Hello and good afternoon my Brothers, it’s me your Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media, I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.
My Bearded Soldiers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! Beloved’s we need to talk, what we need to talk about is some things that irritates The Captain and no doubt you too. Brothers, I am sure you’re the same, but have you ever spilt something and then it doesn’t come out of your clothes for example? Here Brothers, I want to talk of something along these lines.
Brothers, one of the worst feelings is, seeing someone clean shaven I know, but another example is getting super glue on your hands. The stickiness, isn’t like getting the sugar frosting in your hands, no!
This my Beards is like your thumb or fingers getting suffocated and then your hand crinkles up! This is a fate you won’t wish on your worst enemy. Thankfully, after a few days it does sort itself out, after the hours of filing the roughness, I must add.
Another example is when bleach touches clothes, or colour run! Many of clothes have been ruined due to that deadly duo! With the colour run, never ever does it make an additional ‘nice’ colour, it has go and ruin it!
There is the colour run remover which has been discovered, thank God for that! The last thing of the things you can’t get out list is chewing gum! You get that SOB in your shoes, it’ there for the long haul!
Well, as I don’t have hair, I have seen some get bubble gum in their hair and that lead to some waterworks for the person who managed to get some in their hair. Can’t remember how they got it out, but I can only think to offend the stuck hair by cutting it is the solution.
Imagine getting gum stuck in your beard??? Ahh, wouldn’t wish it on anyone, the same way I wouldn’t wish any Beard to get icing stuck in their beard of toffee/caramel. God forbid! It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.
Hello and Greetings my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh.
Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Beloved’s I want to talk about an important issue in the life of beard, the issue of things that never end. Shaving is of course one of them, our solution grow a beard.
It’s you doing your bit for the environment, but if you’re bald like me, you’re still using a razor anyway. The shaving of your face is the most tedious 20 minutes of your life you won’t get back. The same could be said about shaving head, but hey, no one can put into words that feeling of head touching the cold pillow when head has been freshly shaved.
That brothers, that’s stuff of legend! Anyway, I do digress the issues of things that seem like they never end. One is gardening, yeah if you watch Desperate House Wives, then being a gardener is the lady wooower, no brothers that’ your Beard that does that.
Gardening, like maintaining your face can be tedious, but it doesn’t have to be that way. To keep a well groomed face, we suggest grow a beard and perfume it. Plants grow, grass grows and in these situations you allow both to grow nicely and keep them maintained, but with a man’s face different principles apply apparently.
Another never ending thing is washing your car *cue the shark tale song*. Health wise, it helps you burn some under stated calories like housework does, but once done, a clean car (whatever the car) is a nice sight.
But makes it baffling then why car’s get dirty, we wouldn’t allow ourselves to get dirty we bathe ourselves, same rules apply right? But it’s very tedious I know my Beards, keep with it … it’s worth it.
Decorating is another thing that seems like it never ends, but there is a simple solution. Some get tempted to decorate a room in purple or with a unicorn design, we all know that will end in tears when inevitably whoever room it was grows up.
That unicorn, has flown away and no longer relevant. The work, the time of pasting the walls and the wall paper could have been saved. Carpets, or flooring can’t be ignored as that’s unavoidable. Having carpets brings warmth having flooring brings style.
Whatever your opinion on house decor, I salute you for starting as it doesn’t finish that easily. The last example, is a bit more of a positive example of doing some that never ends is making sure you have good health and exercising.
Brothers, I don’t usually get too influenced by Instagram stars, but those older guys who are ripped with very well maintained bodies is something I wouldn’t mind when I get to that age. I don’t want to ‘fat shame’ or zero size anyone, but brothers not having a six pack, I will say ok no worries, but being obese it’s not beard like.
This unlike the other examples is just that bit more rewarding, but Beards I feel your pain! It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain!
Hello and good afternoon, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.
Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My beloved’s I want to talk about an important issue of the world of Beard. My Soldiers, I want to talk about the issue of sports suitable for Bearded men.
To carry on with this healthy theme, of the last post, brothers playing sports is a very Bearded thing to do. Cricket, is a sport where there many Bearded men, Moeen Ali, Adil Rashid, Kieron Pollard and Imran Tahir to just name some.
Cricket, harshly gets associated with being an old man’s game, but in it’s defence they don’t roll around in agony when they get tickled almost by the opposition player. Neymar, this is aimed at you sir.
Goalkeepers are the hardmen of football, the running out at the feet of attackers and running out for crosses and claiming the ball, but the rule makers have softened them up. Any little brush of soldiers, that’s it’s a foul.
The ruggedness of Roy Keane, is a thing of the past. Wrestling is another Bearded sport. WWE in it’s current form is soft, but Roman Reigns, Brock Lesnar and Braun Strauman are some good examples of Beards who represent Beard kind in sports.
Tennis and F1 don’t have that Bearded figure in their ranks (they’re rich men sports) but true wealth is in having a face that looks $1 million and with a beard it does. Snooker has a Bearded player Rory Mcleod, but the smooth wooden sticks seem to have a bias towards clean shaven men I thought, but McLeod proved this wrong.
Not just for it’s physicality solely, but also for the amount of rugby players do have them, rugby is Bearded man’s sport. The scrum and the way they tackle each other in a crunching manner, it’s not for the faint hearted.
The other side of rugby is the respect they show the referee, this is a far cry from football, who could take notes from their rugby counterparts. There are sports like archery and field events in athletics, but brothers we’re men.
We’re not just men, we’re Bearded men! Brothers, football is entertaining, but no that how those football players act, this isn’t men like behaviour! Tennis is good for the health, but is poor for the Bearded community. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.
Hello and greetings my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.
Brothers, I pray you’re well, in good health and looking after your Beards! My beloved’s I want to talk about an important issue in the life of Beards … Breakfast. Whether you have it in the morning or the very early afternoon, arguably that first meal in the morning, hits the spot!
Some go for porridge (gross) others go for Weetabix or corn flakes, but if you want a Bearded Breakfast- eggs, toast, brown bread with orange juice is the shout! Protein filled eggs and brown bread for easy digestion and wala, a happy tum in more ways than one.
This topic of breakfast I know divides the masses, but my argument is this, eat early allow your system to digest your food and dispose of the waste in a timely manner too. Some argue the Intermittent fasting route, ok fine if that suits you.
A morning coffee, but not too early if you follow the health experts, is the best compliment to this meal. Brothers, I love to laugh and joke yes, but I have a moral Bearded responsibility to encourage good Bearded choices.
To grow facial hair yes, but to make sure you look after your second six pack, the first being your Beard. I am going to leave you with this .. . Brothers, look to make your diet a priority, health is wealth!
Hello and Greetings, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag-bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.
Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Soldiers, I want to talk about an important issue in the life of Beard, it’s the issue of when you’re favourite shop closes down.
In my childhood, when the legendary Woolworths folded and had to shut their doors, it wasn’t just their shareholders who were weeping into their pillow, a lot of the Whalley Range, Chorlton and Old Trafford kids were too.
Our Saturday’s would have to drastically change as a result of this. The new kid on the block B&M tried to be the knight and shining armour for all those heartbroken kids, but not even they were able to come and alleviate the problem.
The Woolies pick and mix, was unheralded before its arrival, what is the kids toy shop, but it would be on the lips of every kid and on even more kids than just the local area, upon the Woolworths closure.
It’s not just B&M, who were there to try and soften the pick&mix blow , all super markets stocked do this too . As good as that is, for us 90’s kids a part of our childhood went when Woolworths went. The loss of Blockbuster was cushioned with the change of trends, as the world went away from video rentals.
We could manage that closure of Blockbuster and a new supermarket came in it’s place. But this wasn’t any supermarket place, it was an M&S supermarket. Although you might not get The Mask or the Sean Connery James Bond films, you could get a stonkingly good Salmon there and other gems from the M&S food range.
So after explaining all of that, brothers I am now having to console myself upon the closure of another shop. This shop brothers, is the closure of The Bodyshop in my area. You’re probably thinking, Captain you mean car body, like a mechanics? We didn’t see you as a petrol head?
First thing, I am not a petrol head … I drive a diesel car, leave me alone it’s 5:42am at time of writing and I need a silly joke to cheer me up. The Bodyshop brothers, is a shop for your own body.
My beloved’s just like with Woolworths, a part of my nostalgic memories went too. I would go every so often into my adult version of Woolworths and window shop, literally buy things that were in their window display (perfume gift sets) .
I promise you now, no more dead jokes .. in this paragraph at least . Now, not like the Superdrug memories of going in there and ‘buying perfume’. There was never any purchasing, but rather try before I buy.
Tried, I did but buy I didn’t. Gillette Wild Rain and Arctic Ice, where you at? It would be them two deodorant scents that I would like the most and in turn spray too. I, looking back do feel sorry for those staff who probably rolled their eyes, when they saw ‘him’ again.
Back to the topic of fragrances though and for me this is my equivalent of a sweet shop. Yes, there are several sweet smells if you like, but I am referring to the fact that you’re in a shop full of perfume excellence and the most gorgeous smells too!
There are several shops that have perfume sections, but the dedicated perfume shops? That’s its own niche. Buying the perfumes online is good, but as Roy Walker said, it’s not quite right, it’s like with any other retail therapy.
At one stage, due to fragrancedirect.co.uk, having a shop or little stall in my work’s premises, I might or might not have had 11 bottles of different perfumes at the time, with the most expensive being £56.
I wasn’t using them as air fresheners either, rest assured.
Some may laugh and say, that’s how much their everyday fragrance would cost and not their most expensive , but I am not Billy big b*lls like you. To sum up my final thoughts, The Bodyshop, you’re going to be missed of sure, the times I forgot to get Eid presents come into mind.
When the old Sid’s fish and chips shut down near my dad’s old shop, (let’s face it was disgusting) and San Ho came to what is now roaring approval looking back, then that’s an example of shops closing down for the better.
Although not my favourite chippy, it was the favourite of others. Maybe a new perfume kid come on that block like San Ho did, all those years back. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.
Hello and good morning, here I Ayyaz Malik aka the bearded Captain, talk about when your favourite shop closes down
Hello and good evening my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag-bearer of all beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.
My Beloved’s I hope you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! Brothers, we need to talk about an important issue in the life of Beard, it’s the issue of Autumn. My Beards, you won’t hear me talk about Autumn too much, as well it’s a quiet period in the year.
It’s not too hot, the lets put chicken on the barbie warm or go bare chested (this doesn’t apply to the North East folk), it’s arguably a lull period. The Summer has all but gone, but winter hasn’t arrived yet.
I suppose a good thing about it then, is it protects us from winter. Autumn, well for me that’s usually where my Saturday’s are taken up collecting leaves, nope not like stamp collecting, no putting it in a pile and toss it in our green bin I mean.
The funny thing about that exercise is, if it’s a house you live in like mine, where there are trees galore at the front, then leaves come off the trees and on to the grass like it’s raining. You can be there, working away, even breaking a sweat and then once you’re all done the leaves come drop by again to say hello (yes that was a pun).
With autumn, the weather isn’t set in stone (but it never is these days). One day it’s arctic cold and the next, well you feel like you want to wear a vest like Bruce Willis in Die Hard and go about your day.
I suppose hear is the best place to share this story with you. I was in year seven, so I was like what 12 and I didn’t do my maths homework. You know Manchester United and Barcelona playing out a 3-3 thriller, was much more in need of my attention.
Problem was, it was me needing to get some leaves and I wasn’t able to get any as that was my first class. Everyone gave their homework in, but not me. I made an excuse that I couldn’t get a leaf, wasn’t possible. Will never forgot the last part, was summoned to detention and was given a roasting and 12-year old me against an older man (head of department) brought me to near tears as he was bemused with my half attempted excuse.
As you read this, you might start to build a dislike for this season of the year, but let’s not forget it brought The Bearded Captain into the world, so it’s not all bad. Autumn, is a protector of winter, let’s embrace it, because once winter comes you will miss this period.
Hello and good evening my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag-bearer of all beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.
My Beloved’s I hope you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! Brothers, we need to talk about an important issue in the life of Beard, it’s the issue of voice notes. Synonymous with Whattsapp, a voice note is a message you send with your voice.
This can be done over Apple’s Imessage system, but usually it’s people who use the Facebook owned messaging service that use it. Easy, quick and no hassle the voice note is an easy way to express your opinion right?
Well, this is quite the topic that divides opinion. it’s argued ( by weirdos) that VN, is just too much hassle to listen to, write a message and receive one back. Why do you have to change the direction of the conversation for?
If you’re like in the office and you see on your screen that someone has sent a message that you have to listen to, then you have to put the volume down as you listen to it, don’t you? Have you not heard of headphones?
Better still, Apple, Samsung and the other phone companies all have wireless earphones, cool tech right? It’s made for times like this! I argue that those same people who have an issue with VN, are the ones who send five messages to raise a point that could have been written in one!
But yeah, I am the problem because I put my phone down on the side of my computer like now, swipe up to record and speak. There has been a counter argument, that I should download Whattsapp on to my computer, good argument, but my device is old and is in need of deleting apps and not increasing them.
This voice note debate, won’t be solved in this post, (although it should be look at my arguments lol), but a balance is needed, maybe keep the voice notes to a minimum and ask the person if it’s ok to send voice notes and if it’s not tell them they don’t know what they’re talking about and send them a 20 minute one to really ram the message home.
Hello and Greetings it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards on digital and digital broadcasting media, I am that Beard who tries to make people smile. My beloved’s I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards!
I want to talk about an important issue in the world of Beard. Brothers, it’s about being oblivious to the weather shall we call it. My Bearded Soldiers, I want to ask you are you like me? I mean, are you like me when it comes to having coffee in the summer?
Apparently it’s too hot to have coffee and in the winter it’s too cold to have ice cream or cold drinks, this is nonsense right? I want to know your opinion on this please guys. Also, me personally, it’s only if it’s like near 40 degrees weather, would I turn down a fish and chips or any other fry up.
To keep the topic on weather for want of a better way of putting it, cold weather does dictate the clothes you wear. If it’s cold, you can ditch the shorts! Some blokes have legs that give you nightmares and that put you off your dinner.
Lock them away, lock them away! You’re not a postman who wears shorts in minus temperature , you don’t work on street corners where they do the same, nor are you gonna go five-sets with Rafa Nadal. That’s one side of it, the other is don’t be like one of those shady drug dealers.
Those gentleman, don’t wear just one pair of sweatpants in the scorching sun, nope they wear two ! Obviously these guys live in Dubai all year round and think UK’s summer is meek compared to The Arab Emirates.
I am sure I have opened up a discussion here, so what do you think I want to know your thoughts, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.
Hello and Greetings my Bearded Soldiers it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag-bearer of all beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.
My beloved brothers, I pray you’re well and looking after yourself and your beards! My Beloved Soldiers, I want to talk to you about an important issue in the life of Beards. Brothers, what I want to talk about is food you don’t like, but over time you do like.
Let me explain, for me it was doughnuts, onion bhajis and mixed vegetables. There was a time, i would hate the three of these with a huge passion. Mum said it’s mixed vegetables for dinner, in my mind it would be close to a full scale riot,
There was me thinking why isn’t kebabs, pizza or chicken burgers for dinner???? But eventually over time she wore me down. Me admitting this, dangerously opened the floodgates. What about chapati with potatoes in them, or what about jalebi? The family asked.
A flat rebuttal would be my response, but they weren’t having any of it and even now many years later, they playfully always offer me jalebi knowing I don’t like, but also adamantly believing just one day like I did with doughnuts, I to will like them as well.
Is this possible? Can you like foods you once didn’t? Let me know in the comments.
Hello and Greetings my Bearded Soldiers it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag-bearer of all beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.
My beloved brothers, I pray you’re well and looking after yourself and your beards! My brothers, I want to talk to you about an important issue in the life of beards. My soldiers, you probably didn’t know that besides some of my nicknames such as handsome devil, Mr Beardnificent and of course The Bearded Captain, I have one other nickname.
This nickname is Michael Owen. A bit of a strange on the face of it, yes I know but if I tell you this was a name that The Bearded General Daddy Malik calls me, then you can see where I am going with this.
On other blog posts and videos, I have mentioned Dad’s sharp wit and humour. My dad, after he learned I got injured playing football after the third and fourth time of playing football, he declared that I am worse than Michael Owen with my injuries.
Whenever I would come back from football, his first question, well Michael you injured? The funny thing was most of the time it was yes dad! Yeah, I had a knee as good as Rafael Nadal’s, but that’s a lie as you don’t see me winning 13 French Open titles.
The closest I have been to Roland Garros is Paris Airport and even that was for two hours as I was on a flight to Dubai that didn’t go direct. From my infected foot, that turned Nutty Professor size at one point, to the knee ligament strain, football just didn’t seem to agree with me.
But once I heal inshaaAllah soon, I will be back playing football, I just won’t learn.
