Why hello and greetings there boys and girls, did you miss me? Come on we know the answer to the question of course you did! Who wouldn’t miss The Bearded Captain!? Well, worry not my bearded children, your captain and Bearded Leader hasn’t gone anywhere sorry worry not my beloved bearded children.
In my absence from blog writing, I have been carefully compiling The Bearded Commandments into a book, yes that’s right children the 10 Bearded Rules of perfection in a book, a sacred book for all beards.
As I always do I have been keeping an eye on you from afar, so don’t think you can get away with any “smart stuff”, I will be onto it in a flash. Without further ado, I want to discuss the reason why I am writing today’s blog post.
Today’s issue is in regards to one of The Bearded Commandments, the commandment of “Those Shall Keep His Beard Well Groomed”. Now, you lovely should know by now this is something that I constantly talk about, talk about a lot.
So what I am going to say next might be a tad surprising, to say the least. You lovely people are aware no doubt of The Retired Bearded General, (Father Malik) now The Retired General himself has had to summon me a few times in regards to the way that my beard was kept.
Bearded children, for this very point I am sorry I feel I have failed you, I am sorry. Me being the flag bearer of Bearded Standards, me myself have let the standards of how a beard should be kept down.
My beard and I haven’t been in good health, although factual is a mere excuse. A beard is for life brothers not just for winter. He who thinks that their beard is for winter, you are not worthy of my tutelage ever!
A messy beard although not ideal, needs a lot of encouragement. I have gone on record and will say this again, a beard that is messy and wavy is a beard that lacks direction in life. Now please note brothers, this isn’t a condemnation, it’s an observation. Brothers, there’s hope you can get out of this slump.
Now, I am fortunate I have an esteemed beard like Father Malik telling me to sort out my beard, you lovely people have the fortune of me. Bearded brothers, the message I want to leave you with is this, we’re a bearded family that is there to help each other.
We don’t want to give the clean shaven Jessie’s any more encouragement than what they’re already getting. Brothers, be firm in the face of any bearded trials or adversity. A messy beard is one of the toughest trials that one can go through.
It’s over and out from your Bearded Captain.