If she doesn’t do this She’s not for you bro (with a dose of satire)

Hello, and greetings my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards, flag bearer of all beards on digital and digital media.

I am that beard who tries to make people laugh, and I am that beard who tries to make people smile. My brothers, my beloved’s I hope you’re well and looking after yourselves, and most importantly looking after your beards!

Brothers, as you know we discuss many topics on here, from beards, beard humour, dad jokes, comedy sketches, sports round up and sports satire but today’s issue is slightly different.

Brothers, in this video I want to discuss some criterion you should look for when looking for a partner or even spouse. Long story short, I will also say that, a woman who’s kind, caring, patient and loyal as some of the traits needed for a good woman.

A woman who stands by you grows with you and helps you rise to the top when you were at the bottom, again are all credible things to look for in a woman.

The religious, aspect will say look for four things, (wealthy, beauty, status and religious) I won’t contradict this brothers, but I want to break this down for the beard life aspect. Brothers, a good woman will encourage you to grow your beard.

Some women say they like their men clean-shaven … if you wanted to be with a woman, then be with a woman!

The 21st century is a very accepting world. The dream women will need to inspire you (in your goals), your dreams. She will keep also keep you firm in your quest for chicken excellence.

The wrong women will get you eating beef burgers! …. *takes deep breaths*.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with beef burgers, but the right women will know chicken burgers conquers all!

Thankfully Mrs Captain is now well versed in this regard. She asked, but then knew the answer in this scenario that I will tell you about now.

So, the opportunity arose for me to have chicken for lunch, but it was already agreed as it were that it was chicken for dinner. So I had eggs (part of the chicken) for breakfast, with chicken poppers for lunch and then it was a chicken fillet burger for dinner.

Mrs Captain, understood the value of chicken in my life, must also state that whenever we do go out, she craves Dixy’s mini burgers or KFC.

That’s a keeper right there! As you guys know, I love to be tongue and cheek with my blogs.

Brothers, a good woman is one of the most precious things in life, now also must be stated that you as beard are defined by excellence.

What this means is that, you treat your beards with love, care and patience … a woman needs a similar kind of love. A good woman will see you for your strengths and weaknesses, she will be there in the sunshine and in the rain too.

She will wipe your face down when it’s raining. Brothers, we doing that for our women, it’s natural it’s why we grew the beard. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

How to crack women (satire)

Hello and greetings my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain leader of all beards, flag bearer of all beards.

Brothers, I want to talk about the issue of the women folk.

Their rights to vote, equal pay and just a general position in society , women are a hotly debated subject.

Brothers as a man who is married and also been divorced I want to talk about some ways, some tips and methods on how to understand women better.

So my beloved’s what I want to talk about is a few different scenarios where every woman has come into this particular category/scenario.

I will tell you the first scenario, ”I am ok” or “leave me alone” an all too familiar scenario right? This is when you ask her are you okay? Then she says I’m okay but you can tell from her face she’s just not.

Sometimes she may need to be left alone. Other times, the all mighty knows best, because if you leave her alone you’re not giving her enough attention.

Yes, very confusing I know! The same thing with the, she is ok scenario, if you assume she’s ok and not say anything, it will lead to a world war.

What do you do then? I can only advise ask her are you ok, but don’t over do it, let her come to you. In this Scenario, it can be argued there’s no right answer, in the case of a woman it’s always wrong answer.

Brother for this next point, don’t mention this for your own your own safety.I can’t forget to mention the how it takes her half of the day to get ready, Brother don’t mention this for your own safety.

Just as long as you’re ready for that party before she is and you can sit down and read blogs, like this or listen to/watch my videos, that’s fine.

A woman is always right, in all circumstances. No if no buts. Also note her cooking doesn’t need anymore salt, it’s perfect!

The last example, is when taking her out to dinner. Women love to be given the feeling that they are in control. A man? He has that same thought.

So what to do here? It’s simple brothers, you pay attention to what restaurant she likes. With this this info, you make it look like you made the decision to go to the restaurant she likes.

It shows you’re decisive , but also you have her interests at heart, you’re welcome.

Brothers, also want to mention, if you ever wind up a woman… give them space. You will have to apologise to them for getting them mad, but then give them time to cool down.

When dealing with a fire, does the fire fighter attack the flames straight up? No, of course he doesn’t! He allows the flames to decrease, that’s what you’re doing here.

So that’s your guide brothers. If you bear these tips in mind, consider this that you have survived being out in the wild.

Is there any examples I missed? Let me know in the comments. It’s over and from the The Bearded Captain.

Stay blessed, stay beard!

The things you should never ask

Hello and good morning greetings my bedded soldiers. I go by the name of the Bearded Captain, Leader, flag bearer of all beards on digital media.

I am that beard who to tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.

My bearded beloved’s so kind of carrying on from the last blog address where we spoke about some unwritten rules in life of what we shouldn’t do.

In this blog post my brothers I want to talk about things that we just shouldn’t ask. So some things would be self-explanatory you would think that you don’t ask, but other things aren’t necessarily.

Why should you not ask these questions? Brothers I have to talk about being a bit of a bearded know it all but in this instance I generally don’t know, but just don’t do it.

I have learned this to my cost there was an incident where I was at my dad‘s market stall and a young and naive me asked a lady what’s her size for the underwear she needed.

She went red my dad and my dad in no uncertain terms told me so that’s just something you don’t ask and an eight-year-/old nine-year-old me asked dad why?

My dad rather embarrassed, said son you just don’t! Another example of naivety is if your parent says can you do this and you say can’t you do it ?

Again in this example this is something that you will be doing at your own peril. This is something that your Captain hasn’t done because I’m not so naive I’m a bit more smart in this regard.

If there are any of you however you fancy that shot then also book yourself in for an A&E appointment when you get uppercutted for the bare cheek of it.

I can not write this blog without including the topic of someone taking your curly chips.

There are other examples for example this is more for the Muslim readers amongst you. You never ask a lady why are you not praying or fasting.

If you really want to ask you’re just going to embarrass yourself in the process. Last but not least of the things that you should just not ask, is this.

You never ask someone who is a football fan and they don’t support their local team, why? I almost lost a friend due to this they were that annoyed.

Are there any others that I’ve missed? let me know in the comments. It’s over and out from the Bearded Captain.

Stay blessed stay Beard!

Does my beard look big in this?

Hello and greetings my bearded soldiers it’s me your Bearded Captain leader of all beads and flag bearer of All beards on digital media.

I am that Bearded who tries to make people laugh I am that beard tries to make people smile.

My brothers for those of you who are in couples you will be able to relate to what I’m going to talk about in this blog.

Brothers let me paint the scene let me create the scenario in your mindBrothers let me paint the scene let me create the scenario in your mind.

So brothers its occasion it’s a family gathering is a party and you’re getting ready and you’ve already wore what are you going to wear for the party but for your good lady as we know the dramas with women it’s not quite as simple.

Does it match? Does it match with the jewellery set? Did The guestlist see them where this two years ago the same dress?

So after stringently going through that process of elimination to see if this garment is suitable for them the last obstacle that they go through in their mind and they consult with their partner.

They ask darling does my bum look big in this? In this scenario the man is torn, does he tell the truth?

If he tells the truth well, it’s a question of making sure your will is already written. So what the man usually would say is no, you look fine darling.

So trying to get himself out of the awkward situation if she does look a bit unfavourable scales and her bum does look a bit big, by telling a lie is risky as the woman’s paranoia will kick and she will sense other people will say it.

Ladies, this blog post is actually for you. us men are actually the same, no we are not concerned about the size of our buttocks know we are concerned about the size of our beard certain garments.

So if you like me I have generally asked dear does my bed look big in this, and thankfully I’ve been greeted with no you look fine.

The truth is does my beard look big in this? maybe it does maybe it doesn’t say, what truly matters it is that you look after your beard.

Suit and tie, smart casual, A traditional middle eastern garment the truth is your beard will always look big in this.

That’s not a bad thing brothers because big Beard, means masculinity big-time. So embrace and be proud of it no matter what you wear