Beard

The Sticky beard discussed

Hello and greetings my bearded soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards.

I hope you’re well my bearded beloved’s. My brothers I am sure you remember us speaking about the issue of food getting stuck in the beard.

This is a phrase we would cap as the Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut beard. Well now my brothers I want to use this example of the Crunchy Nut beard, but use a similar concept for when liquids get stuck in your beard. 

With your cereal, you can not forget to mention the fact as the cereal can get stuck in beard and so does the milk! Now the cereal can get out of the beard, but the milk? Well that’s a different tale altogether. 

Other liquids that can be troublesome are of course egg yolk (happens to me all the time in the morning)! The milk has its problems, but the egg yolk? Boy that’s super challenging!

Just like with food getting stuck in the beard, my beards,  a comb is necessary. With liquid?

This is a different kettle of fish. Washing, combing and even product too is needed brothers. liquid gets stuck in your beard it’s a nightmare.

I am going to say as part of my expert plan, this is the reason why I don’t usually put sauce on my burger or donner kebab! But in recent times I have been enticed by spicy burgers. 

The taste is magnificent, but again for the beard maintenance it’s a nightmare. So what’s the cure for liquid getting into the beard?

Well brothers it’s that … make sure you wash your beard throughly after the event, comb your beard too and to top it off apply balm and oil accordingly too. 

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain. Stay blessed, stay beard!

The Curly beard

Hello my Bearded Soldiers, greetings it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards.

My beloved’s good morning, I hope you’re well and in the process of looking after your money maker, your beard!

Brothers remember one thing, I know it’s a bit of a grim one … we all are gonna die one day and everything will leave you.

Your youth, your hair, your teeth but not your beard! (Unless you shave it of course)

So with that in mind, you might get an idea as to why I hold the beard in such high esteem. For today’s issue of bearded discussion, is the issue of the curly beard.

I might not have mentioned this on previous entries, but I have a real love for curly hair.

Some of our Arab beards are able to have their hair curly, but this is in general seen as a given for our African Caribbean brothers to have curly hair.

Now being aware of this knowledge, one might be surprised as to why then am I going cut a frustrated figure in this regard. For a man who is bald, hair would be a dream, but me having curly hair? that’s like Eutopia!

In that land, naturally I would be 6 ft4 with the girl that I have always dreamed of. Well back into the world of reality, I am 5 ft 10 – bald ( but made it stylish) of a decent build and have managed to get the partner in crime too.

One lesson brothers, the girl you dreamed of? Doesn’t exist? Rather it’s about the girl you want to dream with. Alhamdulillah the one who gave me my beard has smiled on me *metaphorically speaking* like he always does

So why is the curly beard such a bad thing then? It’s simple … I am not sure how many of you brothers are familiar with the Cow’s lick?

That brothers is when your hair annoyingly and rebelliously flicks up no matter how much you try to tame it. The solution?

Well that’s easy you have to trim it carefully, p.s if you aren’t a skill bearded craftsmen then don’t try this at home!

If you’re like me, then your beard will naturally curl out. The cure for this is to make sure you look after your beard and keep it well trimmed.

Remember brothers TLB! Tender loving of beard for those of you who don’t know. It’s over and out from your Bearded Captain, stay blessed -stay beard!

The alternate face mask

Hello, and greetings my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag-bearer of all beards on digital media. My brothers, I hope you’re well and looking after yourselves, and your beards!

Brothers, one of the best gifts in life is health, family and free time. As blessed as one is to have some of them, and even more blessed to have them all, another blessing is your beard!

Now my beloved’s you’re only too aware of my opinions on beard life. A beard, makes a man, yes, but the man must also make the beard …. this is also true. My soldiers, what I want to talk about in this message is the issue of masks.

Whether you love them or loathe them, a mask is here to stay for the foreseeable future around the world. Now, my brothers, with the mask it covers your face and protects your mouth does it not?

This is vital, the experts say to protect yourself against the virus. My brothers, a beard is the ultimate mask. A beard masks an ugly face … I am being honest a face that allows nature to dictate it is the purest face and of course a natural one.

A face becomes ugly if you change like the clean-shaven do when they betray their face day after day …. it will take its toll. Brothers did you know, it’s more hygienic to have a beard than not having one? Didn’t think so.

This propaganda of the clean-shaven will never tell you that. In this pandemic, even yours truly was told due to Covid19, I will have to shave my face, but no that’s for the people in the medical profession.

A beard, masks face rash and coldness in the winter! But amongst all that it protects us men from feminine tendencies. We are men, so be men! The beard also mask the beard itch too!

Here is the video of me talking about this on daily motion; https://www.dailymotion.com/TheBeardedCaptain

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain, stay blessed stay beard!

The passing of the torch moment

Hello and good morning my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards, flag bearer of all beards. I pray you’re well and looking after yourselves, but more importantly looking after your beards!

My Bearded brothers, it’s been with great privilege and honour that I can say I am your Bearded Captain, your Bearded Leader. I might not mention it too much, but as much as I lead you beards over social media and all digital media, I am also following a lead too.

That lead I am following is that of The Bearded General, Daddy Malik (aka Daddy Beard). Now, his bearded eminence The Bearded General, The Commander and Chief is a superior above a superior.

Now, it might be hard to believe, brothers that I need to be lead, but there are two figures that are above me in rank. The Bearded Alpha, Mr Ahmed Talib Rashid and of course The Bearded General Daddy Malik.

As much as The Alpha has been a priceless mentor, teacher and someone to help your Captain in his Bearded adolescence, it’s the story of The General of Beards who this story refers to.

Brothers, my dad, of course, is my mentor in life, but he is most certainly in my Bearded life too. He is the one who gives my beard the thorough inspection after I have been to The Bearded Barbers.

“It’s not level” or “It’s not cut properly below the chin and above the Adam’s apple” are just some of the criterion The General looks for when he wants to see his son and now air to The Bearded Throne.

For the loyal readers of my blog (thank you for that), you will know that I make mention of the deceased leader of Cuba Fidel Castro. Now, don’t get me wrong here guys I am not going to make any political statements here, (we don’t do that here, we try to make the people laugh and smile).

My dad would liken me to Fidel, now when he first said this I thought, maybe because I am an excellent leader in his eyes, someone who has an aura about him … nope, it was none of that! It was due to my beard being messy!

The General would never mince his words and would always give me tough Bearded Love, but when my dad came to me for advice it was a passing of the torch moment. It was Bearded advice.

So it went like this;

“Son do you have anything for there bottom of my beard underneath my chin’? At this point was so humbled and I beamed and couldn’t stop smiling. The advice didn’t stop there, my dad even took one of my beard combs too, felt like a very happy beard indeed!

On that happy note, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain. Stay blessed, stay beard!

Here is my very first podcast, hope you like it!; https://anchor.fm/thebeardedcaptain/episodes/The-Bearded-Captain-here-to-introduce-myself-egup2k

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link; http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you

The decorative beard

Hello and good morning my bearded soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag-bearer of all beards. My bearded brothers, I pray you’re well and looking after yourselves and your beard!

My bearded brothers, project Bearded Captain is blossoming quite nicely. 

There is the blogs, which we’re doing here, the vlogs, which can be found here; https://www.smartlightpeople.com//watch/the-story-of-how-i-grew-my-beard_azGpf68oTpmC3SB.html.

As well, as that there is the podcast which is available on the majority of Podcast platforms (which includes Pocket Cast and Spotify amongst others). A massive thanks goes to the one, who gave me my beard.

Now brothers, what I want to talk about today though, is the issue of the “decorative beard”. This is an issue, that won’t get spoken about too much, but it’s still necessary to mention this.

This topic is as literal as it sounds, it’s a beard that’s well decorated. Now, brothers, in my infancy of beard life, I had a lack of knowledge on this issue. Someone, in my work, asked;

“will you put baubles on your beard”. Upon hearing this, I thought to myself, I have never heard such a ridiculous suggestion. To me, it’s like a man wearing a headband, which is fittingly called an “Alice band”, note it’s not an Alistair band (the clue is in the detail).

Upon further investigation, I found out that beard baubles are available as well as beard clips. Brothers, if grown correctly your beard is the decorative piece of your face.

Why some have found the need, to find a product that’s not needed (beard baubles) is beyond me, it really is. The beard baubles, like the masks we were in this day and age, instead of helping the beard blossom, it, in fact, does the exact opposite!

WWE wrestler Seamus is the first person I think of when the topic of decorative beard is mentioned. The beard that he had, is the entry-level of beard.

The sides of his beard cheeks, platted may look cool, it’s far from it. Brothers, this is beard abuse. We take good care to groom and nurture our beards, baubles are to be put on a Christmas tree.

A Christmas tree is of course where the gifts are stored and the face gift is where the beard is stored. Brothers, I was gifted a beard bauble set and I have worn the bearded baubles, it made the clean-shaven laugh and smile.

Everything I said still applies to the bearded baubles, but to make the clean-shaven smile is also your purpose in life, even if they make their own faces unhappy by shaving.

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain, stay blessed stay beard!

Here is my very first podcast, hope you like it!; https://anchor.fm/thebeardedcaptain/episodes/The-Bearded-Captain-here-to-introduce-myself-egup2k

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link; http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you

The gap beard explained

Hello, and greetings my bearded soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain. Brothers, I hope you’re well and looking after your beards. my Bearded Beloved’s I want to talk about an important issue.

That is the issue of The Gap Beard. Brothers, that’s as literal as it sounds. Now, I must admit this topic didn’t come to my consideration until I heard someone mention this issue.

My soldiers, we have talked in length about the need and necessity of growing a beard and how awesome they are and make you look. What makes a beard as show-stopping as it is, is the fact it’s well kept, groomed and “full”.

So that means brothers your beard needs to join to the tash and your cheek hairs need to be full up with no gaps. It’s hard for some of your (namely the white guy and Arabs), but a beard in its true beauty is when it’s full.

To fill gaps in a wall, you use polly filler, if only there was a beard equivalent!

Spare a thought for some Chinese, and other brothers from The Far East. You can’t grow a full beard, so shave it? Errrr no! Brother of mine, I can assure you, you’re very beloved to me and even loved more than the other beards are loved by your bearded leader.

Some of the Asian teenagers have better facial hair than you when they’re 13, but you still persist in beard life. Where you can (the parts that grow) *weeps at that fact*, put cream or beard oil on your beard.

Nothing beats keeping your beard well nourished. Whether you have a full Merlin or Cat Whiskers beard, you will still be better than a clean-shaven. I know a beard with a gap, is arguably the male equivalent of being flat-chested, but a clean-shaven is like a girl putting tissue roll in her t-shirt (if you know what I mean)

We are brothers my beards, we are all equal. The example of someone with a beard gap reminds of to be grateful for what beard we have been given, we should appreciate what we have.

It’s over and out from The Bearded (full beard from the cheeks, with no gaps) Captain.

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link;

http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you

So when do you know you have a big beard? (Satire)

Hello, and greetings my bearded soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards, flag bearer of all beards. My brothers, as always I say I hope you’re well and looking after your beards.

My brothers, I am sure you remember when I was going through the painful ordeal of being reduced to the life of a short bearded man. If you don’t then it’s that you don’t actually read my blog (have shame bearded one … just joking – but read my blog).

Bearded Soldiers, you will remember the painful ordeal I talked about and the misery that I felt, the moment it sunk that I cut it too short. There was a lot to sink in that day, including my beard hair! *whaling* (even though I told a cracking pun if I say so myself).

Thankfully, my Bearded Companions, the Bearded ease has come after the Bearded hardship, my beard is longer again! How do I define a long beard I hear you ask? Don’t worry young Bearded one, your Captain is here.

To define a long beard is simple and if these few examples apply to you then congratulations my Bearded brethren, you’re a long beard! Now, only the select few and the pinnacle of beards grow the Merlin beard (a long beard, very long but immaculate in its maintenance).

So the first sign of when your beard has gone long is when you see it puff out on the sides. With a short beard, you wouldn’t have that problem. Let me guess? You too have also tried to “comb” your beard with your hand or aggressively pat down your facial pride and joy.

If this isn’t one sign, there is of course food now getting stuck in there (what I call the Kellogs Crunchy Nut beard). If you grow it long enough, you could probably keep your secret diary in there.

Another sign is when you feel your beard getting blown from side to side to side the wind, with a short beard your face just gets cold. Brothers, be sure to keep your comb with you and when your beard does get blown around, it’s not the end of the world.

Honourable mentions need to be mentioned for when you wash your face with a long beard and splash the water on your beard, the water stays there, with a short beard the water doesn’t stay it gets absorbed by the skin quicker.

Also, with a long beard, the beard hairs can sometimes come into your mouth without prior warning. Now, I know your beard smells nice, but it’s not edible so it won’t taste nice.

The last obvious sign for me though, however, is when you’re zipping up a coat and a jacket, you run the risk of your beard hair getting stuck in the zip as you do it. Does this happen with a short beard? No!
It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link;

http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you

 

The Beardnet

Hello and good evening my bearded soldiers, I hope you’re well and looking after your beards. Greetings, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader and flag bearer of all beards. Brothers, I want to talk about an important issue this evening, that’s the issue of the Beardnet.

Nope, it’s not a Bearded alternative to a certain broadband provider who have a clean-shaven Jessie fronting their ad campaign (I know crazy and absurd). Brothers this evening’s topic is about the nets that workers in food shops put in their hair.

Here though, I will be mentioning when our Bearded brothers have to put their beards in captivity. The official line is, it’s hygiene and on one hand, they do have a point. When you’re eating your food and you see a stray hair in the food, it’s disgusting, right?

The last thing we want is someone experience that due to beard hair going astray, and they do go astray. When we say go astray, we’re not saying the beard is being rebellious but it kinds of exercising it’s right I guess, of leaving the face when it fees necessary.

There have been times, where hair mysteriously comes in my cereal. It’s not my head hair, I am bald! It can only be my beard hair. The feeling of putting a Beardnet on your beard would no doubt be uncomfortable, but better it’s than better than Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut Hair Flakes.

When playing snooker and you run the cue through your chin, but your chin is a beard, it can get uncomfortable, but also distressing. I say that because, right under your very nose your beard is getting messy, but you feel powerless.

Ok, so to raise the issue of another uncomfortable moment for your beard, I will be mentioning the moment when you put on a Coronavirus mask. The mask, as seen in the cover image (of me), is a mask that looks not too dissimilar to a mask of a surgeon.

At times, when combing your beard or trimming your tash, you need the precision of a surgeon. With those masks, it’s like your essentially practising putting your head down at the swimming pool’s deep end, the level you have to go to, to control your breathing .

On top of that, you have to deal with the fact that one, the mask puts a weird line in your beard and two it takes ages to come out! Coronavirus, it’s hoped is easing. Brothers, I know wearing masks may be uncomfortable but console yourself with this fact, clean-shaven look like what we do in our masks now.

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link;

http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you

The Just Trimmed Feeling

IMG_2845

Hello and greetings brothers, here I am this evening talking about the fresh beard trim

 

Hello, and greetings my bearded soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader and flag bearer of all beards. My bearded brothers, I hope you’re looking after yourselves and looking after your most prized possession your beard.

Now, brothers, you have seen that I am a bald-headed bearded man, so I won’t know the fresh trim in terms of hair cut feeling these days, but I sure do know the fresh beard trim feeling. When I could say many moons ago when I did cut my hair, the fresh hair trim feeling gave you a herculean feeling.

To make this relatable to a clean-shaven, I will say you will feel like a Brad Pitt or a George Clooney, when you have just trimmed your hair.

The confidence you get and the way you strut with a purpose, you wouldn’t do that when your back and sides fade has worn off for example.

With a beard, the feeling is the same, well kind of. When you grow a beard, the aim is to make yourself feel good all the time. Well, helping preserve the natural way on your face (letting your beard grow) you’re allowing nature to take its course.

Nature is beautiful in terms of scenery, isn’t it? Whether it be Yorkshire or Dorset for example, scenic beauty is lovely to look at, the same could be said with your beard.

As mentioned in previous posts, a bearded barber is entrusted with the utmost trust, the pledge of looking after and helping one’s beard look a bit sharper after they have been to the beard salon.

In a beard salon, your face won’t go in one of those machines, and you won’t be gossiping about what’s in OK magazine, but rather you will be in the care of a master craftsman.

Wax for the cheeks, cut-throat razor for the cheeks and to tidy up near Adam’s apple.
Not forgetting to mention the scissors, that would be required fo help tame the stray hairs from the side of the face (a consequence of untrimmed beard hair). When your beard is freshly trimmed, you dread walking on a windy day.

After the Bearded Barber, masterfully trimmed and helped shape your beard, the last thing you want is for the blustery conditions to ruin the barber’s hard work.

I am not sure if this just me, but I am reluctant to wear t-shirts, after I have to put my head through the hole, running the risk of messing up your beard in the process.

I wear shirts, when I go to the Bearded Barber, such is the concern that I have with this issue, is this just me?

In the case of when you get a haircut, one goes back to mediocrity. Hairs longer, not as well-trimmed and zap goes that fresh haircut swagger.

That probably explains why the barbers on the curry mile are always busy

When you outgrow your beard trim, a beard doesn’t lose that swagger, because he combs and maintains his beard.

A beard does lose some, but crucially not all. Brothers, the need to look after the beard always gets emphasised when it comes to the new beard. Stay blessed, stay beard – it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link;

http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you

Does my beard look big in this?

Hello and greetings my bearded soldiers it’s me your Bearded Captain leader of all beads and flag bearer of All beards on digital media.

I am that Bearded who tries to make people laugh I am that beard tries to make people smile.

My brothers for those of you who are in couples you will be able to relate to what I’m going to talk about in this blog.

Brothers let me paint the scene let me create the scenario in your mindBrothers let me paint the scene let me create the scenario in your mind.

So brothers its occasion it’s a family gathering is a party and you’re getting ready and you’ve already wore what are you going to wear for the party but for your good lady as we know the dramas with women it’s not quite as simple.

Does it match? Does it match with the jewellery set? Did The guestlist see them where this two years ago the same dress?

So after stringently going through that process of elimination to see if this garment is suitable for them the last obstacle that they go through in their mind and they consult with their partner.

They ask darling does my bum look big in this? In this scenario the man is torn, does he tell the truth?

If he tells the truth well, it’s a question of making sure your will is already written. So what the man usually would say is no, you look fine darling.

So trying to get himself out of the awkward situation if she does look a bit unfavourable scales and her bum does look a bit big, by telling a lie is risky as the woman’s paranoia will kick and she will sense other people will say it.

Ladies, this blog post is actually for you. us men are actually the same, no we are not concerned about the size of our buttocks know we are concerned about the size of our beard certain garments.

So if you like me I have generally asked dear does my bed look big in this, and thankfully I’ve been greeted with no you look fine.

The truth is does my beard look big in this? maybe it does maybe it doesn’t say, what truly matters it is that you look after your beard.

Suit and tie, smart casual, A traditional middle eastern garment the truth is your beard will always look big in this.

That’s not a bad thing brothers because big Beard, means masculinity big-time. So embrace and be proud of it no matter what you wear