Hello and good afternoon my Bearded Soldiers, it’s me your Bearded Captain. Leader of all beards, flag bearer of all beards on digital and broadcasting media. I am that beard who tries to make people laugh, and I am that beard who tries to make people smile.
Brothers, (for those of you who are in England in particular) , will be experiencing the snow and bad weather. Brothers, with our beards this is what we have been waiting for all year.
Whereas, the clean shaven will be shivering their naked faces off, we can embrace this cold weather.
In the summer, they mock us and belittle us, but in times like this they feel our pain and in fact jump on the bearded band wagon. Wooly jumpers, thicker pants or t-shirts … one thing we don’t have to worry about brothers is a garment to warm our face.
They will think about shaving their faces, when the weather warms up, but that’s their bad because they will feel the cold twice as bad.
As you wear jumpers and neck warmers, brothers I will say (you’re reading this right) it’s ok to have a messy beard in this period.
Brothers, don’t get over carried away, but when things change … it’s back to normal. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.