The in between period

Hello, good afternoon my Bearded Heroes, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

My Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! Bearded Soldiers, we are in that period of the year, the in between period. It’s too cold for summer and too hot for winter (but is there such a thing these days?)

Shining Bearded Knights, this period is very confusing for me, and I am sure it will be for you too. This morning I wore my joggers and hoody (which is kind of thick) and now as I type this you would think I have mistaken outside for Mallorca.

Yes, I look like a post man but who’s going to work in dress down. I am wearing a short sleeve shirt and three quarter shorts. I argue that a certain Spanish Australian Open Champion by name of Mr Rafael Nadal has gone a long way in making them trendy.

I kid you not, my family members tease me how many times I change my clothes, but it’s so unpredictable. My Bearded Warriors, is there a solution to this? No there isn’t all I can say is that February will no doubt race along, it’s only January that stubbornly fights for dear life to be relevant.

I kid you not Brothers, this blog has been a challenge, I have been fighting with the curtains, which helps me protect eyes form the glare. My Brothers, try your best to brave this out, but maybe increase your cardio (running to the takeaway instead of doing an Uber Eats doesn’t count!).

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That’s it from me, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

When time feels like it’s going backwards

Hello and good afternoon my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh, and I ma that Beard who tries to make people smile.

My Bearded Beloved’s I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Soldiers, I have been away for a long time, my apologies. Brothers, one part of Bearded life is that you be aware of your nearest and dearest.

My Bearded Stallions, The Captain has been doing that. So, without too much further a do, I want to talk about today’s address, it’s about when time feels like it’s going backwards or standing still. I will give you several examples.

When a Beard is hungry and is waiting to feed himself, his tummy growls louder than a Lion, correct? Of course that’s correct! A Beard gets hungry and hangry too, stomach pains and anything in your sight looks annoying to its core. I have been there Brothers.

Another example is when I am waiting to have a shower or go the Big Beards room, “man you have been in there for what feels like two hours! What are you doing in there”? In fact, don’t answer that. Having said that Brothers, when it’s your time to use the bathroom, you’re cherishing that time because it’s the time you and your Beard can spend together.

Typically, that time of you with Beard, Beard Strand in hand (see what I did there) is time that feels like it goes too quickly. When you’re waiting to use the bathroom, time goes slow, but when you are the person in ‘possession’ the clock runs faster than Mr Bolt.

I am sure Bearded Kings, you can relate to my examples so far, other examples are when you’re in a traffic jam, in those times it’s like you’re watching life go before you lol. Minutes turn into hours, just like when you get dragged into going to someone’s house you don’t want to go to, you know you will get bored there (Asian’s can relate to that one, and give me a hell yeah!?).

The last example I can think of is when you’re at a job you don’t like. You go to work, soon as you get in you’re looking at the time, looking for when break time is. My Bearded Knights in Shining Armour, your challenge is surely to be in a job, that isn’t a job but rather a career. A job where you don’t do that..

There are several examples I have given there, so what do you think? Drop your thoughts in the comments please. Bearded Studs, The Captain wants to say thank you for subscribing to my blog. My Bearded Soldiers (subscribers) are 100+ strong, thank you!

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain. To show my true thanks, bothers; you can keep track of your time through Vodrich, stockists of beautiful watches for men and women.

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The horror of putting on weight, once you lost it

Hello and good afternoon, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards, on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! Bearded Stud’s, we need to talk about an important issue in the life of Beards, and that is the issue of gaining weight, once you lost it.

My Beloved’s nothing comes much better than losing weight, you have been so hard trying to lose, (although, having a lovely Beard, someone loving my blogs/videos and sharing my love of Chicken Burgers is awesome too).

Back to the issue at hand. Sorry I do digress .. Brothers, that feeling, of when you get rid of what was plus size clothes, the feeling of being able to walk one mile, or half a mile without seriously pouting for breath, it’s special.

So Bearded Heroes, when you have that joy, be careful not to take things for granted, because if you do put that weight back on you lost, then I must advise you this is one of the most difficult things to over come in life.

Yes, the accidental shaving of Beard, or over trimming of Beard is traumatic, thankfully that has bow become a distant memory, but it still brings back nightmares if I think about it. Just like in the life of Beard you have discipline, for looking after your Beard combing it, giving it the vitamins it needs when you apply Beard Balm, you need to that very same thing to your Beard too!

Brothers, your Captain is here for you, you know that. Your Captain, has lost weight, put it back on and lost it again and boy is it hard! But my Beloved’s Mother Malik has told me, she will give me a Stone Cold Stunner, if I slip again … Gulp!

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

How to eat a takeaway, a guide by The Captain

Hello and good evening, it’s me The Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Bearded Stallions, I want to talk about an important issue in the life of Beards, an issue I really should have mentioned sooner. My Shining Bearded Knights, it’s the issue of how to eat a takeaway.

You will be forgiven for thinking, that I might think you’re five years old. Brothers, no this isn’t the case … your big boys now! You have facial hair, which got you into long term relationships or even marriage. Your responsible men, who teach their children how to eat, but are masters of the art themselves.

I have a theory on this, please hear me out. My Soldiers, when you go out for a takeaway, whether that be a burger, naan kebab or pizza etc, do you put sauce on it? If you do, brothers, this is a potential problem.

This argument of whether or whether not to put sauce on your takeaway , rages on in my household, and will provoke thoughts in your mind too, but Dear Brothers, think of your Beard! Your Beard is at the forefront of your life, of course thanking the one who gave you this gift is higher than that, but you already know this.

Not sure if we have mentioned this in the past, but coke is a nightmare for a Beard and so is Milk. With that in mind, so is sauce, which ever kind. So Bearded Warrior, I would advise, if you’re going to have a burger, or a naan kebab for example, if it’s nicely made, that will be filled with flavour!

But on the flipside, a burger without mayo, or even spicy curry sauce, is that even a burger, one may ask? It’s not the same! So, I think you can take away from this, with naan kebabs don’t put sauce on, but with a chicken burger (spicy burger with mayo sauce), although not ideal is the best way to have a burger.

This is bordering on Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut Beard territory, I know but you need to be careful brothers you’re welcome. Just in case anyone even dares to suggest, no pizza isn’t to be eaten with knife fork, nor is a burger to be cut in half and eaten half and half!

Lastly, brothers although this isn’t takeaway food, be careful of biscuits Pringles and the way you eat them, it leaves crumbs in your Beard, but you can say that about all crisps and biscuits I guess. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

The way out of grogginess

Hello and good afternoon, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital, and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

My brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Soldiers, we need to talk, it’ about the issue of grogginess, which is an issue. My Beloved’s, in Beard life you might think, that I expect you to work at 100% at 110% of the time.

For that, I want to apologise. My Bearded Stallions, in my self appointed role, a role I have made my own for over five years, mistakes regrettably will happen (yes I am human and yes the Beard is magnificent, but thanks to the one who gave me the Beard).

There are days, where you won’t feel ‘in the mood’, firing on all cylinders, I get that, it happens to even me. Brothers, if you’re like me, then you have a daily schedule, you try your best to stick to it. Gym in the morning, shower, give your Beard some TLB, then breakfast.

Good food gives you good energy, and good energy gives you a good day. Make sure you comb your Beard, give it its vitamins, like you would your bones and joints for example. You need good joints for taking you to old age, same goes with your Beard too. Good vitamins in your Beard, gives your face an unbelievable lift, more than you can imagine.

I know I need to heed my own advice, but drink plenty of water, (I am up to 4 litres), check the guidance but try to maintain that, that’s for those of you who are 5ft 10 and in the region of 250lbs.

Bearded Stallions, try your best to have more veg and clean meats. Chicken burgers are good but in moderation (that’s coming from me, I know!). Last but not least, Brothers days of grogginess happen, don’t go hard on your self when they do! Try your best to do what you can, and start again the next day. New dawn, new day.

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

The awkward period

Hello and good afternoon my Bearded Soldiers! It’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital media, I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Bearded Aficionado’s I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards. Brothers, we need to talk, we need to talk about Christmas, and the aftermath of it. Brothers, I want to talk about the period we are in, the ‘no mans land’.

It’s not Christmas, as that was four days ago, and it’s not new years as that’s in three days. I know brothers, this can come off as a dull and boring time …. I sympathise. Your favourite bakery is shut (my favourite) until 4th January (yes it’s unforgiveable).

This period brothers, for those of you who celebrate, you will spend time with the family no doubt and have lots of food. Again I will put my services out there .. If you need terrible jokes telling like the ones you get in Christmas crackers, I am your man!

Famously my manager, after a few of the jokes I told her, said she would prefer cracker jokes to mine, I know her loss. Like I always say, if you don’t laugh at them, it’s your problem not mine. During this period, the TV is the same, and maybe predictable.

Home alone has made it’s annual appearance no doubt, O Police Academy and Die Hard must be surely on during this period too. Depending on your job, your office won’t be open during this time and in Covid times, a lot of time is on one’s hands.

I am not saying your holding a watch there, for the smarty pants amongst you. Brothers, stick in there, good ways to keep yourself preoccupied during this is do exercise, learn a new skill or three! But most importantly of all, read my blog and watch my videos, thank you brothers.

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

A Beard shouldn’t be unemployed

Hello and good evening here in this video I talk about the virtues of hard work!

Hello and good evening my Bearded Heroes, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

My brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My soldiers, I need to talk about an important issue in the life of a Beard, the issue of employment. Bearded Stallions, us Beards we’re all for hard work, we work our asses off, to make sure our face trophies, well look look like a trophy.

You will be surprised brothers, despite doing all this, these Beards are too lazy to work! An honest days work or laze around, they would take the latter rather than the former. These very Beards say that their God’s gift, well his Excellency did gift them with one of the best blessings, but even though his Majesty did gift them with Beards, don’t forget hard work wows the women too.

As the clean shaven Robert Mugabe once said, the lady wants six cars and not a six pack, so keep working hard my brother. Never a truer word spoken. Beards don’t sponge off the state, Beards work for an honest days living.

There are some Beards who are ill like bed ridden ill, that’s of course an exemption. Brothers you have Beards, you could be Father Christmas for the Christmas season, ho ho … no!

This is for the small minority and now they know too, this isn’t on at all! It’s over and out from The Captain.

Top tip, don’t cheat on your Barber

Hello and good afternoon, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards and digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Bearded Heroes, I want to talk about something in the world of The Bearded Captain. My Shining Bearded Knights, I want to talk about your Bearded Barber.

My Bearded Soldiers, the confidence you get from your Beard and the Je ne sais quoi feeling you get, this is down in part to your Barber. Master Craftsmen and perfectionist, your Barber is an unsung hero.

When your Beard Barber gets to work and weaves their magic on your man fur, it’s their personality and artistry their expressing on your man fur. So Brothers as sincere advice, once you find a Barber, please stick to him.

My Bearded Stallions, your Beard is your Sacred Temple and shouldn’t be touched by anyone, be modest about your Bearded Chastity. From experience, I am ashamed to say it, I can tell you, getting your Beard done from another Bearded Barber, it’s a Bearded Affair.

Eleven times out of ten, it’s not worth it. They don’t wax your cheeks properly, they don’t quite do the shape up, the way your regular dude does it. For convenience, or for price that makes you try someone knew, and what happened? You’re wiping the tears from your face and Beard aren’t you!?

Brothers, it’s not a good look. You stick by your Beard through thick and thin, the person who helped your Beard and in turn your face look that good, deserves the same kind of loyalty. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

The shaving loophole

Hello and good evening, here I Ayyaz Malik aka The Bearded Captain talk about shaving loopholes

Hello and good evening my Handsome Bearded Devils, it’s me your Bearded Captain leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media, I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Soldiers I want to talk about an important issue in the life of Beards, this is the shaving loophole. My Bearded Stallions, this has caused debate amongst other Beards, but moustache … whip it off give it a shave.

Nothing worse, in my opinion then a moustache that goes over your lip. Please don’t do a Yosemite Sam, (someone who had their tash over their lip). When your drinking, your mush is drinking with you and when you’re eating, heaven forbid, but there are times you end up eating your Moustache.

Brothers, I have done this with my Beard and it’s disgusting. The other parts of man that needs shaving is, your err herm *cue the Manscaped plug*. I am not gonna say any catchy slogans like trim the grass to make the yard look bigger. Trim the yard, because it’s disgusting not too, a Beard promotes cleanliness, so yes that means underarm too.

When you put deodorant, aftershave or perfume on, if you apply it under arm you will feel the stinging sensation. I say that’s a good thing, it’s the fresh skin feeling. The last example of where you can apply the shaving loophole …. is of course the head!

There will never be a reason to shave your face, just no! I must admit, shaving the head and feeling the fresh cut head and when it hits the cold pillow at night, that’s one of the best feelings in the world.

On that note, thank you for reading, I have been and will always be The Bearded Captain, good night!

There’s no place like home

Hello and good evening, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I want to talk about an issue important in the life of The Bearded Captain, and this is the topic of no place like home. Most dearest brothers of mine, with the news that Boris the clean shaven errrm errrm Johnson is announcing the news that working from home is to be reintroduced, I want to remind you of some of the benefits.

For my UK readers (North West England to be precise), you will all too aware that currently the weather is not great at all. Rain, a slight drizzle followed by more rain, the rain where it feels like it can swell up an empty reservoir, the question is would you really want to go out in it?

At time of writing, I have just come back from picking up my nephew, who is my heart and soul. But even in this weather, I was dreading picking him up. That was a one of journey, but work is every day. Look at it this way, you get to control the room temperature and don’t have to rely on an air con that never worked, yes Yodel Salford call centre, that’s a reference to you.

As mentioned in previous blog posts, every cloud has silver lining and all that, well there’s lots of clouds with grey linings if you know what I mean, but I am referencing one of the most famous saying to say look on the bright side of life.

You can control what’s in the ‘canteen’ (the kitchen) and you don’t have to worry about the food being over price or processed and under cooked. There’s no place like home, it’s where your bills are sent and it’s where your life is built.

As I type this, rain is beating very hard and the winds are trying to go faster than a Shoaib Akhtar fast ball. It’s ok for me, I am here typing this, it’s the people outside I feel sorry for.