers!

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

 

The Bearded Captain; “Alhamdulillah my powers of humor​ are returning”.
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Alhamdulillah, this is an example of bearded magnificence.Bearded brothers, good news Alhamdullilah my powers are starting to return 😉

 

Hello and greetings from The Bearded Captain, I pray that my soldiers are well inshaaAllah and are maintaining their beards. Guys, for the past few weeks the one who gave me the beard (the party piece of my face), the all-mighty decided to give me man flu.

No, I am not complaining I am just stating the facts. With like anytime you feel ill or unwell, one naturally feels weaker and groggy. Naively I thought as The Bearded Captain I thought I would be ok, but maybe I was arrogant and forgot that no matter how awesome my man fur is (my beard) don’t forget to thank the one who gave you the man fur in the first place.

That is the all-mighty I am referring to, of course, the one who enabled to have such beautiful man fur, MashaaAllah. In this period of me having man flu, my powers felt like they were getting zapped from me.

Usually, when I go to work, I walk into the office in style, admiring glances many and the looks of awe were many too, but since my man flu, it felt like the world was going on in a “normal way” when I entered the room.

As The Bearded Captain, this is something which is unheard of for me, but this whole man flu experience if you want to call it that has been very humbling. I learned despite being The Bearded Captain, I shouldn’t take my beard for granted.

I naively thought that with my beard comes awesomeness …. this is true, but there’s more to this than that. These two weeks that I have had man flu have shown that with “power” comes tests and challenges.

Let me give you an example, Clarke Kent (Superman, which is debatable in itself as this guy didn’t have a beard), went through phases where he loses his powers. Superman turned into a mere mortal for a period, but as time went by he was able to regain his powers.

Of course, Superman lost his powers whenever he saw Kryptonite or came into contact with the stuff. The thing is with me (The Bearded Captain) I don’t know what my “Kryptonite” is.

So how can I cure myself of man flu, if I don’t know what is causing the problem? It’s a question that has rumbled on for a while and will rumble on for a while longer no doubt. After consulting with some loyal soldiers around me, they advised that I increase my intake of Vitamin C, me being the down to earth Captain that I am, I decided to listen to them and now take Vitamin C tablets every day.

I have mentioned this before, but I will say this again, I wouldn’t wish man flu on my worst enemy. These two weeks have been tough, but they have taught me, don’t take anything for granted and that always thank the one who gave you the ability to don such magnificent facial hair.

Remember, if it wasn’t for he who gave you the lovely man fur, you wouldn’t be as awesome as you have been. My soldiers, remember you wouldn’t have been able to charm the boys and girls with your witty nature, as well as an awesome sense of humor.

On this note, it’s time for me to say, boys and girls, my Bearded Soldiers it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

The Bearded Captain With Some Words; Beware Of Man Flu

 

 

Hello and greetings from your Bearded Captain. I pray all my Bearded Soldiers are well inshaaAllah and are in the process of growing beards. I want to start this address by saying I apologise that my own standards in The Bearded Field have slipped.

For the past two months, after extensive training from my Bearded Mentor  (The Commander and Chief) Ahmed Talib Rashid, I was deemed ready to be The Bearded Captain by him and also got the “approving nod” by Mr David Hollier (a non-active Bearded Commander).

Now the role of The Bearded Captain is something you’re born with and The Bearded Greatness (to have the attitude and swag) was taught to me, selflessly by Ahmed Rashid. The tough love and the harshness all makes sense now, that explains why I took retrospective action against the two disobedient beards.

The first beard was Mr David Hunter. Mr Hunter committed the cardinal sin of doing a “Russel Crowe”. A Russel Crowe is someone who thinks they are too big for their beard and then shaves it off! Let me explain further, I am sure you lovely people are aware of that blockbuster movie that was Gladiator.

I mean, after all, it was only one of the greatest films of all time! In this film, you had the character Maximus/ Spaniard who was played by Russel Crowe of course. Now many would recognise in this film that Crowe gave an award winning performance, but what many won’t recognise is that his beard was the true award winner.

Just look at it (MashaaAllah Allah huma barik), but then it went downhill, with the beard comes fame and our Russel, couldn’t handle the fame and thus shaved off his beard.

Since that day forward whoever follows this treacherous person (Crowe) then he will be seen like him, thus creating the Russel Crowe law. Never did I expect to witness anyone to do the same despicable act that Crowe did all those years ago.

How could someone do such a thing? I know, even I ask such a question but such a thing happened and to make it even worse, something of a similar nature ( a bearded man shaving off his beard) happened in the modern day …. step forward Mr David Hunter.

Of course, he was duly punished by being sentenced to a donkey scrub in the middle for everyone to see for a painstaking 30 minutes, but the pain still hurts that someone thinks they can do such a thing.

So that’s one bad experience of my leadership, another was the experience of the other disobedient beard, Adam Malik. This beard was seen as a very close friend of mine, this beard would be someone who was granted permission to call me every day, but he lost his rights of doing this.

The reason Mr Malik lost his rights to do this were because just like David he got too big for his boots. Adam openly revolted against me by questioning a direct order. Coffee is a bearded beverage and tea in comparison is for clean shaven Jessie’s.

I gave him the chance to repent, but this beard was unrepentant …. and to make his case worse he thinks only one trilby/snapback is enough. I quote “isn’t one enough”, for foolish comments like that I would have ordered him to wax his legs and arms, but I went soft as I see him as a beard  who can change.

He needed a punishment regardless of my love for him and his punishment was that he was stripped of being a Bearded Sargent and is merely a Bearded Foot soldier, it pained me to have to make such a decision on someone I love so dearly.

Mr Marcus Nicholson is now the sole Bearded Sargent if anyone wants to apply for the role of Bearded Sargent,please feel free to email me at the following address beard@thebeardedcaptain.com

Now there was a reason why I share those two examples of beards who have been disobedient, the reason is this …. yours truly is going through a difficult time in his bearded leadership.

The admiring glances …….. have reduced, the admirers, on the whole, have reduced …… An example of this was when a clean-shaven Jessie Andy Cutts was given the reception I have been used to getting with my beard.

I know the reason why my powers are dwindling …… it’s man flu! * cries uncontrollably* I was magnificent two weeks ago, it was just two god damn weeks! Even managers are saying your beard looks messy ….. damn you man flu!

My jokes have gone because of my sore and aching throat, this has ruined my delivery of telling jokes. I must also add I have not been able to work on new material, due to the epidemic and when people ask me for new jokes, I say “I can’t think of any”! *sobs uncontrollably*

Please guys please, I ask you to donate just a smile by leaving a comment in the comment section today. Your smile could save a once funny man and make him funny again … thank you.

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.