Why there is more to the Beard than meets the face

Hello, good morning, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Bearded Soldiers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! Kings let’s talk, about Beards. I am sure you get it don’t you when you’re in the street? ‘Nice Beard’, ‘ Love your Beard’, and so on.

Nice isn’t when that happens? But brothers, let’s talk about the times when you get the opposite. You look ‘ugly’ with a Beard or it makes you look ‘old’, these are the common ones, but let’s look at the pros of a Beard (everyone anti-Beard, will tell you the apparent cons).

Shaving is a nightmare, I shave my head and I am playing roulette where it’s blade and skin seeing if they can go past each other without war wounds, 99% off the time the blade defeats the skin and I get shaving cuts.

I don’t need this drama in my life! Ideally I shouldn’t have gone bald, but now I am what’s needed is a must. There is some attraction to shaving, but the maintenance of your face and the avoiding of the Beard itch. Life is complicated at the best of times, I don’t need a Beard itch issue to worry about.

Growing a Beard alleviates that problem, it also alleviates the face rash issue in the summer, your Beard reflects the heat, it’s a face shield. We’re men, we won’t complain shall we say if we get some attention from the women folk, and fellas let’s face it a lady will say nice Beard to a brother, but what can she say to a clean shaven?

Nice hairy chest? But knowing them they probably shave that too by pinching their wife’s Gillette Venus blade. You can get abuse by people for your Beard, but the ones that respect your Beard, know that they’re real people.

Growing a Beard isn’t an easy road, but to enhance the inner man, it’s what’s needed. People buy stresses balls, just stroke your Beard it’s therapeutic. Soldiers, you do you, stay awesome.

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What a fresh beard cut and hair cut have in common

Hello, good morning my Bearded Brothers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Shining Bearded Knights, I pray you’re in good health, looking after yourselves and your Beards! Bearded Kings, let’s talk, let’s talk about a fresh Beard trim. Now, we have spoke about this topic in another blog, that can be found here; https://ayyazmalik.com/2020/07/07/the-just-trimmed-feeling/ .

Bearded Soldiers, I want to talk about the resemblances that a fresh hair and Beard cut have with each other. Automatically, when you have a hair cut you feel like Jason Mamoa/Tom Hardy, who both have fantastic Beards (The Bearded Captain approved graded man fur).

Brothers, when you go to the barbers (the unsung heroes, until they try to shave your Beard or eyebrows .. back off BOY!), after the visit hair .. residue shall we say get’s left on your face and head.

That period from the barber takes off the bib and wipes your face down, or face and Beard down and you get up, pay the noble Beard craftsmen for his expert precision and walk the walk of fame.

The walk of fame? I hear you ask. Yes, the walk where you feel a $1 million and that six feet taller and all over a sudden, you have (in your mind) the most pristine physical appearance, (six pack and all).

Whether it be your face or your Beard, you have that walk, the walk of when it’s windy you feel the last breath of the wind, worried it will mess your pristine hair style or fine styled Beard. When the days pass by, it happens with Beard cut and hair cut, things don’t appear as they seem.

The well trimmed, groomed hair style/ Beard style just isn’t the same. Bit of hair balm will sort the hair style mould back into place, or Beard balm shapes your Beard back into shape and stops the side part of your Beard puffing out.

To a point, this works, but then your realise with both hair and Beard it goes out of place. It can be deflating, I have felt it. The Captain suggests to regularly maintain your Beard and your hair too. Out of all of the things to spend money on, on number one and to look the best version of you is the main priority.

The day after the day before, is a case of being brought back to earth. The day before, you felt awesome with a fresh hair cut/Beard cut, now after waking up from some good rest your hair and man face trophy (your Beard) look like you have been given an electric shock and all the current has gone there.

Brothers, hair cuts and Beard cuts is a see-saw of an emotion, just make sure – where you can, that you make sure you comb your Beard every day and use Beard balm. I will leave you with this, Beard’s and Beard life is all about TLB (Tender Loving of Beard).

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

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The best feeling

Hello, good evening my Brothers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag-bearer of Beard on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Bearded Knights, Beardionado’s I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! Kings, let’s talk, rain. Brothers we have spoke about rain before, but I am sure we haven’t spoke about it in the following way.

My Beloved’s, rain of course is beautiful to look, when you’re inside, which is what we want to talk about. Considering the answer is yes I do, who agrees that rain is beautiful to look at in a traffic jam (when you’re in the passenger side) and at home through the front room window.

Now, this next bit has divided opinion, but according to the people I ask a good warm cuppa and a slice of toast or slices is the way to go, or a samosa/spring roll. Please Brothers, jump in are you one for warm coffee in front of the fire or even like a warm blanket?

Of course the Pakistani contingent can relate, but I want to know your thoughts. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

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How bread SHOULD be toasted

Hello, good afternoon my Bearded Stallion/s , it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, Flag Bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Bearded brethren, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! Brothers, we need to talk .. about toast. Toast is of course, when bread is warmed and well, toasted. There is one way to toast bread, I here you ask .. no no, let’s have a chat.

Brothers, there is a correct answer to this, just like there is a correct way to make a coffee. Toast, shouldn’t be too well toasted, if they are, they of course burn and go too hard. No one wants to eat slabs, as slabs go on the roof of your house.

There is a certain way, but I have to call out the toaster companies for spoiling people with the number dial on the side. Up or down, you decide they say, but this kind of power leaves the customer not able to make logical life choices.

For the record, the number three setting is too light. Nothing more annoying than putting some bread down into the toaster, here the pop sound and see that they’re still as white as milk! To correct that, the logical way is to many (me included) is to turn up the toaster setting, leave it for 10 seconds too long though and the toast get’s hard.

If you leave it too soft, the question is why have toast, just have bread? (Pschopath). The correct answer is, don’t burn your toast, but they should be done well enough that they’re a lovely golden brown. One does have some wriggle room for burnt toast to light bread ratio, but it’s not much.

Now my last point, and yes I am right, because well I am the Bearded leader. For sandwiches, bread should be toasted, Subway? I rest my case. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

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Hello, good afternoon beloved Beards. I hope you’re well. We hear at ayyazmalik.com love telling stories and sharing them too. Alhamdulillah we have been operating for over six years and we’re looking to solidify our website and help it grow too, but we need your support please. Whatever large or little amount you think you can spare, it’s still even bigger to us. With your kind donation/support we want to give a contribution to the local community sports hall, to help young kids do what they do best, have fun! Thank you for your support

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The power of a power nap

Hello, good evening my Beards I hope you’re well and looking after yourselves. It’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, we need to talk. We need to talk power naps. Power naps, or cat naps I am now aware of just why they call them power naps, simply because in such a short space of sleeping time you feel refreshed and reenergised.

I used the power nap in Ramadan, which helped me in the back end of the day as I was feeling the hunger pans and the energy drain as psychologically I knew the end was nigh for that particular day of fasting.

The fact that I would snore the house down after eventually my body was adequately warm, isn’t something we will mention, nope. There was a slight down side and that would be at night time, my body wouldn’t be ready for sleep until somewhat later into the night is not ideal.

But I can’t emphasise this enough, a power nap is what I am branding what people call a siesta or for the Muslims Kayloola (probably spelling that wrong). So there you have it, if you fancy a power nap brothers, remember there’s pros and cons, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

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Eye of the driver

Hello, and greetings my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag Bearer of all Beards, on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh, and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Beloved’s I want to talk about an issue important in the life of Beard, the issue of driving. Driving people mad? No sir, driving your car.

Some may say, I am good at driving people round the bend, or using the golf club (driver), but no Brother Beards, I want to talk about drivers of a motor vehicle. Driving, as much as some won’t like to admit it, the environment protestors – your Greta Thunberg’s of this world, it’s necessary in today’s day and age.

In current times, the sky high fuel and energy prices, then there is a valid argument that, maybe you can live without four wheels, or maybe two. Day in day out tasks, involve driving from place to place.

What amazes about driving, is that no matter how careful you be, if someone is careless on the road, you can be directly affected (car accident, may the All mighty protect us from that). Long journeys, again that’s another test in itself.

The best position in a car, arguably is anyone and not the drivers side. The need to be looking at the front and the back of you, at the same time. If that isn’t enough, then you need to look after your left and right; and over your shoulder too.

These are the challenges of drivers in England/UK, but for places like Pakistan for example- that’s a different ball game! That’s it from me, thank you My Bearded Beloved’s, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

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The Captain goes to Cockneywood

Hello, good evening my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag Bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! I want to talk about an important issue in the life of Beards and for me in particular, that was the time I went to London, but for the sake of this blog post, we’re going to call Cockneywood.

Ahh Cockneywood, the home of Del Boy Trotter and The Big Ben. I am not sure which one is more iconic, I will let you decide. The capital city, home of Arsenal, Chelsea, West Ham and Tottenham amongst many other football clubs in London.

Or what about The Home Of Cricket, Lords. People will have different thoughts of London, but one thing is for sure, it’s a city that’s a magical city. Madame Tussauds or the iconic Southall, Cockneywood has you covered.

Yes, the parking restrictions are a nightmare and also the bus lanes too, but whatever you do, don”t get on the wrong side of the congestion charge. Cost Cutter, or the TFL website, is where you can get that sorted, you’re welcome.

I am Mancunian and a proud one at that, is there anything I missed Londoners? Let us know in the comments, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

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Should they be called starters though?

Greetings My Beards, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Bearded Kings, I want to talk about an important issue in the life of The Bearded Captain. Brothers, I want to talk starter food.

This topic might not resonate with all, but for the ones it does, I want to talk about starter food. So what is starter food? Well, that would mean foods like kebabs, chicken tikka pieces or fish pieces.

Here are some examples of some delicious succulent meat. Question is though, why is such meat deemed as starters? For those of you who can relate, (when you go to a buffet) I would ditch having rice as majority of the time rice is like chips, they all taste the same or very similar and fill myself up on starter food.

I have done this on many occasions. Mummy Malik, these days as I am dieting, would encourage me to have plenty of meat and ditch carbs as much as possible. So bye bye rice, or the portion would be small and bye bye naan, or the piece I would have would be small! *cries*.

The human stomach is a beautiful thing. In the days of my extreme eating, I would have two layers of being full. One from being full from starters then the other from mains. But, and it’s a biggie, there’s a section for dessert, that’s a special section in your stomach.

Even if you have ate like a horse and ate that horse too, there will still be room for dessert. Do you agree, do you disagree? Let us know in the comments.

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Daddy Beard

Hello, good morning my Bearded Stud Muffins, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, in good health and looking after your Beards! Bearded Beloved’s I want to talk about an issue, that’s important to your Bearded Leader, the issue of being Daddy Beard. Please don’t mistaken that for me talking about ‘who’s your Daddy?’

If you have your mind tuned to one way of thinking, I am not talking about that context, nor am I talking about custody battles. My Soldiers, I am talking about when you get the happy news that you’re going to be a father to a Baby Beard or a Baby Beardette.

Which ever gender your baby is (male or female), one thing is for certain, Brothers be careful of your Beards. Yes your Man face trophy attracts a lot of admiration from the boys and girls a like, but when a baby gets hold of your Beard, boy o boy!

Of course, they don’t realise it, but the all mighty tug they give your Beard, ouch!!! So severe is that pain, Brothers you think, you know what, threading isn’t the worst pain for a Beard to feel, it’s the tugging of your Beard by a baby!

If it isn’t the Beard tugging, feel rest assured your Beard will need even more care, due to the amount of times your Beard will get messed up. Yes, Beard tugging from a baby is painful, but have you experienced getting your Beard caught on a coat zip?

All other pain that you feel pales into insignificance. I leave you with that thought, it’s over and out from your Bearded Captain.

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