Hello and greetings from your bearded captain. I pray all my soldiers are well inshaaAllah and are looking after their beards, the way they should be looked after. My bearded soldiers, my bearded children whenever I do these (blogs), as you know there’s a reason as to why I do them.
So as for today, the reason why I want to write this blog, is to address the issue of man flu. As you know boys and girls, man flu is the “deadly bug” which is caused by regular flu. Now when I say regular flu, what I mean is the flu what ladies get or …… the thing that resembles ladies …… clean shaven men, if you can even call them that.
Now let’s get this clear. Clean shaven “men” is an imperfect sentence. Why do I say this? Hmm let me think, since when are real men clean shaven? The clean shaven look similar to women, we’re not women brothers, we are men so embrace the inner man!
Anyway, slightly digressed there …. sorry about that. Today’s issue is about man flu. Yes, we men are subjected to a lot of torrent abuse the “O it’s just a sniffle” and the “O it will get better in a few days”.
Ladies, we need you to be more understanding. Yes, I know I have said that a beard is a man’s face scarf, but man flu is our body’s way of saying it thinks we’re magnificent. Well, I can’t disagree there. Yes, I maybe The Bearded Captain and an excellent Captain at that, but my soldiers please listen very carefully.
Don’t let the women folk tell you any different, man flu is a real thing and there was a proposal that man flu is treated under the NHS. I mean as good as that proposal was, that doesn’t go far enough!
I am not calling beardophobia *calls beardophobia* but I think there’s a lack of bearded equality. Those clean shaven imposters of men, have half of the symptoms of man flu, due to them being mistaken for looking like men, but don’t be fooled real men have beards!
Man flu is one of the most contagious forms of flu known to a man. There’s bird flu, swine flu and for the clean shaven Jessie’s there’s whine flu, but man flu really does top the lot.
Why is it so contagious? Well, only real men will know why … I know a beard has a lot of powers, but not even a beard can fight the man flu. When man flu is ready to leave your body after 6 months experts say (me) then you can carry on being awesome like normal.
I personally think we should be allowed to go to the bearded paradise (Dubai) and relax until your man flu decides to love you and leave you.
Such have been the powers of my man flu, a manager at work told me that my beard was messy …. and she was right, as I have been under the weather it has been suffering from some neglect, so even The Bearded Captain can have an off day …… on the rare occasions.
I will leave you with this, man flu is dangerous its symptoms gives you headaches, a “cough, and runny nose”. Mock us all you want, but I wouldn’t even wish man flu on my own worst enemy (clean shaven Jessie).
My bearded soldiers, look after yourselves this man flu can defeat out bodies, but it won’t defeat our bearded freedom! It’s over and out from your Bearded Captain.