Beards

The right hand superiority complex

Hello and greetings my Bearded soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards. My brothers, I have been off the scene for a while, but don’t worry I am still here!

Brothers, what I wanted to talk about here is the issue of the right hand superiority complex. Now as you know all Beards are equal, whether you’re black, Asian, Chinese.

What separates a beard from one to another is the length of beard. A longer beard has superiority of a shorter one because of the length of time that he has grown it.

One other factor that separates beards, is the right-handed man from the left-handed, and this is what I want to talk about. Brother beards of the left-handed person persuasion, we need to talk.

It’s about the right-handed people. Notice how I say the right-handed people, the right-handers are of course clean shaven and bearded. They are separate from us.

The righties, well think they’re right all the time because they’re “right-handed”. That’s bias bs right there. Then there’s the right hand-man, that’s another propaganda right there, “right from wrong” or “writing” ….. I can go on!

This is why I talk about this issue. Being left-handed isn’t the “devil’s work as some like to think … we’re a unique bunch and it’s time to stop the right-handed snobbery.

We need to stop terms that make lefties look bad. Like “left at the alter”, “left alone“ or “left overs”. It needs to stop!

Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Marilyn Monroe and Barrack Obama are just some illustrious names of the left-handed persuasion. So have a think about that, the next time you knock us lefties.

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

Dispelling a myth

Hello and greetings my bearded soldiers, good evening it’s me your Bearded Captain leader of all beards.

I pray you’re well and looking after your beards, as well as maintaining them.

My brothers, we have seen, as well as discussed several scenarios and dealt with them along the way.

The Covid-19 issue is ongoing, but as your leader, I have addressed this issue and offered solutions.

The winter beard and summer beard is the further examples of challenges we beards face .

Now, brothers, we know that the clean-shaven “man” is a sworn enemy to the beard. They will try to use many tricks to deceive you.

What about when it gets really hot, like scorching hot (like it’s been for the past three/four days) they will say.

Beards, the beard hasn’t gone and melted in this way weather so why should you get rid of it? Heat doesn’t kill your beard it only enhances it!

In the heat, your beard is like your face sweatband, the same way the head sweatband does its thing.

When there’s sunshine, a clean-shaven face is likely to feel irritation and may even attract a rash.

With a bearded face, this pretty much covers this concern and allays those fears. The clean-shaven, love to use many diversion tactics and excuses.

One of their excuses has been, Captain “you never say anything to the ones who have a moustache only”.

Very well clean-shaven Jessie, in this blog post you will get your wish. Now, the one’s who have a moustache and shave their face .. are still cleanly shaven.

Now, just because they don’t get mentioned by name, don’t think they’re out of the firing line.

They’re the crossbreeds. They try to show that they’re not like clean-shaven because they have facial hair.

No, that’s lip fluff .. a bit of hair you have kept under your lip for god knows what reason.

Nope, you’re not Poirot, Yosemite Sam or Astrix, and even they shouldn’t keep moustaches.

Some keep the moustache and resemble a Mexican drug lord and some look suited to the adult film industry.

When you drink your cup of tea or have a glass of water, it’s like your moustache is too. Now, some smartasses might say but food gets stuck in the beard so what’s your point?

Well with this scenario, you can comb the crumbs out and wash your beard, but you can’t do that with a tash.

Taking of eating, even when you’re eating your food, your lip fluff goes in your mouth too, so it’s like you’re eating your moustache… yuk!

Now, brothers, some try to make their moustaches “fashionable”.

This blog will most certainly upset the Asian uncle and the odd auntie too hehe (you know what I mean) but as Bearded Leader, I preach what needs to be preached.

The clean-shaven will try to brainwash you with the Hugo Boss adverts and the Hugo Boss kind of man (models who are clean-shaven), but don’t be duped we know their game.

Their moustached counterparts looked to have learnt some of their tricks too. In poetic style Asian uncles say in Urdu maybe as an emotional guilt trip tactic.

According to them if you don’t have a moustache you don’t have anything, which is nonsense.

Brothers, a moustache can be grown, but you need your beard too.

The godfather and pinnacle of all beards said: “Grow your beards and trim your moustaches”.

I leave you with that thought. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link;

http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you