Hello, greetings it’s me again your bearded captain. I hope all my bearded brethren are ok inshaaAllah. I have an issue that has been playing on my mind, no it’s not when I become the Bearded President of the United States Of Beardland inshaaAllah that’s a case of when rather than if.
No my fellow bearded brothers, it’s the issue of the comb and the maintenance of the beard. I have to apologise (even Bearded Kings need to be humble sometimes). The reason for the apology is this, I am sure after reading this blog, the clean shaven amongst you in their 10’s have started to grow a beard but haven’t known how to handle the addition to his life (the beard).
My clean shaven “friend” who is starting his journey in growing a beard, this blog is for you I guess. Despair not when you first grow your beard, if you are in the right environment (alongside fellow beards) then all worries will vanish. If however you are amongst clean shaven men, I fear for your masculinity, and if that’s the case The Bearded Captain says ….. get new friends!
So we have to deal with the issue at hand, how to maintain the beard . This is something that shouldn’t make you loose sleep bearded one, no sir …. as a bearded individual we embrace all challenges!
As I mentioned before, bearded brothers comb your beard and make it sparkle! If you want to get back in the “game”, believe me she doesn’t care about your dead end job …. she is woowed by that man fur.
But Bearded Prince, just because you have a woman in the palm of your hand don’t get arrogant, yes you maybe almost as funny as me … but this is because of the magical powers of your beard and by reading these blogs.
We beardies are gentlemen, if women in their 10’s maybe 100’s show intrest in you, deal with it like a boss, but be a keeper …. the beard teaches you to be loyal and have patience in life. Bearded one, now you are winning at life (because you have a beard) don’t blow it with a comment that a clean shaven man would be heard saying.
A man with a messy beard is like a rough diamond, but we need to ensure we keep the diamond shining. So going to the beard salon is a must. At the beard salon you are excused to act like a diva because your beard is your flag bearer, so much so that if you were to beshipwrecked, rumour has it a guy can see the radiation of his fellow bearded brother’s beard and this will help him to get to shore if there was ever a state of emergency of that nature.
Not too short, not too long …. you can be excused on this occasion when you’re at the beard salon to expect to act like a prima donna, but the longer the better (in my opinion). I heard there is a new Harry Potter film due to release soon, maybe stardom could even be awaiting you …. because of your beard!
The Bearded Captain leaves you with this bit of advice, perfume your beard (Mont Blanc Legend is a perfume I prefer to use) and even use hairwax. When I was a Bearded Prince, my choice was David Beckham’s hair wax, but now I mainly use beard oil. I think it’s fair to say I have given you a lot of advice over these past few days young bearded one.
PS please note I am from Manchester, emphasis on the MAN- chester. For those of you who don’t want to embrace the inner man (grow a beard) , but live in my city, please note the city of Womanchester is only 20 minutes away. There you might feel at home, anyway It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.
The Bearded Captain 
lol