How to eat a takeaway, a guide by The Captain

Hello and good evening, it’s me The Bearded Captain, leader of all Beards, flag bearer of all Beards on digital and digital broadcasting media. I am that Beard who tries to make people laugh and I am that Beard who tries to make people smile.

Brothers, I pray you’re well, looking after yourselves and your Beards! My Bearded Stallions, I want to talk about an important issue in the life of Beards, an issue I really should have mentioned sooner. My Shining Bearded Knights, it’s the issue of how to eat a takeaway.

You will be forgiven for thinking, that I might think you’re five years old. Brothers, no this isn’t the case … your big boys now! You have facial hair, which got you into long term relationships or even marriage. Your responsible men, who teach their children how to eat, but are masters of the art themselves.

I have a theory on this, please hear me out. My Soldiers, when you go out for a takeaway, whether that be a burger, naan kebab or pizza etc, do you put sauce on it? If you do, brothers, this is a potential problem.

This argument of whether or whether not to put sauce on your takeaway , rages on in my household, and will provoke thoughts in your mind too, but Dear Brothers, think of your Beard! Your Beard is at the forefront of your life, of course thanking the one who gave you this gift is higher than that, but you already know this.

Not sure if we have mentioned this in the past, but coke is a nightmare for a Beard and so is Milk. With that in mind, so is sauce, which ever kind. So Bearded Warrior, I would advise, if you’re going to have a burger, or a naan kebab for example, if it’s nicely made, that will be filled with flavour!

But on the flipside, a burger without mayo, or even spicy curry sauce, is that even a burger, one may ask? It’s not the same! So, I think you can take away from this, with naan kebabs don’t put sauce on, but with a chicken burger (spicy burger with mayo sauce), although not ideal is the best way to have a burger.

This is bordering on Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut Beard territory, I know but you need to be careful brothers you’re welcome. Just in case anyone even dares to suggest, no pizza isn’t to be eaten with knife fork, nor is a burger to be cut in half and eaten half and half!

Lastly, brothers although this isn’t takeaway food, be careful of biscuits Pringles and the way you eat them, it leaves crumbs in your Beard, but you can say that about all crisps and biscuits I guess. It’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.


Published by ayyazmalik

Hi guys thanks for having a look at my blog :) . Just to state the obvious my name is Ayyaz Malik. I love writing articles, it's been a passion since I have been a 'wee nipper'. To share a little bit about myself I am training to be a cricket umpire (yay!) and I work for the Asian Sunday :) which is a up and coming paper in Bradford. is my way of sharing with you my view on sports world and world in general.

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