My Bearded Stallions, let’s talk about an important issue, that’s an important issue to you truly and that is playing away from home. Let’s qualify what is meant by this, I am not talking about infidelity, but in the Beard World and world of Barbers, it might as well be.

To cut your hair from someone else bar your day one Barber, no-no! It’s a given, yes it’s not a written rule, but it’s a given surely right? I am sure you have heard the phrase your body is your temple, well my Beard is mine!

My place of choice is Scissor Kutz on Wilmslow Road, The Curry Mile, for those of you who are not sure where I am referring to, but these days ‘Wimmy Road’ is more Falafel than Aloo Gobi. Sorry, sorry I do digress, Kings where we? Ahh yes, don’t cheat on your Beard Barber!

There is a reason why I give you this advice, yours truly has been stupid enough to fall foul of the golden rule. So the story of the Bearded Barber affair goes like this, I was out of town, and a fellow Beard Barber seduced me to try their place.

Having a lot of time on my hands as my Foster Brother had a lengthy appointment next door, I thought ‘The place looks bright, and it won’t take long as it’s early morning’. My Soldiers, if any of you ever think of spewing such nonsense, come see me and I will take some stripes of your Bearded Army Rank personally.

This story was several years ago and I still tell it like it was last week. Thankfully Scissor Kutz is my regular partner, I agreed I might be out of town, but he is all I need. Scissor loves my Beard like no one else can, he gives me the TLB I need, (Tender Loving of Beard).

That’s also a point within itself, I don’t even remember the name of the other Bearded Barber. He didn’t know how to level my Beard, nor could he wax my cheeks. He tried four times, and when he finished my eyes were watering like they were when I watched the Lion King the first time.

Short-term pleasure long-term pain, Brothers they’re your day one Barber for a reason. A Barber doesn’t come with the added algebra-like equations a woman does. I said what I said, it’s over and out from The Bearded Captain.

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