Beard

The end is nigh brothers!

Hello and good evening, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards on digital media.I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile. My brothers, I hope you’re well, looking after yourselves and more importantly your beard!

My brothers I want to talk about an important issue in the life of beard. As you are all aware, we are in a lockdown and in a lockdown, not only have the gyms, restaurants, bars and football stadiums to the fans have been closed, but the closing down of barbers has hit us beards hard!

I never think this would be the case, but a lot of us beards have grown the equivalent of afros, but it has been. This lockdown like the other lock down has been a challenge for all beards. Some beards have been better at it than other beards, the grooming of their bead. 

Brothers, I know some of you (me included) are working from home and the perceived need to maintain your beard is seen as not necessary. My Bearded beloved’s it is necessary as the beard is your pride and enjoy. These times of lockdown have been tough, but the end is nigh .. no more botched snipping of the beard (like a certain someone did, mentioning no names). 

Well brothers, the end is nigh! On April 12th, the barbershops will be reopening in the U.K. Form an orderly queue as The Bearded Captain exercises his right for being at the front of the line as I am The Bearded Leader. 

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

https://www.paypal.me/AyyazMalik86

The toughest job interview (satire)

Hello and greetings, my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, here I talk about an issue in the world of beards. Here, brothers, I talk about the toughest job interview known to man.

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

https://www.paypal.me/AyyazMalik86

The second Album

Hello and Greetings My Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain. Leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards on digital media.

I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people laugh.

My brothers, I pray you’re looking after yourselves and your beard! My beloved’s I want to talk about an important issue, the issue of what I called the Second Album.

The second album phrase is one which is commonly used. Some use the phrase for football teams in their second season after getting promoted to the Premier League or the music second album.

I want to use this analogy though for trying a takeaway for the second time, after liking it for the first time when you try it.

To be more specific with my example it’s the example of New York Crispy, a chicken Takeaway shop on Wilmslow road.

On my previous blog, which can be found here https://ayyazmalik.com/2021/01/16/the-theory-proved-wrong/, I declared my love for New York Crispy after trying them for the first time.

I am delighted to say, New York Crispy was just as good as the first time. The red salt chip goodness and the chicken burger oozing in curry sauce to perfection was just looooovely.

Warm soft burger, a lovely textured chicken that was not too crunchy and the curry sauce that didn’t get on my top.

This couldn’t have been said last time! So there you have it brothers. It’s over and out from your Bearded Captain.

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

https://www.paypal.me/AyyazMalik86

When you know you’re in an Asian’s house (Satire)

Hello and greetings, here is a satirical look on how you know you’re in an Asian house. I hope you enjoy!

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

https://www.paypal.me/AyyazMalik86

T-shirts now available ❤️

Hello and greetings my Bearded Soldiers, in this video, I give you more info on how you can get your hands on some Bearded Products.

It’s over and out from your Bearded Captain!

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

https://www.paypal.me/AyyazMalik86

The perfume guide by The Bearded Captain

Hello and greetings my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards on digital media. I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.

My brothers, I pray you’re well and looking after yourselves and your beards! My beloved’s I want to talk about an important issue, and that is the issue of men’s perfume/mens fragrance. To almost carry on from the last blog post about how to wear confidence, which can be found here;

https://ayyazmalik.com/2021/01/23/how-you-can-wear-confidence/

Bearded Soldiers, I can’t state enough the need to have a good fragrance. Now, I am not going to say you should wear one, with this kind of scent, or that kind of scent, but what I will say is, brothers your fragrance is part your identity own it!

What I want to do in this post is share with you three must have fragrances!

Davidoff Run Wild

In this blog post my beloved’s I want give you some humble suggestions from my own opinion in terms of what are a good fragrances. Davidoff Run Wild, has been a personal favourite of mine for some time. Arguably, it might not be as new as other fragrances on the market, but it’s an unmistakably a masculine smell.

Not too strong and not too sweet, Davidoff Run Wild has a pleasant Citrus smell to the nose. As this is Eau De Toilette (nope not errr de toilet) the fragrance just like with other Eau De Toilette fragrances won’t last as long as the Eau De Parfum.

Having said that, it’s still a nice fresh scent (it will get you compliments, I have had plenty) and will bring out the inner confidence in you. You can get this on the internet for approximately £35 for 100ml (3.3 fl oz)

Victor NO9

Next on my list is a bit left-field, it’s Milton Lloyds’ Victor NO9. This is available in a 50ml bottle and an 83 ml bottle. It appear to the naked eye, like it’s a deodorant but the smell and durability of the scent, isn’t that of a conventional deodorant.

This was gifted to me by my good friend. As much as I appreciated the gesture, what I didn’t expect was that this fragrance would be as wonderful as it is.

Best gift, I could have been given!

Sweet, but not too sweet, Victor NO9 has an undeniable masculine underlining smell. The only bad thing about this, is the biggest that it comes in (from what I have seen is 83 ml). What I advise with this fragrance is you can get a twin pack for £11.99 (you’re most welcome to message me for more info).

Hugo Boss Infinite

In my list bothers, these are fragrances that I have bought. The third and final fragrance on my must have fragrance list is Hugo Boss infinite. Bottled in the signature Hugo Boss bottle, the infinite is a worthy member of this list.

I, do favour a more darker smell, but the Infinite smells are blended to perfection. Just like Run Wild, I would recommend the 100ml bottle. There are some fragrances that are too heavy and strong and if you don’t apply them correctly can be over powering.

Christian Dior’s Sauvage comes into mind here. A wonderful fragrance it is, but you can smell someone from the other side of the road, when they decide to what I call swim in it.

Brothers Infinite isn’t one of those smells, it’s a nice fresh smell . In my humble opinion, the key to a good smell is you can smell, that you smell good. Yeah, it’s nice for someone to able to smell a nice smell from you. It’s better than smelling like a skunk!

With these fragrances, these are all fragrances which I have tried, there a few honourable mentions So this is my list brothers, do you agree with this list, or is there any more that I can try ?

Let me know in the comments, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

https://www.paypal.me/AyyazMalik86

Thank me later

Hello, and greetings my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain. Leader of all beards and flag bearer of beards on digital media.

I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.

My brothers, I pray you’re well and looking after your beards and in the process of growing them too!

Brothers, I want to talk about an important issue, it’s the issue of some hidden gems that you might not have been aware of.

Have you ever thought what the top pocket of your shirt is for? It’s for putting your beard comb in you’re welcome.

Traditionally you would wear jeans/trousers and you would have pockets in those, but think about it. Top pocket is more practical right?

Brothers, you can’t put it in your jeans/trouser pockets. That’s for your phone and wallet and the smaller section for change change (or so they tell me).

For the bald headed people amongst you when you shave your head, you most likely use shave foam right? Well when you next time do apply at on your beard too.

No, it’s not what it sounds like, but when I do this, I have realised it adds a nice surprising shine to my beard.

Just like what Vaseline does. You have to try it to love it as they say.

Brothers, red salted chips are a game changer, especially with a chicken burger. Oo and that chicken burger of yours, surely needs to be spicy, once you go spicy the others aren’t nicey.

I did actually just type that, maybe this lock down is getting to me. Thankfully I have enough sanity to keep my beard and cherish it. All is not lost!

There are many more examples of some hidden knowledge gems out there no doubt. But I will just share the few here. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

Stay blessed, stay beard!

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

https://www.paypal.me/AyyazMalik86

How you can wear confidence

Hello and greetings my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards on digital media. I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.

My brothers, I hope you’re looking after yourselves and I hope you’re looking after your beards! Bearded Beloved’s I want to talk about an important issue. The thing I want to talk about is confidence, in other words to feel good and act … well confident.

Brothers, there are many ways this can be achieved, in this blog I want to discuss them. Goes without saying, one of the ways to feel confident is to make your face handsome and beastly, so grow a beard. Don’t take my word, when I say this, it’s been proven in studies too, that it’s better to grow a beard.

So if science proves it, it’s information not to be snuffed at. Just in case you’re asking and wondering, the Dr who carried out the study for this wasn’t Dr Pepper, he specialises more in the study of sugar intake into the body.

Confidence is also a trick of the mind in my humble opinion. For example when you get a fresh haircut, you feel better about yourself, you’re groomed for a start. This is something, I would encourage to get your haircut every so often, pampering yourself is a great feeling for outside and inside too.

Make sure you take time and effort in your general appearance too. That means dress well and even smell well too. I will be doing a blog on fragrances separate, so keep an eye out for that. A good fragrance and a really good one, it makes a massive difference.

Just a few squirts of your favourite aftershave, can work wonders, you will need to try it to believe it. Brothers, the need to eat well and avoid binge eating on junk too, it’s not good. In moderation is acceptable, but even that’s up to a point.

This brings me on to my final point, which is exercise. Brothers, exercise is powerful as it increases endorphins (happy hormones I call them) . To bring it back to my point brothers, you feel good , you look good, they go hand in hand.

There’s my examples of stuff to do, to help with confidence. Have I missed any? Let me know in the comments brothers, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

The best comb explained

Hello, and greetings, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag-bearer of all beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.

My brothers, I hope you’re well and looking after your beards. I want to talk about a very important issue in the world of beards, so here it is.Wooden, plastic or even a brush? This question divides opinion but here I want to offer my opinion and share it from one beard to another.

I am referring to beard combs, a metal comb, a wooden or plastic. Being a beard of 10 years, I initially (*drops his head down in shame *) was poor at maintaining at my beard.

It took an “Ayyaz your beard looks scruffy” for me to take action. How I took action was to wash my beard, the same way I washed my face.

In earlier naivety of beard life, I would put soap in my beard. Hindsight is a beautiful thing, and I was oblivious to the potential damage that it was causing my beard.

The mindset was to make my beard ‘clean’, and I thought this was the way to achieve this, my beard might have been clean, but it lacked the tidiness. I would what I call hand comb my beard, which worked to a point.

When there would be blustery wind, all the hard work of me trying to tidy my beard (with my hand water) would go down the drain, there had to be another way … the beard comb. I started off with the plastic beard comb and all the whole it was a good experience for my beard. Whenever my beard got tangled, which it really did in the early days, the plastic was a real godsend.

My beard was in such a tangle, it would take me literally a good 10 minutes (and a lot of wincing when I pulled on the beard hair) to untangle.A plastic beard comb was rugged, sturdy and reliable, but it lacked the charm and wow factor of the wooden comb.

On the flip side of this, a beard comb was decorative and nice to look at, but there has been combs that I have had where the teeth of the comb have come out, this won’t happen with a plastic comb.For this situation of a tangled beard comb, a fine-toothed comb is needed, you know so it can get into each beard strand.

In conclusion, I want to suggest in my humble opinion is that, in beard maintenance and for getting full benefits of combing your beard, you should use plastic.When you have a tangled beard and wooden, once you have overcome the tangle of beard and the general beard maintenance.

 So that brings us to the last example, the beard brush. The brush has it’s benefits, now with the comb, it’s able to untangle the knotted beard, the brush can help the beard balm be applied better across your face. Another argument for the brush is that it helps get food out from your beard, something a comb might not be able to do as it gets into those hard to reach areas.

That ladies and gentle beards, there’s is my reasons for why you need to use these beard products.To conclude, I humbly suggest to use both, (wooden comb and beard brush) rather than one or the other as both have benefits. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

Asian parents vs non Asian parents (with a hint of sarcasm)

When you think of Parents, you think of a lot of things. If there were no parents, there would be no me, no you. It’s something, that a lot of us will become in our life.

Some of us embrace it, some of us struggle in the role of parent, here though I want to just highlight some of the things that all parents do.

I will qualify that, what all Asian parents do. Now non-Asian parents (some at least) are known by their first name to their children.

Any Asian kid, dare to call their parents by their name …. Let’s just say get the funeral directors on the ready.

In non-Asian households going out to play, for example, might be as simple as ABC and 123, in an Asian household? Nope!

First, you have to ask your mum and hope she’s able to twist the arm of your dad and make him ‘give in’ on this occasion.

This almost reminds of a video game, where you defeat all the bosses, then you got the final boss- the hardest of them all, and that’s an Asian dad.

Some are worried about lockdown? Well in an Asian house it’s a near lockdown every day.

I need to also mention an Asian father is a true depiction of an Alpha Male. You will never, a handful of times if you’re lucky see your old man cry.

If you do indeed see your old man cry, know it’s a collectors item. If you see your dad get up in the middle of the original Lion King, right before Mufasa dies, you know he isn’t putting the kettle on.

An Asian parent is more efficient than Royal Mail’s sorting office, they very kindly go through your post.

They’re HR too, I can recall many occasion where I was ill but ended up going into work to withstand the questions upon questions as to why I am off, and I don’t ‘look ill’.

In a non-Asian household, the narrative tends to be, you’re 16 years old out of the house, you’re old enough to stand on your own two feet.

If an Asian at 35 had that attitude that he/she can stand on their own two feet, then civil war and, although not a nuclear war, violence with the slipper would ensue thereafter.

Asian boy or girl, try to move out of the home, and that might be one of the last things you do on planet earth.

There’s a flip side to this, yes this is a very satirical piece, but should my parents get old, or even frail,  I would honestly love to look after them in their old age, like they did me in my infancy.

I have seen the Dispatchers and Panorama programmes alike, and they show mistreatment of the elderly in nursing homes. Yours truly couldn’t have that on his conscience.

Could never dream of putting my parents in a nursing home.

In front of your Asian parents, if you swear like a trooper, again you will get the slipper or even a backhand more deadly than Rodger Federer’s.

In a non-Asian household, there have been instances where kids and parents only address each other by swearing.

One thing, that both non-Asian parents are in unison is that neither encourages their child to smoke. Both Asian kids and non-Asian kids tend to hide that they smoke from their parents.

Maybe in a non-Asian household, it’s eventually tolerated, but in an Asian household it’s very frowned upon to smoke, but what about drinking I hear you ask? Don’t even go there.

Other differences with non-Asian and Asian household and their attitude of parents is that in a non-Asian household they tend to leave it to the kids themselves to find their own partner for settling down, that means in a long term relationship or marriage.

In an Asian household, if word gets out that the child themselves chose their own partner for settling down with and in this case to marry them, the parents are seen as possible weak and the child a ‘wild child’.

It’s fair to say, I have poked a bit of fun of parents, but deep down it’s something that’s thrust upon you. He/she will never be truly ready for parenthood until you are in the moment.

I am not a parent as of yet, so when I do become one, it will be hilarious in my mind, if I do any of those things that I poked fun at for parents doing.

Deep down, I am personally very blessed for my parents …. Genuinely so.I have had anxiety issues, my parents have been there for me, I suffered heartbreak from my first love.

In both of these instances where I was at an all-time low, my parents were there for me.

Quite simply, I wouldn’t be the beard I am today if it wasn’t for their love, care and support that they have shown me over the years.

That is priceless and makes me think don’t take anything for granted.