A Beard shouldn’t be unemployed

Hello and good evening here in this video I talk about the virtues of hard work!

Hello and good evening my Bearded Heroes, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

My brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My soldiers, I need to talk about an important issue in the life of a Beard, the issue of employment. Bearded Stallions, us Beards we’re all for hard work, we work our asses off, to make sure our face trophies, well look look like a trophy.

You will be surprised brothers, despite doing all this, these Beards are too lazy to work! An honest days work or laze around, they would take the latter rather than the former. These very Beards say that their God’s gift, well his Excellency did gift them with one of the best blessings, but even though his Majesty did gift them with Beards, don’t forget hard work wows the women too.

As the clean shaven Robert Mugabe once said, the lady wants six cars and not a six pack, so keep working hard my brother. Never a truer word spoken. Beards don’t sponge off the state, Beards work for an honest days living.

There are some Beards who are ill like bed ridden ill, that’s of course an exemption. Brothers you have Beards, you could be Father Christmas for the Christmas season, ho ho … no!

This is for the small minority and now they know too, this isn’t on at all! It’s over and out from The Captain.

Top tip, don’t cheat on your Barber

Hello and good afternoon, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards and digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Bearded Heroes, I want to talk about something in the world of The Bearded Captain. My Shining Bearded Knights, I want to talk about your Bearded Barber.

My Bearded Soldiers, the confidence you get from your Beard and the Je ne sais quoi feeling you get, this is down in part to your Barber. Master Craftsmen and perfectionist, your Barber is an unsung hero.

When your Beard Barber gets to work and weaves their magic on your man fur, it’s their personality and artistry their expressing on your man fur. So Brothers as sincere advice, once you find a Barber, please stick to him.

My Bearded Stallions, your Beard is your Sacred Temple and shouldn’t be touched by anyone, be modest about your Bearded Chastity. From experience, I am ashamed to say it, I can tell you, getting your Beard done from another Bearded Barber, it’s a Bearded Affair.

Eleven times out of ten, it’s not worth it. They don’t wax your cheeks properly, they don’t quite do the shape up, the way your regular dude does it. For convenience, or for price that makes you try someone knew, and what happened? You’re wiping the tears from your face and Beard aren’t you!?

Brothers, it’s not a good look. You stick by your Beard through thick and thin, the person who helped your Beard and in turn your face look that good, deserves the same kind of loyalty. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

The shaving loophole

Hello and good evening, here I Ayyaz Malik aka The Bearded Captain talk about shaving loopholes

Hello and good evening my Handsome Bearded Devils, it’s me your Bearded Captain leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media, I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Soldiers I want to talk about an important issue in the life of Beards, this is the shaving loophole. My Bearded Stallions, this has caused debate amongst other Beards, but moustache … whip it off give it a shave.

Nothing worse, in my opinion then a moustache that goes over your lip. Please don’t do a Yosemite Sam, (someone who had their tash over their lip). When your drinking, your mush is drinking with you and when you’re eating, heaven forbid, but there are times you end up eating your Moustache.

Brothers, I have done this with my Beard and it’s disgusting. The other parts of man that needs shaving is, your err herm *cue the Manscaped plug*. I am not gonna say any catchy slogans like trim the grass to make the yard look bigger. Trim the yard, because it’s disgusting not too, a Beard promotes cleanliness, so yes that means underarm too.

When you put deodorant, aftershave or perfume on, if you apply it under arm you will feel the stinging sensation. I say that’s a good thing, it’s the fresh skin feeling. The last example of where you can apply the shaving loophole …. is of course the head!

There will never be a reason to shave your face, just no! I must admit, shaving the head and feeling the fresh cut head and when it hits the cold pillow at night, that’s one of the best feelings in the world.

On that note, thank you for reading, I have been and will always be The Bearded Captain, good night!

There’s no place like home

Hello and good evening, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I want to talk about an issue important in the life of The Bearded Captain, and this is the topic of no place like home. Most dearest brothers of mine, with the news that Boris the clean shaven errrm errrm Johnson is announcing the news that working from home is to be reintroduced, I want to remind you of some of the benefits.

For my UK readers (North West England to be precise), you will all too aware that currently the weather is not great at all. Rain, a slight drizzle followed by more rain, the rain where it feels like it can swell up an empty reservoir, the question is would you really want to go out in it?

At time of writing, I have just come back from picking up my nephew, who is my heart and soul. But even in this weather, I was dreading picking him up. That was a one of journey, but work is every day. Look at it this way, you get to control the room temperature and don’t have to rely on an air con that never worked, yes Yodel Salford call centre, that’s a reference to you.

As mentioned in previous blog posts, every cloud has silver lining and all that, well there’s lots of clouds with grey linings if you know what I mean, but I am referencing one of the most famous saying to say look on the bright side of life.

You can control what’s in the ‘canteen’ (the kitchen) and you don’t have to worry about the food being over price or processed and under cooked. There’s no place like home, it’s where your bills are sent and it’s where your life is built.

As I type this, rain is beating very hard and the winds are trying to go faster than a Shoaib Akhtar fast ball. It’s ok for me, I am here typing this, it’s the people outside I feel sorry for.

So you have Beard dandruff? Let’s talk!

Hello and good afternoon my Bearded Stallions, it’s me your Bearded Captain leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

My brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Soldiers, we need to talk about an issue that I find important in Beard Life, it’s the issue of Beard dandruff. Yes, it’s a thing and once upon a time, I know about this all too well.

I am sure this is the bit where the clean shaven will say, well if you didn’t grow a Beard you won’t have to worry about these things. Well, if you guys actually embraced your inner man and stop being feminine, you won’t have to wear a snood in the winter and get anxious when the slightest bit of cold touches your face when the temperature drops lower then 10 degrees.

The cure isn’t simply use Vidal Sassoon or Head and Shoulders Anti-Dandruff shampoo, but use Beard Shampoo, that does help, also make sure you keep your Beard nourished. Remember Beardosynthesis?

Again, for the people in the back. Beard, water and exposure to light helps Beard grow and stay healthy! Wish they taught this at school, but it feels like even in schools, there’s this subliminal prejudice/agenda made against Beards.

My brothers, I hope this advice was of benefit to you, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

How old is better?

Hello and good morning my Bearded Heroes, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Shining Bearded Knights, we need to talk about an issue I think needs bringing up. The common narrative these days, is that tech is vital in functioning in day to day life.

Once upon a time, we would go to see people in their houses, now we have phones and video phones to do that with. Now, I know we were in lockdown and I do encourage you to adhere to lockdown, but even before that we would do this.

That’s a shame that technology has changed that, but there are many benefits to tech and the positive affect it’s had in the world. In this blog post brothers, I want to talk about other aspects of the past that were better than that of today.

As you beautiful souls will be all too aware, my issue of old being better is foot related. Yes, I am talking about Freddo for 10p and when Quality Street was a decent size! Tangy Toms, can’t be found in shops near where I live (the cheek) and Galaxy Senses have gone too!

Tissues at the ready, this is painful. Walkers BBQ Rib has also gone into the sunset and into the food/confectionary abyss. Being a Manchester man, a man from the South of the city, I was gutted to learn that Paan House is now closed and has been replaced by Deens Fried Chicken.

Deens has come and stepped in admirably (more in a future blog), but for nostalgia that part of Manchester will never be the same. In fact that part has changed as there is now a Chaiwala on that block.

I am sure there are other chocolates, drink, crisps and other foods, where back in the day I argue they were better than what is on offer today. But do you agree? Do your think please. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

What rice and chips have in common

Hello and good afternoon, here I Ayyaz Malik aka the Bearded Captain talk about the similarities between chips and rice

Long and short hair discussed

Hello and good afternoon, here I Ayyaz Malik aka The Bearded Captain talk about pros and cons of long and short hair.

Hello and good afternoon, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

My Bearded Stallions, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! Bearded Soldiers, I want to talk about an important issue in the life of The Captain and that is the issue if should a man have long hair, or short hair.

Brothers, this topic is very subjective. For me, I am a fan of short hair … Unfortunately this is due to necessity these days, as no I don’t plan to don a Mr Burns (from The Simpsons) like frill. I can talk up the benefits of it, such as you don’t have to worry about a bad hair day or using products to keep your hair smart.

Other benefits, I argue is that you won’t have to worry about when the barber can fit you in for an appointment, for Eid for example, forget it! During Eid period, you would be better camping out at the barbershop, the same way some do for when The Lord Of The Rings film or latest iPhone.

But with other things in life there is two sides to the argument. With a good beard, nothing beats nicely groomed man and a good hair cut. Long hair, or shorter hair again depending how you hold yourself is good.

When one things long hair, Jason Mamoa or Joseph Annoai (Roman Reigns from WWE) come into mind. That American Samoan connection, I get that a lot of the ladies have a real soft spot for that kind of thing.

Brothers, I want to know your thoughts. We have spoke about wearing confidence in the past. Long hair/short hair makes sure you have good facial hair. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

Side Burns

Hello and good morning, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media, I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

My Bearded Heroes, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Bearded Kings, lets have a chat. Brothers of mine, you’re one of the most dearest things to me. Family, chicken burgers and yourselves (maybe in that order), but brothers know without you guys, there’s no Bearded leader as I would have no one to lead.

I want to talk about an important issue in the life of Beards and that’s the issue of side burns. I have had a look at previous Bearded Addresses and I can’t find me speaking about side burns, which I find astounding.

My Shining Bearded Knights, side burns are like moustaches and even goatees, they’re defrauding the facial hair establishment. Facial hair is a Beard, yes even short Beard, but don’t get carried away.

It covers some of the cheeks Captain? I hear you question, nay a Beard covers cheeks, a side burn covers a jaw bone, Brothers don’t allow them to trick you. Elvis had side burns, not a Beard! Yes most of the hair would cover the side part of the jaw, but not full jaw and cheek.

My Bearded Soldiers, people think being a celebrity is the dream. Have you noticed, your David Beckham’s of this world sport a Beard? He is the first one that comes to mind when I think celebrity and even he needs a Beard to seal the deal.

He’s not famous because of DB7, it’s due to his Beard! Scoring goals for Manchester United, Real Madrid,AC Milan and PSG are career highlights? Do me a favour! Beckham’s career has gone, people will (the younger ones) be like who is this Beckham fella? Never heard of him.

He still has a Beard now, showing the appeal they have. You want to be relevant? You keep a Beard, as Becks has shown. Side Burns, isn’t a Beard. A Beard, starts from the top of the ear, covers a significant part of the cheek and joins the part of your face where non Beards grow their Goatee.

Think that explains it right? It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

Hello and good morning, here I talk about side burns and how they’re NOT facial hair

Fireworks, talked about by The Bearded Captain

Hello and good morning, it’s me Ayyaz Malik aka The Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards and flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Bearded Muskateers, I want to talk about an important issue in the life of The Bearded Captain, that’s fire works. The reason why fireworks is now a topic of discussion, is due to the recently concluded bonfire night or Guy Fawkes night.

Fawkes, who is Bearded (according to Google images), should be seen as a hero, but we don’t seem as a hero, but we don’t see it this way. Guy Fawkes, was of course foiled in his plot of trying to destroy Parliament.

That is ironic, because Fawkes is a terrorist. A terrorist is celebrated each year. But like with other festivals, the marketing appeal outweighs everything else. Fireworks, will be now available right up until 1st January.

If you had nightmare sleeping on 5/11, then 1/1 isn’t going to be any better. If you think they’re bad, then Independence Day in UAE, that’s a different animal altogether. Might be sounding like scrooge, but it doesn’t get much better from here, if you hate fireworks going off late at night.

If you do it in a park, in a safe environment, fine some of them look fantastic, they’re good to look at, but sorry to be the bearer of annoying news. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.