Coronavirus

The alternate face mask

Hello, and greetings my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag-bearer of all beards on digital media. My brothers, I hope you’re well and looking after yourselves, and your beards!

Brothers, one of the best gifts in life is health, family and free time. As blessed as one is to have some of them, and even more blessed to have them all, another blessing is your beard!

Now my beloved’s you’re only too aware of my opinions on beard life. A beard, makes a man, yes, but the man must also make the beard …. this is also true. My soldiers, what I want to talk about in this message is the issue of masks.

Whether you love them or loathe them, a mask is here to stay for the foreseeable future around the world. Now, my brothers, with the mask it covers your face and protects your mouth does it not?

This is vital, the experts say to protect yourself against the virus. My brothers, a beard is the ultimate mask. A beard masks an ugly face … I am being honest a face that allows nature to dictate it is the purest face and of course a natural one.

A face becomes ugly if you change like the clean-shaven do when they betray their face day after day …. it will take its toll. Brothers did you know, it’s more hygienic to have a beard than not having one? Didn’t think so.

This propaganda of the clean-shaven will never tell you that. In this pandemic, even yours truly was told due to Covid19, I will have to shave my face, but no that’s for the people in the medical profession.

A beard, masks face rash and coldness in the winter! But amongst all that it protects us men from feminine tendencies. We are men, so be men! The beard also mask the beard itch too!

Here is the video of me talking about this on daily motion; https://www.dailymotion.com/TheBeardedCaptain

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain, stay blessed stay beard!

The passing of the torch moment

Hello and good morning my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards, flag bearer of all beards. I pray you’re well and looking after yourselves, but more importantly looking after your beards!

My Bearded brothers, it’s been with great privilege and honour that I can say I am your Bearded Captain, your Bearded Leader. I might not mention it too much, but as much as I lead you beards over social media and all digital media, I am also following a lead too.

That lead I am following is that of The Bearded General, Daddy Malik (aka Daddy Beard). Now, his bearded eminence The Bearded General, The Commander and Chief is a superior above a superior.

Now, it might be hard to believe, brothers that I need to be lead, but there are two figures that are above me in rank. The Bearded Alpha, Mr Ahmed Talib Rashid and of course The Bearded General Daddy Malik.

As much as The Alpha has been a priceless mentor, teacher and someone to help your Captain in his Bearded adolescence, it’s the story of The General of Beards who this story refers to.

Brothers, my dad, of course, is my mentor in life, but he is most certainly in my Bearded life too. He is the one who gives my beard the thorough inspection after I have been to The Bearded Barbers.

“It’s not level” or “It’s not cut properly below the chin and above the Adam’s apple” are just some of the criterion The General looks for when he wants to see his son and now air to The Bearded Throne.

For the loyal readers of my blog (thank you for that), you will know that I make mention of the deceased leader of Cuba Fidel Castro. Now, don’t get me wrong here guys I am not going to make any political statements here, (we don’t do that here, we try to make the people laugh and smile).

My dad would liken me to Fidel, now when he first said this I thought, maybe because I am an excellent leader in his eyes, someone who has an aura about him … nope, it was none of that! It was due to my beard being messy!

The General would never mince his words and would always give me tough Bearded Love, but when my dad came to me for advice it was a passing of the torch moment. It was Bearded advice.

So it went like this;

“Son do you have anything for there bottom of my beard underneath my chin’? At this point was so humbled and I beamed and couldn’t stop smiling. The advice didn’t stop there, my dad even took one of my beard combs too, felt like a very happy beard indeed!

On that happy note, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain. Stay blessed, stay beard!

Here is my very first podcast, hope you like it!; https://anchor.fm/thebeardedcaptain/episodes/The-Bearded-Captain-here-to-introduce-myself-egup2k

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link; http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you

The decorative beard

Hello and good morning my bearded soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag-bearer of all beards. My bearded brothers, I pray you’re well and looking after yourselves and your beard!

My bearded brothers, project Bearded Captain is blossoming quite nicely. 

There is the blogs, which we’re doing here, the vlogs, which can be found here; https://www.smartlightpeople.com//watch/the-story-of-how-i-grew-my-beard_azGpf68oTpmC3SB.html.

As well, as that there is the podcast which is available on the majority of Podcast platforms (which includes Pocket Cast and Spotify amongst others). A massive thanks goes to the one, who gave me my beard.

Now brothers, what I want to talk about today though, is the issue of the “decorative beard”. This is an issue, that won’t get spoken about too much, but it’s still necessary to mention this.

This topic is as literal as it sounds, it’s a beard that’s well decorated. Now, brothers, in my infancy of beard life, I had a lack of knowledge on this issue. Someone, in my work, asked;

“will you put baubles on your beard”. Upon hearing this, I thought to myself, I have never heard such a ridiculous suggestion. To me, it’s like a man wearing a headband, which is fittingly called an “Alice band”, note it’s not an Alistair band (the clue is in the detail).

Upon further investigation, I found out that beard baubles are available as well as beard clips. Brothers, if grown correctly your beard is the decorative piece of your face.

Why some have found the need, to find a product that’s not needed (beard baubles) is beyond me, it really is. The beard baubles, like the masks we were in this day and age, instead of helping the beard blossom, it, in fact, does the exact opposite!

WWE wrestler Seamus is the first person I think of when the topic of decorative beard is mentioned. The beard that he had, is the entry-level of beard.

The sides of his beard cheeks, platted may look cool, it’s far from it. Brothers, this is beard abuse. We take good care to groom and nurture our beards, baubles are to be put on a Christmas tree.

A Christmas tree is of course where the gifts are stored and the face gift is where the beard is stored. Brothers, I was gifted a beard bauble set and I have worn the bearded baubles, it made the clean-shaven laugh and smile.

Everything I said still applies to the bearded baubles, but to make the clean-shaven smile is also your purpose in life, even if they make their own faces unhappy by shaving.

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain, stay blessed stay beard!

Here is my very first podcast, hope you like it!; https://anchor.fm/thebeardedcaptain/episodes/The-Bearded-Captain-here-to-introduce-myself-egup2k

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link; http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you

How to deal with the haters

Hello, and greetings my bearded soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader and flag bearer of all beards. Brothers, as always hope you’re well and looking after yourselves & your beard!

Brothers, this topic comes back around every so often, it’s getting a tad boring, even I admit this. Having said that my brothers, this topic is an important one. That dear brothers is the issue of The haters.

My bearded beloved’s being at the top of the mountain, makes you be a moving/sitting target. What I mean whatever you do is wrong, even if it’s right it’s still wrong. I am not proud to admit this brothers, but The Captain needed to recharge mentally.

This was due to for the first time in a long time, getting negged out. Getting negged out with the comments, the criticism and the people doubting. But it has served as a reminder for me, no matter out of every 100, there will be someone who supports you.

That person for me was Jambo on Twitter (don’t remember his full ID). Anyway you sir, as I was talking about football, really gave me confidence and belief to carry on doing a Twitter live.

I have done Facebook Live, and Instagram too, but the Twittersphere was like a step into the unknown. I don’t have too much to say, other than you can get knocked down, but whatever you do brothers don’t stay there!

Some of the greatest beards rose up in terms of adversity, you my brother make sure you’re the same. You will get “a beard makes you look ugly”, you’re too young for a beard. Most of this is criticism from women.

Brothers, they’re too womanly for The Bearded look. My soldiers, look out for my next episode on my podcast series of The Bearded Captain! This was a blog to get my fingers back into action.

My body has got back into action at the gym after a three month lay off due to coronavirus. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

Here is my very first podcast, hope you like it!;

https://anchor.fm/thebeardedcaptain/episodes/The-Bearded-Captain-here-to-introduce-myself-egup2k

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link;

http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you

The gap beard explained

Hello, and greetings my bearded soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain. Brothers, I hope you’re well and looking after your beards. my Bearded Beloved’s I want to talk about an important issue.

That is the issue of The Gap Beard. Brothers, that’s as literal as it sounds. Now, I must admit this topic didn’t come to my consideration until I heard someone mention this issue.

My soldiers, we have talked in length about the need and necessity of growing a beard and how awesome they are and make you look. What makes a beard as show-stopping as it is, is the fact it’s well kept, groomed and “full”.

So that means brothers your beard needs to join to the tash and your cheek hairs need to be full up with no gaps. It’s hard for some of your (namely the white guy and Arabs), but a beard in its true beauty is when it’s full.

To fill gaps in a wall, you use polly filler, if only there was a beard equivalent!

Spare a thought for some Chinese, and other brothers from The Far East. You can’t grow a full beard, so shave it? Errrr no! Brother of mine, I can assure you, you’re very beloved to me and even loved more than the other beards are loved by your bearded leader.

Some of the Asian teenagers have better facial hair than you when they’re 13, but you still persist in beard life. Where you can (the parts that grow) *weeps at that fact*, put cream or beard oil on your beard.

Nothing beats keeping your beard well nourished. Whether you have a full Merlin or Cat Whiskers beard, you will still be better than a clean-shaven. I know a beard with a gap, is arguably the male equivalent of being flat-chested, but a clean-shaven is like a girl putting tissue roll in her t-shirt (if you know what I mean)

We are brothers my beards, we are all equal. The example of someone with a beard gap reminds of to be grateful for what beard we have been given, we should appreciate what we have.

It’s over and out from The Bearded (full beard from the cheeks, with no gaps) Captain.

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link;

http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you

Dispelling a myth

Hello and greetings my bearded soldiers, good evening it’s me your Bearded Captain leader of all beards.

I pray you’re well and looking after your beards, as well as maintaining them.

My brothers, we have seen, as well as discussed several scenarios and dealt with them along the way.

The Covid-19 issue is ongoing, but as your leader, I have addressed this issue and offered solutions.

The winter beard and summer beard is the further examples of challenges we beards face .

Now, brothers, we know that the clean-shaven “man” is a sworn enemy to the beard. They will try to use many tricks to deceive you.

What about when it gets really hot, like scorching hot (like it’s been for the past three/four days) they will say.

Beards, the beard hasn’t gone and melted in this way weather so why should you get rid of it? Heat doesn’t kill your beard it only enhances it!

In the heat, your beard is like your face sweatband, the same way the head sweatband does its thing.

When there’s sunshine, a clean-shaven face is likely to feel irritation and may even attract a rash.

With a bearded face, this pretty much covers this concern and allays those fears. The clean-shaven, love to use many diversion tactics and excuses.

One of their excuses has been, Captain “you never say anything to the ones who have a moustache only”.

Very well clean-shaven Jessie, in this blog post you will get your wish. Now, the one’s who have a moustache and shave their face .. are still cleanly shaven.

Now, just because they don’t get mentioned by name, don’t think they’re out of the firing line.

They’re the crossbreeds. They try to show that they’re not like clean-shaven because they have facial hair.

No, that’s lip fluff .. a bit of hair you have kept under your lip for god knows what reason.

Nope, you’re not Poirot, Yosemite Sam or Astrix, and even they shouldn’t keep moustaches.

Some keep the moustache and resemble a Mexican drug lord and some look suited to the adult film industry.

When you drink your cup of tea or have a glass of water, it’s like your moustache is too. Now, some smartasses might say but food gets stuck in the beard so what’s your point?

Well with this scenario, you can comb the crumbs out and wash your beard, but you can’t do that with a tash.

Taking of eating, even when you’re eating your food, your lip fluff goes in your mouth too, so it’s like you’re eating your moustache… yuk!

Now, brothers, some try to make their moustaches “fashionable”.

This blog will most certainly upset the Asian uncle and the odd auntie too hehe (you know what I mean) but as Bearded Leader, I preach what needs to be preached.

The clean-shaven will try to brainwash you with the Hugo Boss adverts and the Hugo Boss kind of man (models who are clean-shaven), but don’t be duped we know their game.

Their moustached counterparts looked to have learnt some of their tricks too. In poetic style Asian uncles say in Urdu maybe as an emotional guilt trip tactic.

According to them if you don’t have a moustache you don’t have anything, which is nonsense.

Brothers, a moustache can be grown, but you need your beard too.

The godfather and pinnacle of all beards said: “Grow your beards and trim your moustaches”.

I leave you with that thought. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

If you want to help support project bearded captain/ the sports buff and help me grow, visit the following link;

http://www.patreon.com/thebeardedcaptain1

Thank you

The Bearded Key-workers explained

Hello and Greetings, my bearded soldiers. Some might not know, but you my bearded beloved’s do know –  I go by the name of The Bearded Captain, leader of all beards on digital media.

As you know my beloved’s (if you watch my vlog) , I have got a new snapback. This snapback is printed, with the message, “The Bearded Captain, leader of all beards on digital media”.

My brothers, I am delighted to announce, that I am now selling snapbacks. They are available in a variety of colours, and personalised messages ( please email; ayyazmalik86@gmail.com for more info).

I have to share with you my beards. that my beard I personally trimmed it today. The excruciating detail of finding the right weapon of choice was necessary for undergoing this important and noble task/operation, as beard needs that TLB (tender love of beard).

The careful trimming, the precise cutting with the scissors to make the beard normal on the sides, was the kind of cutting precision that  would leave your local butcher  admiring in awe.

It wasn’t just the scissors needed for this mission, the Wahl head shaver was called to duty, to complete its bearded national service. Now, I know what you’re thinking (it’s summer, the face fur will get the heave-ho, due to the heat).

My brothers, no-no .. this is far from the truth. The hair clipper was needed, due to The Captain needing to control what I call, “side whiskers”.

Fyi, the number four-blade did an admiral job of trimming the side whiskers down, but it’s not quite  to the standard of the bearded heroes.

These guys are heroes. If the nurses, carers and people of the medical profession are key workers, then I must advise you that these dedicated souls are bearded key workers. Who are these heroes, who put themselves on the front line in the fight to keep beards maintained and well-groomed?

They are my brothers, Scissors Kutz barbershop in Manchester. These brave Musketeers hail from the land of Kurdistan, where it seems the case that all of them go through an extensive training regime, to master the art of haircutting, but most importantly the maintenance of beard before they step fur on British shores.

To bring family honor in the Asian household, having a career as a Dr, Accountant or Lawyer will only do, for our Kurd heroes, this seems to be the same thing, except for that they must be a barber.

These brave men, sacrifice time with their families to deal with the most urgent of cases of poor beard maintenance. Bearded Knotts uneven beard growth seems to be the common bearded emergencies.

If that’s not hard enough, they will have to deal with sure of client bookings after lockdown, due to everyone looking like Captain caveman or Shaggy from Scooby doo. Before you say it, yes he’s a shame to “the captain family”, Uncle Birds eye told him so.

On top of the next few weeks to come, there is, of course, the Eid haircut. Why is the relevant I hear you ask?

This is the time where people lose their minds … think people queuing up for the new iPhone 11, then you will see my point. Christmas bookings will no doubt be just as hectic too.

There are other vital people, in the fight on the bearded front line. The employees at Bulldog, the beard care company. The bearded barbers are one part of the cog and the beard care workers is the other.

A beard needs all its nutrients to grow (beardosynthesis). They too like their bearded barber counterparts, work long hours anyway, but even more in the Christmas period, which means they don’t see their families.

So there you have it my beards,  course make sure you do self maintenance  and self beard care where you can.

It had to be mentioned that these hardworking souls are key, to keeping your face looking awesome. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain, stay blessed … stay beard!

The Summer beard

Hello, and greetings my bearded soldiers, I pray you are well. As you know, we are of course in unprecedented times, in the times of lockdown and isolation. The Monks and the Buddhists talk of isolation and the therapeutic effects of the period of solitude.

For your Captain, however, it’s not been plain sailing. Part of me thinks, this isolation thing, how am I differing from the Monks, what are they doing that I am not? Yes, in these times I have spent time with my Nephew (Bearded Captain in the making) and my niece who has a key to my heart (the cheeky monkey).

There have been times of boredom, and just feeling fed up and worn down. I share this bit of info with you my beloved’s, just to remind you, you’re not alone. My brothers, I invite you to reach out to me on my email (ayyazmalik86@gmail.com), should you feel the need to talk.

I am here for my brothers, even if I don’t blog as much here, that’s been in part due to me working on my vlog The Sports Buff, which is shaping nicely and my pride and joy, The Bearded Captain vlog.

Brothers, my bearded soldiers what I want to talk to you about today though is about the summer beard. Much has been made about Jim Carey advising men to do Quarantine Beard, (grow a beard in lockdown time) but with it being summer, traditionally men tend to shave their pride and joy off their faces.

I have to question this rhetoric. Guys, when it’s summer, do we grab the hair clippers and say this hair is too much let’s shave it off? Usually, men don’t, so why is beard different?

My soldiers, it’s a tough time to grow a beard or have a beard, I can’t dress this up. But my brothers, the true men amongst you, will take this challenge head-on. The Captain suggests, that you have a cold shower regularly as well washing your face with cold water.

Life is full of challenges brothers in the world of beard, don’t make this be one of them. Especially in the UK, summer doesn’t last forever, have some patience. Bless you, all brothers, it’s over and out of from The Bearded Captain.

Even beards need to stay safe too

By Ayyaz “The Bearded Captain” Malik

Hello and greetings my bearded beloved’s, good afternoon. As we are insolation season, I will make sure that I address you, my soldiers in this time.

A lot of you, might be fighting boredom, and other dom’s – maybe stardom, but as you are not as magnificent as The Captain, that’s unlikely.

I am very flattered of course, but there have been two tales of when your captain has been stopped twice, due to his face trophy – his beard.

Once in Wakefield West Yorkshire, the other in Small Heath Birmingham. The occasion in Birmingham gave me great joy as on this occasion I was stopped due to being recognized as The Bearded Captain.
Yes, this tale will be told to the kids and grandkids … can you blame me? Gloating aside, gleaming aside I want to talk about the issue at hand. This issue is an important one.

For the die-hard fans of this blog amongst you, I know you’re in your masses, then you will remember a blog post where I stated that even The Captain can get man flu as well as other bearded men.

This blog post is essentially about that, but it’s just reminding you brothers, that stay safe and weary in these times. I know you have Herculean faces brothers, but in this pandemic of Covid 19, please follow the guidelines that your government has set.

I can’t do this post, without mentioning the tragic bearded news that some of our bearded brothers have been lost in the battle of covid 19. There are beards who, in the fight against this pandemic are giving up their time and facial hair to help our elderly and vulnerable.

The Captain gives those now beardless men and the women a fully-fledged bearded salute and running socially distanced bro hug. A mention to my brothers, thanks for helping the ill and affected, I know it must be hard to remove your face diamonds from your face.

Looking like your barely older enough to have left school, never mind have a fully-fledged full-time job, what these male nurses, in this case, are doing is of course admirable.

Some nurses are working close to 15 hours a day, without some time off in site. My beards, just because you are still bearded where some might not be, just please stay safe and take care.

You are superheroes, yes, but just like Superman and Batman, they can get hurt and feel pain. My brothers so can you, stay safe …. and look after yourselves and your beards!

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain , peace.

An amusing story to make you smile during covid 19

By Ayyaz “The Bearded Captain” Malik

Hello and good greetings from The Bearded Captain. Good afternoon my bearded soldiers, I pray we are well, in the middle of maintaining our beards and in these unprecedented times, looking after our health.

Just like in other addresses, I will again use this chance, to express my thanks to NHS staff, from Dr’s, nurses and to other staff who work for the health service. Thank you for your efforts to look after the old and vulnerable where at times you can’t look after your own old and vulnerable.

My beloved’s I reach out to you today because I want to tell a story. I hope this tale brings a smile to your face. As I type this out, it brings a wry smile to my face just thinking about it.

The story is a short one, but yeah anyway. One morning, after waking up and having my bearded breakfast (two eggs, two toast with no butter and a glass of orange juice), I decided to check the post.

Now, as you know the post usually consists of bills and “junk” (but unfortunately no blank cheques). In the case of this story, it would be “junk mail” that came in the post I want to talk about.

What came in the post, was a little leaflet from Harry’s. Yes, that’s right Harry’s the shaving guys who make themselves out to be so ethical people.
But are the same people who promote the cutting of your face and to go out against father nature in this instant and shave their beards (you see what I did there, I got your back guys).

Whoever was on their marketing team and thought this was a good idea to send a leaflet to the house which has three fully bearded men in there is hilarious.

Maybe, they were trying to encourage The Captain to shave his head all those months before he eventually started using a razor to shave his head, who knows.

One thing I do know, when I saw the leaflet, it really made me laugh. Telling this story, I thought it could make you laugh too.