How bread SHOULD be toasted

Hello, good afternoon my Bearded Stallion/s , it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, Flag Bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Bearded brethren, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! Brothers, we need to talk .. about toast. Toast is of course, when bread is warmed and well, toasted. There is one way to toast bread, I here you ask .. no no, let’s have a chat.

Brothers, there is a correct answer to this, just like there is a correct way to make a coffee. Toast, shouldn’t be too well toasted, if they are, they of course burn and go too hard. No one wants to eat slabs, as slabs go on the roof of your house.

There is a certain way, but I have to call out the toaster companies for spoiling people with the number dial on the side. Up or down, you decide they say, but this kind of power leaves the customer not able to make logical life choices.

For the record, the number three setting is too light. Nothing more annoying than putting some bread down into the toaster, here the pop sound and see that they’re still as white as milk! To correct that, the logical way is to many (me included) is to turn up the toaster setting, leave it for 10 seconds too long though and the toast get’s hard.

If you leave it too soft, the question is why have toast, just have bread? (Pschopath). The correct answer is, don’t burn your toast, but they should be done well enough that they’re a lovely golden brown. One does have some wriggle room for burnt toast to light bread ratio, but it’s not much.

Now my last point, and yes I am right, because well I am the Bearded leader. For sandwiches, bread should be toasted, Subway? I rest my case. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.