Coronavirus

Dispelling a myth

Hello and greetings my bearded soldiers, good evening it’s me your Bearded Captain leader of all beards.

I pray you’re well and looking after your beards, as well as maintaining them.

My brothers, we have seen, as well as discussed several scenarios and dealt with them along the way.

The Covid-19 issue is ongoing, but as your leader, I have addressed this issue and offered solutions.

The winter beard and summer beard is the further examples of challenges we beards face .

Now, brothers, we know that the clean-shaven “man” is a sworn enemy to the beard. They will try to use many tricks to deceive you.

What about when it gets really hot, like scorching hot (like it’s been for the past three/four days) they will say.

Beards, the beard hasn’t gone and melted in this way weather so why should you get rid of it? Heat doesn’t kill your beard it only enhances it!

In the heat, your beard is like your face sweatband, the same way the head sweatband does its thing.

When there’s sunshine, a clean-shaven face is likely to feel irritation and may even attract a rash.

With a bearded face, this pretty much covers this concern and allays those fears. The clean-shaven, love to use many diversion tactics and excuses.

One of their excuses has been, Captain “you never say anything to the ones who have a moustache only”.

Very well clean-shaven Jessie, in this blog post you will get your wish. Now, the one’s who have a moustache and shave their face .. are still cleanly shaven.

Now, just because they don’t get mentioned by name, don’t think they’re out of the firing line.

They’re the crossbreeds. They try to show that they’re not like clean-shaven because they have facial hair.

No, that’s lip fluff .. a bit of hair you have kept under your lip for god knows what reason.

Nope, you’re not Poirot, Yosemite Sam or Astrix, and even they shouldn’t keep moustaches.

Some keep the moustache and resemble a Mexican drug lord and some look suited to the adult film industry.

When you drink your cup of tea or have a glass of water, it’s like your moustache is too. Now, some smartasses might say but food gets stuck in the beard so what’s your point?

Well with this scenario, you can comb the crumbs out and wash your beard, but you can’t do that with a tash.

Taking of eating, even when you’re eating your food, your lip fluff goes in your mouth too, so it’s like you’re eating your moustache… yuk!

Now, brothers, some try to make their moustaches “fashionable”.

This blog will most certainly upset the Asian uncle and the odd auntie too hehe (you know what I mean) but as Bearded Leader, I preach what needs to be preached.

The clean-shaven will try to brainwash you with the Hugo Boss adverts and the Hugo Boss kind of man (models who are clean-shaven), but don’t be duped we know their game.

Their moustached counterparts looked to have learnt some of their tricks too. In poetic style Asian uncles say in Urdu maybe as an emotional guilt trip tactic.

According to them if you don’t have a moustache you don’t have anything, which is nonsense.

Brothers, a moustache can be grown, but you need your beard too.

The godfather and pinnacle of all beards said: “Grow your beards and trim your moustaches”.

I leave you with that thought. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link;

http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you

The Bearded Key-workers explained

Hello and Greetings, my bearded soldiers. Some might not know, but you my bearded beloved’s do know –  I go by the name of The Bearded Captain, leader of all beards on digital media.

As you know my beloved’s (if you watch my vlog) , I have got a new snapback. This snapback is printed, with the message, “The Bearded Captain, leader of all beards on digital media”.

My brothers, I am delighted to announce, that I am now selling snapbacks. They are available in a variety of colours, and personalised messages ( please email; ayyazmalik86@gmail.com for more info).

I have to share with you my beards. that my beard I personally trimmed it today. The excruciating detail of finding the right weapon of choice was necessary for undergoing this important and noble task/operation, as beard needs that TLB (tender love of beard).

The careful trimming, the precise cutting with the scissors to make the beard normal on the sides, was the kind of cutting precision that  would leave your local butcher  admiring in awe.

It wasn’t just the scissors needed for this mission, the Wahl head shaver was called to duty, to complete its bearded national service. Now, I know what you’re thinking (it’s summer, the face fur will get the heave-ho, due to the heat).

My brothers, no-no .. this is far from the truth. The hair clipper was needed, due to The Captain needing to control what I call, “side whiskers”.

Fyi, the number four-blade did an admiral job of trimming the side whiskers down, but it’s not quite  to the standard of the bearded heroes.

These guys are heroes. If the nurses, carers and people of the medical profession are key workers, then I must advise you that these dedicated souls are bearded key workers. Who are these heroes, who put themselves on the front line in the fight to keep beards maintained and well-groomed?

They are my brothers, Scissors Kutz barbershop in Manchester. These brave Musketeers hail from the land of Kurdistan, where it seems the case that all of them go through an extensive training regime, to master the art of haircutting, but most importantly the maintenance of beard before they step fur on British shores.

To bring family honor in the Asian household, having a career as a Dr, Accountant or Lawyer will only do, for our Kurd heroes, this seems to be the same thing, except for that they must be a barber.

These brave men, sacrifice time with their families to deal with the most urgent of cases of poor beard maintenance. Bearded Knotts uneven beard growth seems to be the common bearded emergencies.

If that’s not hard enough, they will have to deal with sure of client bookings after lockdown, due to everyone looking like Captain caveman or Shaggy from Scooby doo. Before you say it, yes he’s a shame to “the captain family”, Uncle Birds eye told him so.

On top of the next few weeks to come, there is, of course, the Eid haircut. Why is the relevant I hear you ask?

This is the time where people lose their minds … think people queuing up for the new iPhone 11, then you will see my point. Christmas bookings will no doubt be just as hectic too.

There are other vital people, in the fight on the bearded front line. The employees at Bulldog, the beard care company. The bearded barbers are one part of the cog and the beard care workers is the other.

A beard needs all its nutrients to grow (beardosynthesis). They too like their bearded barber counterparts, work long hours anyway, but even more in the Christmas period, which means they don’t see their families.

So there you have it my beards,  course make sure you do self maintenance  and self beard care where you can.

It had to be mentioned that these hardworking souls are key, to keeping your face looking awesome. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain, stay blessed … stay beard!

The Summer beard

Hello, and greetings my bearded soldiers, I pray you are well. As you know, we are of course in unprecedented times, in the times of lockdown and isolation. The Monks and the Buddhists talk of isolation and the therapeutic effects of the period of solitude.

For your Captain, however, it’s not been plain sailing. Part of me thinks, this isolation thing, how am I differing from the Monks, what are they doing that I am not? Yes, in these times I have spent time with my Nephew (Bearded Captain in the making) and my niece who has a key to my heart (the cheeky monkey).

There have been times of boredom, and just feeling fed up and worn down. I share this bit of info with you my beloved’s, just to remind you, you’re not alone. My brothers, I invite you to reach out to me on my email (ayyazmalik86@gmail.com), should you feel the need to talk.

I am here for my brothers, even if I don’t blog as much here, that’s been in part due to me working on my vlog The Sports Buff, which is shaping nicely and my pride and joy, The Bearded Captain vlog.

Brothers, my bearded soldiers what I want to talk to you about today though is about the summer beard. Much has been made about Jim Carey advising men to do Quarantine Beard, (grow a beard in lockdown time) but with it being summer, traditionally men tend to shave their pride and joy off their faces.

I have to question this rhetoric. Guys, when it’s summer, do we grab the hair clippers and say this hair is too much let’s shave it off? Usually, men don’t, so why is beard different?

My soldiers, it’s a tough time to grow a beard or have a beard, I can’t dress this up. But my brothers, the true men amongst you, will take this challenge head-on. The Captain suggests, that you have a cold shower regularly as well washing your face with cold water.

Life is full of challenges brothers in the world of beard, don’t make this be one of them. Especially in the UK, summer doesn’t last forever, have some patience. Bless you, all brothers, it’s over and out of from The Bearded Captain.

Even beards need to stay safe too

By Ayyaz “The Bearded Captain” Malik

Hello and greetings my bearded beloved’s, good afternoon. As we are insolation season, I will make sure that I address you, my soldiers in this time.

A lot of you, might be fighting boredom, and other dom’s – maybe stardom, but as you are not as magnificent as The Captain, that’s unlikely.

I am very flattered of course, but there have been two tales of when your captain has been stopped twice, due to his face trophy – his beard.

Once in Wakefield West Yorkshire, the other in Small Heath Birmingham. The occasion in Birmingham gave me great joy as on this occasion I was stopped due to being recognized as The Bearded Captain.
Yes, this tale will be told to the kids and grandkids … can you blame me? Gloating aside, gleaming aside I want to talk about the issue at hand. This issue is an important one.

For the die-hard fans of this blog amongst you, I know you’re in your masses, then you will remember a blog post where I stated that even The Captain can get man flu as well as other bearded men.

This blog post is essentially about that, but it’s just reminding you brothers, that stay safe and weary in these times. I know you have Herculean faces brothers, but in this pandemic of Covid 19, please follow the guidelines that your government has set.

I can’t do this post, without mentioning the tragic bearded news that some of our bearded brothers have been lost in the battle of covid 19. There are beards who, in the fight against this pandemic are giving up their time and facial hair to help our elderly and vulnerable.

The Captain gives those now beardless men and the women a fully-fledged bearded salute and running socially distanced bro hug. A mention to my brothers, thanks for helping the ill and affected, I know it must be hard to remove your face diamonds from your face.

Looking like your barely older enough to have left school, never mind have a fully-fledged full-time job, what these male nurses, in this case, are doing is of course admirable.

Some nurses are working close to 15 hours a day, without some time off in site. My beards, just because you are still bearded where some might not be, just please stay safe and take care.

You are superheroes, yes, but just like Superman and Batman, they can get hurt and feel pain. My brothers so can you, stay safe …. and look after yourselves and your beards!

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain , peace.

An amusing story to make you smile during covid 19

By Ayyaz “The Bearded Captain” Malik

Hello and good greetings from The Bearded Captain. Good afternoon my bearded soldiers, I pray we are well, in the middle of maintaining our beards and in these unprecedented times, looking after our health.

Just like in other addresses, I will again use this chance, to express my thanks to NHS staff, from Dr’s, nurses and to other staff who work for the health service. Thank you for your efforts to look after the old and vulnerable where at times you can’t look after your own old and vulnerable.

My beloved’s I reach out to you today because I want to tell a story. I hope this tale brings a smile to your face. As I type this out, it brings a wry smile to my face just thinking about it.

The story is a short one, but yeah anyway. One morning, after waking up and having my bearded breakfast (two eggs, two toast with no butter and a glass of orange juice), I decided to check the post.

Now, as you know the post usually consists of bills and “junk” (but unfortunately no blank cheques). In the case of this story, it would be “junk mail” that came in the post I want to talk about.

What came in the post, was a little leaflet from Harry’s. Yes, that’s right Harry’s the shaving guys who make themselves out to be so ethical people.
But are the same people who promote the cutting of your face and to go out against father nature in this instant and shave their beards (you see what I did there, I got your back guys).

Whoever was on their marketing team and thought this was a good idea to send a leaflet to the house which has three fully bearded men in there is hilarious.

Maybe, they were trying to encourage The Captain to shave his head all those months before he eventually started using a razor to shave his head, who knows.

One thing I do know, when I saw the leaflet, it really made me laugh. Telling this story, I thought it could make you laugh too.

A guide to survive in isolation

By Ayyaz Malik (The Bearded Captain, leader of all beards)

It’s a strange world we live in. Not as strange though as the times we are currently living in. We are in the 21st century of course, but currently, we are living something of a life which looks familiar to Yester century (this is now a thing). 

Hello and greetings from your bearded captain. On this blog, you would have seen me write more in recent times in the form of the sports buff, the sports aficionado on sports from football to WWE. 

A lot has changed for your captain and a lot has changed in the world we live in, since my last bearded captain blog post, I am doing vlogging about my beard, you can find me here;  https://www.smartlightpeople.com/uploader/ayyazmalik86gmail-com/    

Of course, I am also on youtube, with the aim to spread the message of beard far and wide. My bearded soldiers, my bearded brothers we are in times, that we hope that we don’t have to face again, the time of the coronavirus. 

This pandemic, has sadly taken lives many lives, and it will look to take many more – but it’s also taken beard lives too. Lives matter, beard lives matter but on a serious note perspective here is needed. A big mention must go to the NHS (or national health service for my friends abroad).

Despite some of the men having to be clean-shaven (for health/hygiene reasons) these men and women are at the forefront helping our uncle’s, auntie’s, mum’s, dads and grandparents alike. 

A salute goes to them ‘men’ and women, (yes you read that right, but it’s the one and only time). They are (some of them) are caring for the elderly, (not all corona patients are elderly) This is of course a bearded trait an important one at that too. In their line of profession, the medical professional’s have deemed it necessary to remove beards. 

I would hope it’s all part of a conspiracy theory, but in these times the need to stay safe is most important above all else. Those clean-shaven men are looking after those who could be our loved ones. 

In certain cases, they can’t come back home and see their loved ones due to taking safe distancing measures. So, in a nutshell, my beards, this blog post was just me saying, I am still here. 

Over this isolation period, I The Bearded Captain will be looking to keep you lovely souls entertained. That will be through my TikTok videos and also my blog series, as well as the vlog updates on smart light people. 

Also, hoping you are able to sit in your garden, and sit out there and take in the good weather, hopefully this will be an option. Read my blog posts and other brilliant blog posts is another option.

Guys, this isolation will no doubt be challenging, but maybe read a book, watch a boxset, find some indoor exercises to do – these are just some things that you can do to keep yourself occupied.

My beards, you can make sure you keep your beard nice and soft in this period too. Whatever you do brothers, being bored should not be one of those things!