Coronavirus

PSL review, new kids on the block!

Hello and good morning, here I Ayyaz Malik aka The Sports Buff, talk about this years on going PSL. the games have been brilliant!

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The end is nigh brothers!

Hello and good evening, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards on digital media.I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile. My brothers, I hope you’re well, looking after yourselves and more importantly your beard!

My brothers I want to talk about an important issue in the life of beard. As you are all aware, we are in a lockdown and in a lockdown, not only have the gyms, restaurants, bars and football stadiums to the fans have been closed, but the closing down of barbers has hit us beards hard!

I never think this would be the case, but a lot of us beards have grown the equivalent of afros, but it has been. This lockdown like the other lock down has been a challenge for all beards. Some beards have been better at it than other beards, the grooming of their bead. 

Brothers, I know some of you (me included) are working from home and the perceived need to maintain your beard is seen as not necessary. My Bearded beloved’s it is necessary as the beard is your pride and enjoy. These times of lockdown have been tough, but the end is nigh .. no more botched snipping of the beard (like a certain someone did, mentioning no names). 

Well brothers, the end is nigh! On April 12th, the barbershops will be reopening in the U.K. Form an orderly queue as The Bearded Captain exercises his right for being at the front of the line as I am The Bearded Leader. 

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The hangover

This season has been an unprecedented season for so many different reasons. As previously discussed in my blog post, which can be found here; https://ayyazmalik.com/2021/01/09/a-season-like-no-other/. This season has been an unusual one to put it mildly. In the English Premier League, there has been some normality that’s returned as Manchester City seem odds on to win their third title in four seasons.

Across Europe, Real Madrid/Barcelona neither of them are leading Laliga, it’s Atletico Madrid who seem to be running away it, but a surprise 2-0 home loss to Levante, means that the gap has closed at the top to just three points, but Diego Simeone’s side do have a game in hand.

In Germany although usual league leaders Bayern Munich are still top, ever since they returned for a successful and triumphant Club World Cup, The Bavarians have conceded 31 goals already this term, one less than they did in the entire 2019-2020 season. Their 2-1 defeat against Eintracht Frankfurt means that the Bundesliga is more competitive this year.

With the example of Bayern, the Champions League winners have been far from flawless. In France last year’s Champions League beaten finalists PSG, have been suffering from indifferent from and they too aren’t have thing their own way in Ligue 1 as they trail league leaders Lille by four points. This is the same that could be said about Italian champions Juventus.

Juve, who have had a strangle hold on the Scudetto for a past best part of a decade, trail league leaders Inter by a massive 11 points, it must be noted that The Old lady have two games in hand over The Nerazzurri in Serie A. Regardless of this fact, even Juventus haven’t had things their own way.

This bug, shall we call it has travelled to Scotland too. Celtic who were looking to complete the ’10 in a row’, have been thwarted by a resurgent Rangers who are just seven points away from a first trophy in the Steven Gerrard reign. Covid, has affected us all and here’s to thinking that May can’t come quick enough.

But there’s some good things to have come out football being the way that is due to Covid, it’s not as boring and predictable as what it has been across Europe. That is a good thing, here’s to hoping that next season will be something similar, but I am not holding my breath.

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

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When you know it’s winter (satire)

Hello and good evening my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.

My Bearded Beloved’s I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your beards. Brothers, I want to talk about an important issue. My Soldiers, I spoke about when you know it’s summer in my previous blog post, in this blog post I want to share with you some signs when it’s winter.

Stating the obvious, it’s when your heating in your house in on full blast almost constantly. Yeah, that’s an obvious, but what about when you have to put those three quarter shorts to the bottom of the clothes pile and the-shirts too. The long Johns that weren’t mentioned in the summer, they’re on the tips of everyone’s lips.

With the case of the long Johns, you can say the only John that get’s mentioned in summer is our Pappa John, the pizza place. Are you coffee or a tea lover? Well, you will know it’s winter better than most, because you will crave that warm beverage even more. In the summer and when it’s hot you will not really feel the need to have coffee that many times in the day, if not at all.

Keeping it consumption based, what you feel with teas and coffee in the summer, you will tend to feel the same in winter too. When it’s cold all you want is hot food and when it’s summer you don’t.

I am not sure if this next example is just me, but you will know when winter is here when you wear a t-shirt you will feel a cold sensation not like freezing freezing cold but a cold you will only realise was there when you put your jumper on. In the summer, you will struggle to sleep due to hot and humid weather.

You will toss, turn and wrestle with the duvet, not being able to sleep with it off your body, but not being able to sleep with it on. In the winter? No such worries, initially there will be a period where your feet and part of your body will be like snow block almost, but when you sleep you sleep like a baby.

In the summer, where people are happy glowing and beaming, people are the opposite in winter maybe because it’s freezing and sunsets in the mid afternoon! I remember this with me. I went to work in darkness and came back home … in darkness! That’s enough to break a man.

Do you remember we mentioned about the ice cream man? Well the only ice cream man you get in winter is a male shrieking in a high voice (yeah that’s a dad joke). In the summer and with the weather being hot, you just want to sit in the shower days on end to cool down, in the winter?

Once you shake off the reluctance to go into to the shower due to it being freezing …. you don’t want to get out as you’re under a nice warm shower. I guess nothing changes there then. Last but not least in my opinion, when you know it’s winter time is when you see more men with beards, which is obviously to keep their face warm.

On that note, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

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My thoughts on WWE

They say it’s fake, it’s not real, but the risks are real. World Wrestling Entertainment or WWE for short is a sport which despite its longevity still catches the public imagination.

If you ask Elias, WWE stands for! *chants in a passionate tone* “walk with Elias”. The storylines, subplots, daring moves and overall energy has made the WWE the pinnacle for any pro wrestler.

When we were kids, I don’t know anyone who would say they didn’t do any wrestling moves on their siblings, brother Malik and sister Malik’s teddy bear felt the full brunt of The Stone Cold Stunner. 

I will not confirm or deny, I gave the last ride to my brother, an Attitude Adjustment, or did the five knuckle shuffle on both my niece and nephew, but the springs on a few beds were stretched let’s just say.

Let’s change the subject and talk about the pros who do this for the day job. WWE, despite the competition or rival AEW, amongst others have posed a viable threat.

The way WWE markets the brand and the fact that they have years upon years of more experience is a massive advantage. 

In Shahid Khan, owner of AEW, they have a billionaire who will be able to help bankroll some top wrestling stars, Messers Ambrose and Jericho come to mind.

A fierce rival isn’t something new, in the 90’s WCW was arguably a more desirable brand than WWE, but wrestling fans remember how that ended.

Stone Cold Steve Austin, Booker T, the aforementioned Chris Jericho and Goldberg are just some of the wrestlers that comes to mind.

In my humble opinion, WWE it fluctuates, with how good the storylines are. 

Sometimes the storylines are brilliant, others the storylines are a lot to be desired. .

Of course all wrestling circuits have the same issue, but WWE is the most established of all wrestling circuits out there.

I want to talk about some of the storylines at the moment and give my humble opinion on them.

The storyline between Reigns and Owens is a good one, but really creative WWE, putting the belt on him again? Why don’t you just rename his character to John Anoai Cena? Letting Rusev go, in my opinion, wasn’t the best decision either. 

Love or loathe him, his Bulgarian Brute character suited him perfectly. To put him in these love story storylines, just wasted an undoubted talent, let’s hope AEW utilise his skills properly.

A storyline which I like is Seamus and Drew McIntyre, at least it’s not the usual Roman Reigns drivel.

The force-feeding of Reigns is frustrating. If you want to use The Big Dog, then the need to use to utilize him without gold around him is a must.

The Rock, Stone Cold and most recently The Fiend are still very able performers and they don’t need a title on him to be relevant, Roman’s character doesn’t seem to allow that. 

I do like The Miz with The Money In The Bank briefcase. Not sounding like Michael Cole of old, I am a Miz fan.

Very good on the mic, good in a tag team even in a stable too, Michael Miznan is a WWE treasure.

I am merely just a fan, but us fans have our opinions too. Triple H, yeah my number ends in 455, and don’t forget the +44 dialling code, thank you!

Here at ayyazmalik.com, there will be plenty more wrestling articles. See you at the next one!

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

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Just don’t be one of those people

Hello and good evening, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag-bearer of all beards on digital media. I am that beard who tries to make you laugh and I am that beard who tries to make you smile. Brothers, I want to talk about an important issue, it’s the topic of not being one of those people.

There’s always one, the odd one out. People who don’t spell their name right. “Hanna’, I am talking to you here and ‘Stephen’, yeah this is aimed at you. But brothers, what I am referring to here is the people who wear shorts in -2 degrees temperature or in any weather for that matter.

Dude, what’s wrong with you? Do you want Pneumonia? I am sorry, but I am gonna be blunt here, that’s like one of the hookers on a cold night. No matter the weather, she will always have the short skirt on, which is just weird, don’t be one of those people. Other people you shouldn’t be like are those who wear socks and sandals.

Are you a Geography teacher? No, didn’t think so …. but the people who do this (wear socks and sandals) well, let’s just say like Wethers Originals (you know what I mean). So more example of people that you shouldn’t be like are those who wear leather-strapped gentleman watches with a tracksuit.

Brothers, it just looks odd. This post borders on, my previous post of signs of a psychopath, which can be found here; https://ayyazmalik.com/2020/08/24/signs-of-psycho-satire/

My Bearded Soldiers, I am back after a little break, and that’s your list for now. It’s over and out from your Bearded Captain.

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

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The toughest job interview (satire)

Hello and greetings, my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, here I talk about an issue in the world of beards. Here, brothers, I talk about the toughest job interview known to man.

It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

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The second Album

Hello and Greetings My Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain. Leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards on digital media.

I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people laugh.

My brothers, I pray you’re looking after yourselves and your beard! My beloved’s I want to talk about an important issue, the issue of what I called the Second Album.

The second album phrase is one which is commonly used. Some use the phrase for football teams in their second season after getting promoted to the Premier League or the music second album.

I want to use this analogy though for trying a takeaway for the second time, after liking it for the first time when you try it.

To be more specific with my example it’s the example of New York Crispy, a chicken Takeaway shop on Wilmslow road.

On my previous blog, which can be found here https://ayyazmalik.com/2021/01/16/the-theory-proved-wrong/, I declared my love for New York Crispy after trying them for the first time.

I am delighted to say, New York Crispy was just as good as the first time. The red salt chip goodness and the chicken burger oozing in curry sauce to perfection was just looooovely.

Warm soft burger, a lovely textured chicken that was not too crunchy and the curry sauce that didn’t get on my top.

This couldn’t have been said last time! So there you have it brothers. It’s over and out from your Bearded Captain.

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

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The tea/coffee dippers

Hello and good morning my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards on digital media. I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re looking after yourselves and I pray you look after your beards! Bearded Soldiers, I want to talk about the issue of the biscuit dipper. This topic, I have found has divided opinion. My Bearded Beloved’s in short, your Captain will say just don’t do it!

To clarify, what it is you shouldn’t be doing it’s the issue of putting biscuits (usually digestives) into your tea or coffee. Whether you should have tea or coffee is a debate in itself, but I digress …. My Bearded Soldiers your beverage is for drinking.

Your tea/coffee isn’t tomato ketchup and your biscuit isn’t a chip (if you know what I mean). The tea dippers will be able to clarify their rationale, but soggy digestives? Really??? As bad as that is, I have heard and seen toast being dipped into a beverage and also naan!

Especially with the last example, you know the end is nigh. Maybe, if you have flu for example you won’t have the taste buds to taste soggy biscuits, but the visual (yuck). There is also the other kind of dippers, the soup dippers.

A true story here, I was told is was soup for dinner. To say I was devastated doesn’t do the moment I made the heartbroken face justice. Soup, tomato soup is ok … but on it’s own! Soggy bread even with tomato sauce on it… just why !?

My brothers, I pray none of you fall foul of this woeful act. (This blog like with all my other posts are silly tongue and cheek). It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

To help keep wonderful content coming through and help maintain project Bearded Captain , you can help fund me here;

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How you can wear confidence

Hello and greetings my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain, leader of all beards and flag bearer of all beards on digital media. I am that beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.

My brothers, I hope you’re looking after yourselves and I hope you’re looking after your beards! Bearded Beloved’s I want to talk about an important issue. The thing I want to talk about is confidence, in other words to feel good and act … well confident.

Brothers, there are many ways this can be achieved, in this blog I want to discuss them. Goes without saying, one of the ways to feel confident is to make your face handsome and beastly, so grow a beard. Don’t take my word, when I say this, it’s been proven in studies too, that it’s better to grow a beard.

So if science proves it, it’s information not to be snuffed at. Just in case you’re asking and wondering, the Dr who carried out the study for this wasn’t Dr Pepper, he specialises more in the study of sugar intake into the body.

Confidence is also a trick of the mind in my humble opinion. For example when you get a fresh haircut, you feel better about yourself, you’re groomed for a start. This is something, I would encourage to get your haircut every so often, pampering yourself is a great feeling for outside and inside too.

Make sure you take time and effort in your general appearance too. That means dress well and even smell well too. I will be doing a blog on fragrances separate, so keep an eye out for that. A good fragrance and a really good one, it makes a massive difference.

Just a few squirts of your favourite aftershave, can work wonders, you will need to try it to believe it. Brothers, the need to eat well and avoid binge eating on junk too, it’s not good. In moderation is acceptable, but even that’s up to a point.

This brings me on to my final point, which is exercise. Brothers, exercise is powerful as it increases endorphins (happy hormones I call them) . To bring it back to my point brothers, you feel good , you look good, they go hand in hand.

There’s my examples of stuff to do, to help with confidence. Have I missed any? Let me know in the comments brothers, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.