Hello and good evening my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag-bearer of all beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.
My Beloved’s I hope you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! Brothers, we need to talk about an important issue in the life of Beard, it’s the issue of Autumn. My Beards, you won’t hear me talk about Autumn too much, as well it’s a quiet period in the year.
It’s not too hot, the lets put chicken on the barbie warm or go bare chested (this doesn’t apply to the North East folk), it’s arguably a lull period. The Summer has all but gone, but winter hasn’t arrived yet.
I suppose a good thing about it then, is it protects us from winter. Autumn, well for me that’s usually where my Saturday’s are taken up collecting leaves, nope not like stamp collecting, no putting it in a pile and toss it in our green bin I mean.
The funny thing about that exercise is, if it’s a house you live in like mine, where there are trees galore at the front, then leaves come off the trees and on to the grass like it’s raining. You can be there, working away, even breaking a sweat and then once you’re all done the leaves come drop by again to say hello (yes that was a pun).
With autumn, the weather isn’t set in stone (but it never is these days). One day it’s arctic cold and the next, well you feel like you want to wear a vest like Bruce Willis in Die Hard and go about your day.
I suppose hear is the best place to share this story with you. I was in year seven, so I was like what 12 and I didn’t do my maths homework. You know Manchester United and Barcelona playing out a 3-3 thriller, was much more in need of my attention.
Problem was, it was me needing to get some leaves and I wasn’t able to get any as that was my first class. Everyone gave their homework in, but not me. I made an excuse that I couldn’t get a leaf, wasn’t possible. Will never forgot the last part, was summoned to detention and was given a roasting and 12-year old me against an older man (head of department) brought me to near tears as he was bemused with my half attempted excuse.
As you read this, you might start to build a dislike for this season of the year, but let’s not forget it brought The Bearded Captain into the world, so it’s not all bad. Autumn, is a protector of winter, let’s embrace it, because once winter comes you will miss this period.
The Bearded Captain 