coffee

When you know it’s winter (satire)

Hello and good evening my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.

My Bearded Beloved’s I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your beards. Brothers, I want to talk about an important issue. My Soldiers, I spoke about when you know it’s summer in my previous blog post, in this blog post I want to share with you some signs when it’s winter.

Stating the obvious, it’s when your heating in your house in on full blast almost constantly. Yeah, that’s an obvious, but what about when you have to put those three quarter shorts to the bottom of the clothes pile and the-shirts too. The long Johns that weren’t mentioned in the summer, they’re on the tips of everyone’s lips.

With the case of the long Johns, you can say the only John that get’s mentioned in summer is our Pappa John, the pizza place. Are you coffee or a tea lover? Well, you will know it’s winter better than most, because you will crave that warm beverage even more. In the summer and when it’s hot you will not really feel the need to have coffee that many times in the day, if not at all.

Keeping it consumption based, what you feel with teas and coffee in the summer, you will tend to feel the same in winter too. When it’s cold all you want is hot food and when it’s summer you don’t.

I am not sure if this next example is just me, but you will know when winter is here when you wear a t-shirt you will feel a cold sensation not like freezing freezing cold but a cold you will only realise was there when you put your jumper on. In the summer, you will struggle to sleep due to hot and humid weather.

You will toss, turn and wrestle with the duvet, not being able to sleep with it off your body, but not being able to sleep with it on. In the winter? No such worries, initially there will be a period where your feet and part of your body will be like snow block almost, but when you sleep you sleep like a baby.

In the summer, where people are happy glowing and beaming, people are the opposite in winter maybe because it’s freezing and sunsets in the mid afternoon! I remember this with me. I went to work in darkness and came back home … in darkness! That’s enough to break a man.

Do you remember we mentioned about the ice cream man? Well the only ice cream man you get in winter is a male shrieking in a high voice (yeah that’s a dad joke). In the summer and with the weather being hot, you just want to sit in the shower days on end to cool down, in the winter?

Once you shake off the reluctance to go into to the shower due to it being freezing …. you don’t want to get out as you’re under a nice warm shower. I guess nothing changes there then. Last but not least in my opinion, when you know it’s winter time is when you see more men with beards, which is obviously to keep their face warm.

On that note, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

https://www.paypal.me/AyyazMalik86

The tea/coffee dippers

Hello and good morning my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards on digital media. I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re looking after yourselves and I pray you look after your beards! Bearded Soldiers, I want to talk about the issue of the biscuit dipper. This topic, I have found has divided opinion. My Bearded Beloved’s in short, your Captain will say just don’t do it!

To clarify, what it is you shouldn’t be doing it’s the issue of putting biscuits (usually digestives) into your tea or coffee. Whether you should have tea or coffee is a debate in itself, but I digress …. My Bearded Soldiers your beverage is for drinking.

Your tea/coffee isn’t tomato ketchup and your biscuit isn’t a chip (if you know what I mean). The tea dippers will be able to clarify their rationale, but soggy digestives? Really??? As bad as that is, I have heard and seen toast being dipped into a beverage and also naan!

Especially with the last example, you know the end is nigh. Maybe, if you have flu for example you won’t have the taste buds to taste soggy biscuits, but the visual (yuck). There is also the other kind of dippers, the soup dippers.

A true story here, I was told is was soup for dinner. To say I was devastated doesn’t do the moment I made the heartbroken face justice. Soup, tomato soup is ok … but on it’s own! Soggy bread even with tomato sauce on it… just why !?

My brothers, I pray none of you fall foul of this woeful act. (This blog like with all my other posts are silly tongue and cheek). It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

https://www.paypal.me/AyyazMalik86