Coronavirus

The Beardnet

Hello and good evening my bearded soldiers, I hope you’re well and looking after your beards. Greetings, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader and flag bearer of all beards. Brothers, I want to talk about an important issue this evening, that’s the issue of the Beardnet.

Nope, it’s not a Bearded alternative to a certain broadband provider who have a clean-shaven Jessie fronting their ad campaign (I know crazy and absurd). Brothers this evening’s topic is about the nets that workers in food shops put in their hair.

Here though, I will be mentioning when our Bearded brothers have to put their beards in captivity. The official line is, it’s hygiene and on one hand, they do have a point. When you’re eating your food and you see a stray hair in the food, it’s disgusting, right?

The last thing we want is someone experience that due to beard hair going astray, and they do go astray. When we say go astray, we’re not saying the beard is being rebellious but it kinds of exercising it’s right I guess, of leaving the face when it fees necessary.

There have been times, where hair mysteriously comes in my cereal. It’s not my head hair, I am bald! It can only be my beard hair. The feeling of putting a Beardnet on your beard would no doubt be uncomfortable, but better it’s than better than Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut Hair Flakes.

When playing snooker and you run the cue through your chin, but your chin is a beard, it can get uncomfortable, but also distressing. I say that because, right under your very nose your beard is getting messy, but you feel powerless.

Ok, so to raise the issue of another uncomfortable moment for your beard, I will be mentioning the moment when you put on a Coronavirus mask. The mask, as seen in the cover image (of me), is a mask that looks not too dissimilar to a mask of a surgeon.

At times, when combing your beard or trimming your tash, you need the precision of a surgeon. With those masks, it’s like your essentially practising putting your head down at the swimming pool’s deep end, the level you have to go to, to control your breathing .

On top of that, you have to deal with the fact that one, the mask puts a weird line in your beard and two it takes ages to come out! Coronavirus, it’s hoped is easing. Brothers, I know wearing masks may be uncomfortable but console yourself with this fact, clean-shaven look like what we do in our masks now.

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link;

http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you

Ramdan Mubarak, and what is Ramadan

Hello, and greetings my bearded soldiers, it’s me your bearded captain. I am here with an address of a different kind. As you know my beloved’s I like to try and make you laugh and smile with one-line jokes and general banter.

We are of course in unprecedented times, so the need to stay safe and well is of utmost importance. For the bearded Muslims amongst you, I would like to wish you a heartfelt Ramadan Mubarak (Happy Ramadan).

What is Ramadan I here you ask? No, it’s not where they “starve themselves” as some famously said within my earshot. Ramadan is a holy month for Muslims, where for 29/30 days (depending on the lunar calendar).

In this month, we Muslims abstain from food, drink and sexual activity in daylight hours. this a month, where we Muslims try to nourish the mind, body and soul. A cliche some might say this is, but if done correctly this will be achieved.

Ramadan, this year has a very different feel to it. This is quite simply due to the coronavirus, but the order of the day is to stay home and save lives. Some of the

Ramadan rituals is to share a meal with your community when you open your fast.
In my case, I am blessed to have a big family, so we get by and have been sharing our meals to open the fast with each other. In life, you deal with the cards you’re dealt with, but it doesn’t mean it was a bad deck.

The other Ramadan ritual would be a congregational night prayer (Taraweeh). Now, again this would be a chance to meet with the community spirit and also help build a spiritual connection, but just like with the opening of the fast, the need to stay home and save lives, is more important above all else.

Just like before Ramadan, where you observed lockdown, inshaaAllah do the same here. In the long run, you will realise it’s the best thing you did my Muslim beard.
It’s over and out from the bearded captain. Ramadan Mubarak!

The Summer beard

Hello, and greetings my bearded soldiers, I pray you are well. As you know, we are of course in unprecedented times, in the times of lockdown and isolation. The Monks and the Buddhists talk of isolation and the therapeutic effects of the period of solitude.

For your Captain, however, it’s not been plain sailing. Part of me thinks, this isolation thing, how am I differing from the Monks, what are they doing that I am not? Yes, in these times I have spent time with my Nephew (Bearded Captain in the making) and my niece who has a key to my heart (the cheeky monkey).

There have been times of boredom, and just feeling fed up and worn down. I share this bit of info with you my beloved’s, just to remind you, you’re not alone. My brothers, I invite you to reach out to me on my email (ayyazmalik86@gmail.com), should you feel the need to talk.

I am here for my brothers, even if I don’t blog as much here, that’s been in part due to me working on my vlog The Sports Buff, which is shaping nicely and my pride and joy, The Bearded Captain vlog.

Brothers, my bearded soldiers what I want to talk to you about today though is about the summer beard. Much has been made about Jim Carey advising men to do Quarantine Beard, (grow a beard in lockdown time) but with it being summer, traditionally men tend to shave their pride and joy off their faces.

I have to question this rhetoric. Guys, when it’s summer, do we grab the hair clippers and say this hair is too much let’s shave it off? Usually, men don’t, so why is beard different?

My soldiers, it’s a tough time to grow a beard or have a beard, I can’t dress this up. But my brothers, the true men amongst you, will take this challenge head-on. The Captain suggests, that you have a cold shower regularly as well washing your face with cold water.

Life is full of challenges brothers in the world of beard, don’t make this be one of them. Especially in the UK, summer doesn’t last forever, have some patience. Bless you, all brothers, it’s over and out of from The Bearded Captain.

An amusing story to make you smile during covid 19

By Ayyaz “The Bearded Captain” Malik

Hello and good greetings from The Bearded Captain. Good afternoon my bearded soldiers, I pray we are well, in the middle of maintaining our beards and in these unprecedented times, looking after our health.

Just like in other addresses, I will again use this chance, to express my thanks to NHS staff, from Dr’s, nurses and to other staff who work for the health service. Thank you for your efforts to look after the old and vulnerable where at times you can’t look after your own old and vulnerable.

My beloved’s I reach out to you today because I want to tell a story. I hope this tale brings a smile to your face. As I type this out, it brings a wry smile to my face just thinking about it.

The story is a short one, but yeah anyway. One morning, after waking up and having my bearded breakfast (two eggs, two toast with no butter and a glass of orange juice), I decided to check the post.

Now, as you know the post usually consists of bills and “junk” (but unfortunately no blank cheques). In the case of this story, it would be “junk mail” that came in the post I want to talk about.

What came in the post, was a little leaflet from Harry’s. Yes, that’s right Harry’s the shaving guys who make themselves out to be so ethical people.
But are the same people who promote the cutting of your face and to go out against father nature in this instant and shave their beards (you see what I did there, I got your back guys).

Whoever was on their marketing team and thought this was a good idea to send a leaflet to the house which has three fully bearded men in there is hilarious.

Maybe, they were trying to encourage The Captain to shave his head all those months before he eventually started using a razor to shave his head, who knows.

One thing I do know, when I saw the leaflet, it really made me laugh. Telling this story, I thought it could make you laugh too.

A guide to survive in isolation

By Ayyaz Malik (The Bearded Captain, leader of all beards)

It’s a strange world we live in. Not as strange though as the times we are currently living in. We are in the 21st century of course, but currently, we are living something of a life which looks familiar to Yester century (this is now a thing). 

Hello and greetings from your bearded captain. On this blog, you would have seen me write more in recent times in the form of the sports buff, the sports aficionado on sports from football to WWE. 

A lot has changed for your captain and a lot has changed in the world we live in, since my last bearded captain blog post, I am doing vlogging about my beard, you can find me here;  https://www.smartlightpeople.com/uploader/ayyazmalik86gmail-com/    

Of course, I am also on youtube, with the aim to spread the message of beard far and wide. My bearded soldiers, my bearded brothers we are in times, that we hope that we don’t have to face again, the time of the coronavirus. 

This pandemic, has sadly taken lives many lives, and it will look to take many more – but it’s also taken beard lives too. Lives matter, beard lives matter but on a serious note perspective here is needed. A big mention must go to the NHS (or national health service for my friends abroad).

Despite some of the men having to be clean-shaven (for health/hygiene reasons) these men and women are at the forefront helping our uncle’s, auntie’s, mum’s, dads and grandparents alike. 

A salute goes to them ‘men’ and women, (yes you read that right, but it’s the one and only time). They are (some of them) are caring for the elderly, (not all corona patients are elderly) This is of course a bearded trait an important one at that too. In their line of profession, the medical professional’s have deemed it necessary to remove beards. 

I would hope it’s all part of a conspiracy theory, but in these times the need to stay safe is most important above all else. Those clean-shaven men are looking after those who could be our loved ones. 

In certain cases, they can’t come back home and see their loved ones due to taking safe distancing measures. So, in a nutshell, my beards, this blog post was just me saying, I am still here. 

Over this isolation period, I The Bearded Captain will be looking to keep you lovely souls entertained. That will be through my TikTok videos and also my blog series, as well as the vlog updates on smart light people. 

Also, hoping you are able to sit in your garden, and sit out there and take in the good weather, hopefully this will be an option. Read my blog posts and other brilliant blog posts is another option.

Guys, this isolation will no doubt be challenging, but maybe read a book, watch a boxset, find some indoor exercises to do – these are just some things that you can do to keep yourself occupied.

My beards, you can make sure you keep your beard nice and soft in this period too. Whatever you do brothers, being bored should not be one of those things!