Hello good evening greetings my bearded soldiers. It’s me your bearded Captain leader of all beards flag bearer of all beards on digital media.
My brother is here I am with an important address. This issue is the issue of lockdown.Brothers as you know there was a lockdown in the spring. And now there is a lockdown here in the autumn.
Here I Your bearded leader, want to talk about the important issue that is the lockdown that is occuring in the Autumn.
Now my bearded beloved’s, for those of you remember lockdown 1.0, then you will remember me making a botched attempt at trimming my beard. Foolishly, I didn’t embark on The Bearded craftsmen that are Scissor Kutz in Manchester before the first lockdown.
This decision cost me dearly. I went about the task of trimming my beard, and it started out well enough, but as I wanted to perfect the look, I got cocky and arrogant.
That approach cost me dearly as my beard went from long to short! You know what they say? Once you go long .. anything else seems wrong. Brothers, unfortunately I haven’t learnt from that mistake as I again have a long beard that needs taming.
Anyway, I do digress, what I want to talk about is the issue of lockdown and getting you guys a bit more prepared for it. Now, if you remember last time brothers, people got toilet paper in their *hit loads (pun intended).
Pasta and baking products were in hot demand too. I can only draw this conclusion as a result of these factors if you like. People’s pastries and cakes, what have you were that bad it gave them a bad stomach, hence the toilet paper was needed.
Guys, just keep it to beans and toast as well as Crunchy Nut corn flakes … happy days! Ok so that’s dinner sorted, maybe you can do that decorating and that gardening you put off “till tomorrow”.
Yeah, you won’t like me mentioning it guys but after you have watched all the box sets and all the episodes of Home Under The Hammer, Jeremy Vine Show and Bargain Hunt amongst others, what else is there to do?
Learn some new skills? Well I won’t be learning to play a new instrument or singing anytime soon, I fear it would rain cats and dogs if I relaxed my vocal chords a little.
I was one of those, in Primary school who would get mother to jot a note, to enable I got the special pardon here. Or maybe learn how to draw, my memory of art class (a bit sketchy .. you know what I did there).
If none of those tick the box, maybe learn how to cook? But what ever you do, make sure you keep your nearest and dearest at the forefront of your mind.
A facetime call, a zoom call … means there is no excuse! Brothers, don’t be afraid to do your bit in the house either. This isn’t the 1950″s, #realmendohousework.
My soldiers, I am proud to say I learnt how to make toffee crisp milkshake, as well as smarties milkshake too. We are beards, we lead by example … lets smash lockdown 2.0 and make sure we come out of this better beards and better men!
it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain. Stay blessed, stay beard!
The Bearded Captain 