Hello, good morning my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.
Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards. Bearded Kings, I want to talk about an important issue in the life of The Captain, snow. As the song goes let it snow,let it snow. That’s all fair and well fella, but have you experienced the odd side of snow, the ice and then the black ice part?
Just put it this way, if you have never ice skated before, then walking on black ice, I can imagine is the next best thing. Yours truly has never ice skated before, but I can imagine this is the next best thing.
Ice skaters have special shoes to glide on the ice, but me? Well, just my Slazenger plimsoles these days and on the day of the tale, I am about to tell, I wore Rockport boots. Tell me you’re a 90’s kind without telling me you’re a 90’s kid? Wearing Rockport’s was one of the ways.
Those boots, last longer than electrical appliances and even longer than some relationships and marriages these days. Anyway, I do digress, back to my story. It was a cold winter, where snow was a plenty.
The snow was lovely and picturesque. What was also picturesque was what was about to happen next. So, I was late for school due to the motorway traffic, which was gridlock. Cars were moving at a snail’s pace.
If this was to happen in these days, your Mr T’s of this world would serve ice creams to everyone whilst they’re waiting.
Despite how long the traffic was, it felt like a Paul Pogba penalty was longer, yeah that’s right a football joke. So, we, referring to me and my brother got to the point where dad drops us off at. I opened the door, and we went about a short and for me soon-to-be ‘fateful’ journey.
It was fateful in the sense of, for me, it lead to a lot of ridicule from classmates thereafter. So, having been late for school, I am power walking. I did my best Michael Jackson impression, as it felt like I was moonwalking all over the place, but in fact, I was merely nearly slipping on the floor.
From hehe, to oooooo eeee. Not deterred by that near slip and fall, I proceeded to walk fast, against the advice of my brother, who could see what was coming. Sure enough, I fell and slipped on my back, in only what could be described as something similar to Harry and Marv in Home Alone.
How the passers-by laughed and I was embarrassed. I can laugh about it now, some 20-years on.
So, there you have it, kids, Snow is beautiful, ice is bad and black ice is the slippery.
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